Downloadable Sheit
There's no stopping our Kamiboy as he kicks off on PSN games.Published 30/07/2008 at 21:00 by kamiboy
So, the subject of this rant will be the small downloadable games “thingy” that has been gaining momentum since its inception about 2-3 years or so ago. My problem with them is twofold, one is that as with most things greed veered them off the shining course that most people were paving for them before this generation had begun and all they were was a twinkle in many a hopeful eye. They were supposed to be a venue for developers to, among other things, try out unconventional and innovative game ideas that would combat the stagnating and lack of imagination that the skyrocketing next gen budgets have necessitated.
Instead in comes that piece of shit game Geometry Wars, and what do all developers do? They ALL start making frigging dual stick shooters!! Not just one, or two, or three, no, no, that would be too reasonable. Instead we see a perfect demonstration of the trend based lemming like instincts that all western developers seem to be suffering from, as soon as they see one of the herd running for the cliffs over yonder, they all just immediately start running in the same direction. They do this with little or no thought to what will happen when they all get there, at the same time, i.e the 50.000 FPS’s that are being developed for the consoles all of a sudden now.
Anywaste, my point is that there are more than two dozen or so of these Robotron clones, combined, spread across both platforms. What a sad waste of potential. That game was fun when it was a hacking mini-game inside Sly Raccoon but that does not mean that I want to pay to play 50 different verities of it, Jaysus! And what about the rest of the so called downloadable games that were supposed to save the industry and help the little guy with the big idea? Well, I see a lot of crappy arcade ports and useless unimaginative cash grab mini games. Where are the great new ideas that are going to be proven as a downloadable titles so studios making big budget games of the future might use them without concern in their future titles?
I’ll tell you where they are, buried, under the big steaming pile of mediocrity and lemming mindedness that has bleeded over and taken over this new venue as well. But why dual stick shooters exactly, I mean seriously, why? This question had been bothering me, because frankly I could not understand it. But then, one day, as if by a lightning from the heavens something struck my mind so hard that it almost split open spilling my brain in my cereal bowl. I had realized why Robotron clones, the dual sticked scourge from the west, had swallowed whole the new borne downloadable games venue before it even had begun to take its first few steps.
For you to understand it as well I want you to imagine something as terrible, bland, retarded and incredibly repetitive as a first person shooter. In the mental defect that is that genre people are forced to guide a camera with a gun sticking out of it from room to room while continuously blasting away at the ever present and ever stupid swarming enemies. Now imagine such a abomination only think about what it would play and look like if some mentally challenged game designer decided that aligning a cursor with an target in 3D space for 10 hours straight is too much of a cerebral challenge and tried to kick things down a notch to cockroach levels of intelligence by placing the camera of the first person shooter directly above the gun being controlled. That is correct, there is now no longer any doubt, the first person shooter is a disease and it has mutated in order to be able to infect a new host, a fledgling new born in fact.
Leave it to the lemming minded heard of first person shooter developers, the Borg like army that stalk the gaming universe ever watchful for new victims to assimilate into their midst, to figure out a way to dumb down the first person shooter genre even further, beyond what even I thought was in the realm of possibility so that they might rule even the downloadable games kingdom with their iron fist.
This brings me to my second objection to the lackluster offering of downloadable titles. Where is the depth? I mean these games that everyone has made by now, I don’t even see them as games. To me they are not games, and I don’t see them as being worthy of that moniker or my time and money. Back in the early 80’s they might have been seen as games, but I like to think that we have come a little further since then.
Pick up any RPG, but for the same of argument let me state two examples, one being any 3d Zelda game and the other any 3D Final Fantasy game. Any of those games, apart from offering you over 50 hours of pure gameplay each, also somehow managed to cram about half a dozen mini-games into their game world. These mini-games are fun, well thought through and about a million times better than the shit that is being dished out as downloadables. I would never play any of those mini-games as a standalone thing, because I think they are pointless wastes of time, but once incorporated seamlessly into world of a much larger game I usually give them a go for a few rounds before returning to the main quest. That is where mini-games like that belong, a small part of a huge game that I payed 50-60$ for not ripped out and forced into a standalone package for 8-10$. Think about that, you get half a dozen or more in a 60$ game while some idiots managed to charge up to or more than 8$ for just a measly pathetic single one.
