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The Sun Offers Sensible 3DS Advice

Comedy!

‘Nintendo 3DS is game for a barf’ is the puntastic and completely inaccurate headline in today’s The Sun. Obviously a bit riled that they were caught out yesterday for exaggerating the problems with the new Nintendo console the ‘newspaper’ has called in medical experts to substantiate their claims.

‘Their man’ Lee Price, 22, played Street Fighter and Pro Evolution Soccer in four 30-minute slots with a ten minute break between each play. For the first thirty minutes of play (during which he sat on a sofa) Lee seemed to be fine and the Doctor agreed. The next session Lee stood up and the Doc noted ‘slight nystagmus, where your eyes race from side-to-side’.

For the third half hour Lee played the game whilst ‘walking idly down the street’. Lee’s pulse and blood pressure has risen, thus proving that the 3DS is having an effect and certainly not because Lee is a bit tubby and having to move. “If this was your resting rate, I’d recommend you saw a GP about high blood pressure,” says Doctor Carol.

It’s not his resting rate Carol, nothing to worry about, but well done The Sun for just slipping in the phrase ‘high blood pressure’.

The Sun does not report how many open manholes Lee fell in to whilst playing his 3DS, nor the amount of times he walked into a tree or got hit by a truck as he wasn’t paying attention whilst crossing the road. Surely these side effects of playing the 3DS whilst ‘walking idly down the street’ are far more serious?

For the final hour Lee is playing the 3DS in a car. Lee is feeling ‘very nauseated’ because his eyes are trying to focus on the 3DS whilst the car rumbles about. He has blood pressure of 140/84, pulse 85. “If this rate is sustained for a long period it could damage circulation. I think the break period needs to be significantly increased,” advises Doctor Carol.

The sun concludes with verdicts from both Lee and Carol.

LEE’S VERDICT: After two hours, it’s time to put it away.

CAROL’S VERDICT: Children should not be left to play on it for hours.

Excellent advice there, The Sun. Well done.

Read more: #
47 Comments
  1. Deathbrin
    Member
    Since: Aug 2009

    It’s all fun an stuff, but that basically means The Sun has earned the attention from TSA.

    Comment posted on 06/04/2011 at 11:52.
    • Tuffcub
      On the naughty step.
      Since: Dec 2008

      It’s hard to take the piss out of them without mentioning their name :)

      Comment posted on 06/04/2011 at 12:44.
      • gaffers101
        Member
        Since: Oct 2008

        And you did it very well too.

        Comment posted on 06/04/2011 at 13:11.
  2. 3shirts
    Member
    Since: Aug 2008

    I might cancel my subscription

    Comment posted on 06/04/2011 at 11:56.
  3. BrendanCalls
    Post Hoc, Ergo Propter Hoc - YOHIMBÉ!!!
    Since: Forever

    Brendan Callaghan, 27, read The Sun in four 30-minute slots with a ten minute break between each read. For the first thirty minutes of reading (during which he sat on a sofa) Brendan seemed to be fine and the Doctor agreed. The next session Brendan stood up and the Doc noted ‘slight stupidity, where your brain can’t focus on anything more than boobs and bums.

    For the third half hour Brendan read The Sun whilst ‘walking idly down the street’. Brendan’s pulse and blood pressure has risen, thus proving that The Sun is having an effect and certainly not because Brendan is a bit tubby and having to move. “If this was your resting rate, I’d recommend you saw a GP about high blood pressure,” says Doctor TuffCub.

    For the final hour Lee is reading The Sun in a car. Lee is feeling ‘very bigoted’ because his brain is trying to understand why foreign-gypsy-wizards are stealing our babies and selling drugs to our grannys, all whilst the car rumbles about. He has blood pressure of 1400/845, pulse 900. “If this bigotry is sustained for a long period it could damage society. I think the restrictions on the paper needs to be significantly increased,” advises Doctor TuffCub.

    The Sun concludes with verdicts from both Brendan and TuffCub.

    LEE’S VERDICT: After two hours, it’s time go out hunting some baby killing immigrants.

    CAROL’S VERDICT: People should not be left un-supervised while a copy of The Sun is in the vicinity.

