Abridged Too Far – Seventeen
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Article written by Gastos84 in Blog, Features, on Friday, November 20, 2009 at 10:00.
METAL GEAR SOLID
There was once a man called Snake. Solid Snake, to be precise. Not much needs to be said about Snake other than he was awesome! He had that ‘One-Pixel-Face’ look down to a ’T’ and he could circumcise a mosquito from a mile away using Ninja Throwing Stars. The only downside to Snake was that he was moodier than a puberty stricken teenager.
One day, Snake was kidnapped by a group of people and shoved onto a submarine. Press-Ganging was making a huge comeback apparently. Snake finally regained consciousness but was still unaware of his location. Then a rather annoying noise occurred. Snake looked around the cabin and told the Chas & Dave tribute band in the corner to shut up! Then another rather annoying noise occurred. This time it was from inside his ear. Snake new what this was. He pressed his ear and heard a familiar voice.
SNAKE’S MUM: Snake, what time do you think you’ll be home? It’s just I have a quiche in the oven and I don’t want it to go to waste.
SNAKE: Mum! Not now. I’m busy.
Snake changed the radio frequency.
COLONEL ROY CAMPBELL: Hello Snake. Long time no see.
SNAKE: What the hell do you want?
COLONEL: It’s nice to speak to you too! I was wondering whether or not you wanted to do one last mission for me?
SNAKE: Go to hell.
COLONEL: I knew you would say that which is why you are currently on a submarine heading towards Shadow Moses Island.
SNAKE: You C…
COLONEL: Now now Snake. Deep down you know you want to do it so stop all the resistance and just accept it. I’m going to give you the mission brief…
SNAKE: La la la, I can’t hear you.
COLONEL: It includes my Niece at some point.
SNAKE: Meryl? I’m listening.
COLONEL: Okay, so…Shadow Moses Island has been taken over by a group of advanced and genetically modified soldiers commanded by FOXHOUND. The island is actually a Nuclear Disposal facility and they have gained access to a great big machine known as Metal Gear REX. They have threatened the government with nuclear repercussions if they do not hand over the remains of ‘Big Boss’ within 24 hours.
NOTE TO READER: In an unfortunate incident, a fire swept through my study and burned most of this story! I say ’swept’, it was actually localised on my pad! Don’t worry though, no one was hurt and Kratos the Cat survived with only slightly singed whiskers. I have managed to salvage everything I possibly could.
THE END
Comments
Please note that all comments are the opinion of the individual author and not TheSixthAxis.
Gastos84 | 20/11/2009 10:03
Team TSA: Writer
3610 TSA Points | Member since: Apr 2009
I need to say thanks to Peter for doing the graphics on this one. Thank you Peter!
kevatron400 | 20/11/2009 10:05
Member
1549 TSA Points | Member since: Dec 2008
Really really good! Well done. Best one yet!
jonny_bolton | 20/11/2009 10:17
Chooses The Impossible
1813 TSA Points | Member since: Oct 2008
Brilliant! Best line? “Is that body still warm?” Superb stuff. Another triumph!
aerobes | 20/11/2009 10:23
Member
553 TSA Points | Member since: Aug 2009
Excellent stuff Gastos, Hitting borders with the Otacon, Sniper Wolf bit, Funny as hell though!
Unique way of cutting the story down to essentials too, Sterling work the pair of you.
rht992 | 20/11/2009 10:36
Member
2277 TSA Points | Member since: Apr 2009
Unexpected and utterly brilliant. Sankes mum, bad french and german porn. just fantastic
hol | 20/11/2009 10:45
Member
174 TSA Points | Member since: Oct 2009
as always, brilliant.
hannes_truce | 20/11/2009 10:51
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2808 TSA Points | Member since: Sep 2008
So thats where I left my porn *runs off to shadow moses*
Pixl1983 | 20/11/2009 11:39
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439 TSA Points | Member since: Forever
Nicely done Gastos. Love it
BadBoyBoogie | 20/11/2009 14:43
Let There Be Rock
2515 TSA Points | Member since: Mar 2009
Another great entry in the Abridged series.
DRCD1 | 20/11/2009 15:09
Member
674 TSA Points | Member since: Dec 2008
Very nice Gastos.
mynameisblair | 20/11/2009 16:37
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3666 TSA Points | Member since: May 2009
That was… wonderful.
“Is the body still warm” made me lol loads! Well done!
clank250 | 20/11/2009 16:44
Member
574 TSA Points | Member since: Oct 2008
Ah that was great! “Pie…Pie… PPPIIIIEEEEE!” Great stuff! Great job!
gazzagb | 20/11/2009 17:34
Master of speling mitakse
2388 TSA Points | Member since: Feb 2009
Nice touch with the burnt paper
spooner_22 | 20/11/2009 22:51
Member
947 TSA Points | Member since: May 2009
Genius again mate. Nice one
RedStarGlow | 21/11/2009 01:18
Member
193 TSA Points | Member since: Jun 2009
My first time for ‘Abridged Too Far’.
I like it alot. ‘Riiight’
I could here the characters saying their lines loud and clear in my mind (over all the other voices….pls make the voices stop….)