I even somehow managed to buy a few of the so called worthy ones over the years, and there they sit on my XMB, haunting me like the ghosts of Christmas past, begging me to justify the money I flushed down the loo by purchasing them by actually playing them. The process is always the same when I spot one of the said few. A tiny little guy inside my head scurries up the wobbly stairs to the upper parts of my brain stem in order to pose the question to the powers that be, “Should I play this title?”. Every single time the answer is the same, when the ominous looking ivory door that the little guy disappeared behind just moments ago is kicked open as he runs out half scared and beaten three quarters to death he stumbles falling down the wobbly stairs and finally cracks his head open as it meets the floor. His punishment is just considering his crime, the crime of posing such a stupid question whose answer is never changing, “No, you rather play a REAL game you wanker!”.
When people where talking about downloadable games, back when they were still an ideal and not the grim reality of now, I thought the idea was to allow developers to go back and make games like the ones on the Genesis, Super Nintendo and even the original PlayStation. A game that looked, played and were of the same scope of what games were back then, only they could justify releasing it on a modern console because it would not take shelf space and would only cost a fraction. They would still be games, but not as back-breakingly huge and expensive as next generation games.
I guess the joke was on me as I imagined something like an RPG or platformer, just like they used to make them in the 16 bit days. Or how about legendary games like Vagrant story that did not sell enough to warrant a 200 million dollar sequel but still enough to justify a sequel as a downloadable game, that was what I expected to see, and I imagine many more did too. Instead what did we get? Crappy mini games that make me sick to the stomach. That kind of sheit belongs on a webpage as a free flash game to be frequented by the proverbial bored middle aged housewife, or who ever the hell it is that play them and keep that side of the industry alive.
I mean, there was a time, back in my early teens where I would have wanted to play those types of games. You see, back then games were simple, very simple and you didn’t care about gameplay or story or depth or anything at all about a game. I played games because they were games, and the concept of controlling something on a TV screen intrigued me. You see, I was young, stupid, unspoiled and unjaded and there were no “bad games” as far as I was concerned, I could play anything and I would enjoy it.
But gaming and my tastes have since evolved and now games mean more; much, much more that any of those lackluster downloadable games offer. Seriously, how hard can it be to adhere to the same standards that people made games by 10-15 years ago, or even games on the frigging GBA? In fact why not games like the ones on the GBA, they are awesome games on that system. The last truly great 2D system, the successor to the SNES. Why can’t we see games like the GBA Gunstar Heroes sequel, the 2D Castlevania games or even some good oldskool 2D style RPG’s? I would settle for that much, hell, I would settle for 8 bit quality titles, but we are not even getting that.
And you know who I blame? I blame Uncle Billy! Those slimy bastards were the first out with the downloadables, they got to decide what was to be developed for and come out on their download service and so they set the course and bar for the entire industry; and what a company to give that job to it was. By the time SONY came along the standards for this new venue were set in stone, and they just followed along, because that is just how the industry works, a little of the same lemming bug there too I guess. But at least SONY is trying to support new thinking, quirky or even artistic titles on the PSN, even though they still don’t feel like games to me.
In fact in the entire pathetic existence of this new venue only once would I have voiced my protests if someone put a knife to its jugular and threatened to end its life. That one time came about recently when Capcom announced Mega Man 9, an complete true to its origins 8bit sequel to a series that was once great until Capcom, like they always do, kept squeezing and squeezing it until all life had escaped it. Mega Man 9 is exactly what the artist in my head painted a rosy depiction off back in 2005 when people were discussing the soon to emerge downloadable games venue, and how it was going to save the industry as everyone formed daisy chains as they danced in the sunshine of the new world order it would bring. Unfortunately, I have a feeling, nay, I bloody know for sure that as great as Mega Man 9 is going to finally be it never the less is not going to start a trend of people making actual games worth playing on the PSN.
We had one chance at a new untapped niche in this industry and we could have turned it into something special, magical even, but instead shit like Geometry Wars is flung to its face, proves to be profitable and everyone else just start doing the same. It is too late to change things around now, crappy mini-games are what we are stuck with forever, a niche cannot be rewritten once it has been established and proven profitable.
