What If: Aliens Exist
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What If…
Article written by Tuffcub in Features, on Wednesday, November 25, 2009 at 8:00.
Rumours are spreading across the internet on fairly reputable sites (not heatworld.com) that President Obama is going to make an official statement declaring that extra terrestrials exist. Let us assume for one minute that this will happen….
ALIENS EXIST!! F*CKING HELL!!!!
Normally this would be a job for Raen and Gastos but as they are still recovering from bite wounds from their previous jaunt through time, I have stolen the TSA Time Microwave and installed it in a cardbox box to create the TSA Tardis! Let us use it to travel to the near future of December 2010…
*Wibbly Wobbly Timey Wimey Effect*
Hello! It’s December 2010, glad you can join us. You’ve just missed Christmas dinner with my friend Zarg. I’ve been emailing Zarg for about 6 months now using the inter-space gateway installed by the Pantaloonians in the upper Earth atmosphere. I thought it was time Zarg and I met face to face so I invited him to join my family for our traditional Christmas dinner.
Things are going well although trying to explain Mince pies (no mince), Reindeer that can fly (they don’t) and Santa (fat bloke who manages to get down very narrow chimneys) to an alien is proving difficult. Pantaloonians only have one day of religious celebration, the 56th of Snorg, during which they dance, drink and worship their deity, the Almighty Hoff.
I suggested to Zarg we fire up the PS3 for a bit of post dinner gaming. We started with Dead Space 2 which I was enjoying but Zarg was rather quiet. When I asked him why he said I had just dismembered his Great Aunt Felicia on screen. How embarrasing! Ejecting the disc I quickly rummaged around for another game. Fallout 3 seemed a good choice so we spent a few hours taking turns in killing cockroaches. Zarg had a few problems interfacing his six tentacles with the Sixaxis but managed well before stumbling upon the Mothership Zeta DLC . He watched in awe as his character was beamed up to the flying saucer and told me his brother, Zumm, has a similar ship but his has alloys and a spoiler.
Once his character had entered the ship, Zarg was horrified to find he had to slaughter more aliens. It turns out that the Fallout alien characters look very similar to the inhabitants of the planet Skonk.
“Skonkanites are peace loving and devote their life to nature and beauty, they would never attack anyone!” a horrified Zarg tells me.
Oh dear! Another intergalactic faux pas! Quick, activate the TSA Tardis before anything else happens!
*Wibbly Wobbly Timey Wimey Effect*
If that is to be our future, what would be the impact on gaming if there is life on other planets? If you think there was a bit of a fuss when you shot some unarmed Russians in Modern Warfare 2 imagine the worldwide uproar if, after Obama tells us E.T. is real, a game was released where you slaughter our new intergalatic neighbours. In the current ‘Nanny State’ where anything remotely offensive to anyone is condemned, would we see the end of Sci Fi shoot ‘em ups?
Comments
Please note that all comments are the opinion of the individual author and not TheSixthAxis.
Rob92 | 25/11/2009 08:02
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Aunt Felicia… lol
Wouldn’t that be amazing if Obama did.
rht992 | 25/11/2009 12:51
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2277 TSA Points | Member since: Apr 2009
Screw Obama telling us aliens are real! I want Dr Who to appear and fight off a horde of them just outside my house so i can get a good few
GhostViper | 25/11/2009 08:08
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167 TSA Points | Member since: Aug 2008
Ooo, a TSA Tardis. Pick me up in Norway
Tuffcub | 25/11/2009 09:14
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3438 TSA Points | Member since: Dec 2008
We can’t there’s some sort of interference.. a rift that has been closed somewhere near Dålig Ulv Stranden..
GhostViper | 25/11/2009 09:21
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167 TSA Points | Member since: Aug 2008
Haha, to bad. I live about 50 miles from Dårlig Ulv Stranden.
kevatron400 | 25/11/2009 12:10
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1549 TSA Points | Member since: Dec 2008
I thought my respect for you couldn’t rise any higher TC. I was wrong (and although it sounds it, that’s really not sarcasm!).