Kamiboy’s views do not necessarily reflect those of TheSixthAxis.
Comments
Please note that all comments are the opinion of the individual author and not TheSixthAxis.
dirtyhabit | 30/07/2008 22:04
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If someone offered me £10 to deliver a letter I’d drive there.
If they offered me £1 I’d walk.
proog | 30/07/2008 22:06
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Interesting article. I guess I feel the same way about some PSN games, like flOw or GripShift, both of which I for some reason bought. They are fun for the first couple of minutes, and then they just don’t offer enough depth for me to be kept interested. Two games I haven’t regret buying on the PSN are Warhawk and Super Stardust HD. While Warhawk might not fit completely with the other downloadable games, SSHD does. I mean, it’s a two-stick shooter. But strangely I still find myself playing it from time to time when I just want a quick burst of fun without worrying about saving, doing missions or playing the game “the right way”. Part of what makes SSHD interesting is that Housemarque keeps getting back to it and adding new features and expansions. Granted, I have not bought any expansions for SSHD, but simply adding trophy support and custom soundtracks is enough to squeeze just a little more simple fun out of the game. I still don’t believe I bought that LocoRoco Cocoreccho shit. WHAT WAS I THINKING.
glennpfc | 30/07/2008 22:17
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So you are upset that you bought some games you didn’t like? I’m sure that is not exclusive to downloadable games.
You can boil down FPSs to whatever you like to make them sound boring..the same can be done with any genre…RPG Grind Grind Random battles Random battle..(I like RPGS). These things all go in cycles, I remember when all you could buy was 2D platformers and fighting games, not really the same now. The PSN store isn’t really as grim as you make it out to be, Warhawk, Siren and potentially the new Ratchet game look like they could fill the not quite disc games. The pixel junk games have been pretty unique. Are Fat Princess, Pain, Flower and Bionic Commando just Robotron clones?
Sounds more like you are upset that we are in a Games “Industry” which like the movie industry is driven on “What worked before”. Which is why we have so many sequels. I think PSN has had a pretty solid selection of games, with the gaps filled in with PSX stuff… to each their own I guess but I will choose to disagree with you
PS. Geometry wars was good fun…the million clones may not be
dirtyhabit | 30/07/2008 22:37
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Granted some of the games are a bit poor. I have some regrets myself. But if we put it into perspective. It costs £6 to hire a blu-ray from blockbuster. You will only get 3hrs out of that, (assuming you watch it twice)!
You can get 4-6hrs out of these downloadable titles. Look at COD4 single player 6hrs. £40, Uncharted (top game BTW) 5-6hrs. £40.Heavenly swo…. need I go on?
Also most PSN titles are party/multiplayer affairs so don’t need to be so deep. Just pick up and play.
I am (proudly) completely ignorant of the “Marketplace” games, therefore cannot comment. But i do feel that most of the PSN titles I have played have been innovative and fresh.
Warhawk, Siren & GT5P are paving the way for fully fledged downloadable games. I wouldn’t be surprised if MAG were to be available on PSN.
But for now. My opinion is that a drunken game of PAIN with your mates at 2am, after a night at the pub. For a fiver, is not a bad thing.
SYY2127 | 30/07/2008 22:53
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I don’t know why you’re obsessed so much as to post about this but, I bought SSHD for the trophies and started to like it. Whenever I don’t want to play one of my games and put it in the PS3 I play SSHD and I’ve completed almost every world three times because I started to like it.
clarkec321 | 30/07/2008 22:55
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This is one of the most spot on assesments I’ve ever read of the games industry,but it is also reflected in the movie and the music industry if not retail as a whole (If on retailer sells alot of something, then their competitors are going to try and cash in on by mirroring the product with something similar of their own)
For FPS the male american gamer is mainly to blame, cause those types of games are brought in huge volumes, the 360 has built most of it’s fanbase on this, and it’s probably the sole reason it’s still shifting consoles worldwide, Now as Sony needs to sell consoles, and sell them fast to bring some much needed profits for the group, they obviously need to take a few percentage points from MS, so they need to make FPS, and they need to make them better than MS do, work is obviously well on the way for Killzone & Resistance sequels, and I’m sure they’ll shift a few consoles in the market they’re aimed at
I can’t see it was that different in the past, there has always been platformers, sideways scrollers (2d) shoot ‘em ups, etc… etc…
The industry, like any other emulates success rather than creates it, it’s easier, cheaper & less risky
The PSN has quite a few original games, amongst the not so good ones
I played SSHD alot when it 1st came out, I can’t be bothered to replay it just to get a trophy or two though
I’ve also brought some games that I’ve only played once Calling All Cars and a few others
The biggest problem with downloadable games though, is they don’t really do anything a free Java/Flash game do on the internet
Playability is what counts though, just look at Sonic (great in 2d, shite in 3d) most of the time simpler games are better, like Vice City is better than San Andreas
At the end of the day though, vote with your wallet and buy games you like, and don’t buy ones you know you’ll dislike
Chris
ps All I want is a downloadable Road Rash game… give it the HD treatment if you want, just don’t over complicate it
clarkec321 | 30/07/2008 23:04
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@Proog – PixelJunk Eden looks a bit like LocoRoco Cocoreccho
Originality indeed!
dirtyhabit | 30/07/2008 23:07
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agreed
dirtyhabit | 30/07/2008 23:07
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@clarkc321 BTW
sorry
stefhutch20 | 30/07/2008 23:22
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I take it “Kamiboy’s views do not necessarily reflect those of TheSixthAxis” is really “Kamiboy’s views definitely do not reflect those of TheSixthAxis”. Seriously, there’s a simple solution… if you don’t want to buy downloadable games then don’t, and stop trying to force your depressingly pessimistic views on everyone else.
clarkec321 | 30/07/2008 23:33
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@stefhutch20
I think the point of the article is it’s a missed opportunity
Originality should win out in the end, just look at how many Wii’s are being sold on the back of a couple of good concepts amongst hundreds of poorly implemented ones
glennpfc | 30/07/2008 23:57
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Just seems like this is all nothing new. The industry has been chasing the cash for all my life. I remember a million FF clones after the JRPG boom. All the rubbish fighting games after SF2 and all the mario 64 “clones”. Lack of originality is nothing new in film, music or games. Originality isn’t always all that it is cracked up to be. God of War is one of the least original games ever, but it is so fantastically executed. We don’t need originality we just need good games. Has the Wii stopped the great games coming to PS360? Looking at the release calendar doest make me think so. For every block buster amazing game there will be 10 poor imitators…just don’t buy them!
seedaripper1973 | 30/07/2008 23:59
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i lost all respect for the article once the word ‘retarded’ was thrown about…the irony
nofi | 31/07/2008 07:08
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Testing reply feature.
nofi | 31/07/2008 07:14
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Mmm. Bit bright.
nofi | 31/07/2008 10:24
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Test
stefhutch20 | 31/07/2008 00:01
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@clarkec321
I get the article, but, personally, I disagree that it is a wasted opportunity. I’m looking forward to downloading Eden tomorrow, and with other games such as Warhawk, Super Stardust, echochrome and PAIN, I think the variety on the store is diverse enough for most people.
Plus, the majority of people won’t have the time (or the money) to download too many games anyway, so, for me at least, the selection of games currently on offer on the PSN is good.
monty2k | 31/07/2008 00:03
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I agree with the idea that downloadable games should have ushered in a
new era of gaming innovation, but wasn’t the myspace revolution meant to produce the new beatles/band of our generation? Instead all we got was Kate Nash and Lily Allen.
Your point about the GBA is a poor example due to the thousands of shite games on the system compared to the hundred or so good ones. This is exactly the kind of low good to bad ratio that you’re complaining about with downloadable games. Also there are several reasons why we don’t see GBA quality stuff on the PSN or Live marketplace; mainly it’s because the GBA had a much larger user base and more expensive prices (£20-30 IIRC).
I don’t think that downloadable games will really come into their own consoles with very large storage become standard. Up till recently the Live marketplace had a 150Mb size cap that affected a few live arcade titles and the Wii’s lack of onboard storage is crippling WiiWare titles.
I reckon I should end this post by saying that I own Geometry Wars 1 and 2 (with whose release I’m guessing your rant was timed to coincide) and SS:HD.
Also why no mention of the virtual console or WiiWare?