Tuffcub | 25/11/2009 13:32
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3438 TSA Points | Member since: Dec 2008
I suspect that respect is about to plummet when Davs posts the video…
Lorcan | 25/11/2009 08:19
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You’ve shown true selflessness here TC.
Here you were apologising for killing his kind, but I bet he had no problem playing modern warfare 2 and tearing down a line of HUMAN soldiers!
cc_star | 25/11/2009 08:34
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5864 TSA Points | Member since: Forever
Soldiers? Wonder what he’d make of civilians.
Tuffcub | 25/11/2009 08:51
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A nice Sheperds Pie.
scavenga | 25/11/2009 08:54
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LOL
illogicology | 25/11/2009 08:36
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689 TSA Points | Member since: Sep 2009
“Wibbly Wobbly Timey Wimey”
I love you so very much.
scavenga | 25/11/2009 08:58
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422 TSA Points | Member since: Jul 2009
If alien life were to be proven real, chances are the species in question would already hate whichever other species portrayed in the games, and wouldn’t mind having a go to get to virtually obliterate some of his/her/its foes.
Tuffcub | 25/11/2009 09:07
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3438 TSA Points | Member since: Dec 2008
Aliens are evil world destroyers (ID4) or completely pacifists (Close Encounters). What if its the cudlly wuddly non-warmongers? We cant go shooting them in games!
DJ Judas | 25/11/2009 08:58
Epic
368 TSA Points | Member since: Aug 2008
If aliens are ever announced to the world byt the US President over TV then I’ll eat my fingers.
I’m starving!
skibadee | 25/11/2009 12:40
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1970 TSA Points | Member since: Oct 2009
i would cut mine off.
Ed the Penguin | 25/11/2009 09:06
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310 TSA Points | Member since: Dec 2008
Ahem.. It’s TARDIS, actually…
…Ah, there’s my coat!
Tuffcub | 25/11/2009 09:10
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3438 TSA Points | Member since: Dec 2008
No, its the the TSA Tardis – I named it, and im avoiding copyright laws by having it lower case. It starnds for Tuffcubs Automatic Relocation Doorway In Spacetime.
kevatron400 | 25/11/2009 12:11
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Fantastic!
Gastos84 | 25/11/2009 09:09
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Zarg is more than welcome round my house on account of the fact that I was too scared to dismember his Aunt and I became very good friends with a mutant. He’ll fit in a treat!
Damigos | 25/11/2009 10:24
* Banned *
-828 TSA Points | Member since: Nov 2009
Lolen!
Pesico | 25/11/2009 11:24
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Great article:) Better finish Fallout 3 dlc before december!
Hank The Slayer | 25/11/2009 11:53
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Great story TC.. I will be smiling all day now thinking of Zarg and the “wibbly wobbly timey wimey effect” during your time travel excersions in your TSA Tardis..
seedaripper1973 | 25/11/2009 18:01
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1356 TSA Points | Member since: Forever
well they better be like this lot, otherwise i’ll get scared…
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Adventure_Game
(anyone remember?)
seedaripper1973 | 25/11/2009 18:22
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heres the intro (just to jog ones memory)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xi0RPiAbs_w
legalisemurder | 25/11/2009 20:58
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Hmm..the honolulu exopolitic examiner.I think its more likely obama will announce that he is the second coming of jesus christ.
Cjdamon042 | 25/11/2009 21:46
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394 TSA Points | Member since: Jul 2009
I did not know about any of this :/
If true, woo! About bloody time if you ask me. It’s obvious that Earth isn’t the only planet in the universe to hold life, but some official confirmation wouldn’t hurt.
freezebug2 | 26/11/2009 00:06
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Great article Tuff I laughed like a good’n reading this.
freezebug2 | 26/11/2009 00:51
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Also I think dissapointment for some is imminent as he will announce that Alien life is a dream for some but fantasy in reality.
seedaripper1973 | 26/11/2009 01:16
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He’s probably gonna admit that mexican immigrants exist, or something about Quentin Crisp