    Excellent advice there, The Sun. Well done.

    Comment posted on 06/04/2011 at 11:59.
    • Sympozium
      Member
      Since: Aug 2009

      *thumbs up, haha

      Comment posted on 06/04/2011 at 12:05.
    • BrendanCalls
      Post Hoc, Ergo Propter Hoc - YOHIMBÉ!!!
      Since: Forever

      Dammit, I forgot to changes some of the names in the 3rd paragraph, but youn get the point

      Comment posted on 06/04/2011 at 12:07.
    • TSBonyman
      Member
      Since: Dec 2009

      Lol , well done! :)

      Comment posted on 06/04/2011 at 12:07.
    • Person678
      BOOM! Headshot!
      Since: Jan 2009

      foreign-gypsy-wizards. Teehee, made my day.

      Comment posted on 06/04/2011 at 12:30.
      • matthangzhou
        Member
        Since: Sep 2010

        Good stuff! Made me chuckle.

        Comment posted on 06/04/2011 at 13:07.
    • KeRaSh
      Member
      Since: Nov 2009

      Internets, you just won two of them!

      Comment posted on 06/04/2011 at 14:39.
    • rht992
      Member
      Since: Apr 2009

      I like this guy!

      Comment posted on 06/04/2011 at 15:31.
    • ScottW-1976
      Member
      Since: Dec 2009

      Great stuff Brendan. Good job it wasn’t the daily mail or foreign-gypsy-wizards would have been understating the bigotry.

      Comment posted on 06/04/2011 at 17:08.
  4. bunimomike
    Member
    Since: Jul 2009

    The only good thing to take from this is the “playing on the 3DS in the car”. There’s going to be a lot of chundertastic moments, I’m sure.

    My advice would be to have a few tots of whisky if you’re thinking of playing on the 3DS at the same time as driving. It’ll help steady your hands so the 3D effect isn’t ruined.

    Comment posted on 06/04/2011 at 12:01.
    • Deathbrin
      Member
      Since: Aug 2009

      Well, surely they implied kids would be playing their “3DSs” in their parent’s cars.

      Comment posted on 06/04/2011 at 12:47.
    • DingoDynamite
      Member
      Since: May 2009

      The reporter ought to try reading the ‘Health and Safety’ instructions that came with the 3DS. These specifically state that you shouldn’t have 3D turned on whilst in the car, as the combined affect of motion/3D would make you feel sick.

      Comment posted on 06/04/2011 at 13:06.
    • Amphlett
      Member
      Since: Jul 2009

      I get motion sickness whenever I’m in a car, bus, etc. if I’m not looking out of the window. It’s a very common complaint which is brought on by the lack of coordination between the balance systems in the ear and the body’s physical motion cues picked up by the brain. So, I could be looking at the floor, be blindfolded or reading a book, they would all make me feel sick after about ten minutes of travel.
      The fact that the 3DS is in 3D mode or not would make no difference to me if I were playing whilst travelling, I’d be sick either way.
      so whilst their motion sickness statement is true, it’s also a little disingenuous.

      Comment posted on 06/04/2011 at 14:34.
  5. cam the man
    Member
    Since: May 2009

    I think the Sun is getting a bit carried away with the 3DS reports.
    I wonder how many people have been put off buying one.

    Comment posted on 06/04/2011 at 12:02.
    • Squalje
      Member
      Since: Jan 2010

      Probably a tiny fraction. They have quite a large readership and dare I say some of those readers will believe anything they print.

      Comment posted on 06/04/2011 at 13:59.
  6. Sympozium
    Member
    Since: Aug 2009

    oh, cool sad british office workers payed for hating on gaming

    ironically I have Street Fighter and PES only so far ehehe

    Comment posted on 06/04/2011 at 12:04.
  7. colossalblue
    Team TSA: Editor
    Since: Forever

    140/84 is a walk in the park, wimp.
    I recently got 180/110 which I think puts me at the top of my friends list leader board and quite respectable on the global leader boards.

    Comment posted on 06/04/2011 at 12:07.
    • djhsecondnature
      Since: Forever

      Maybe he’s afraid of cars…

      Comment posted on 06/04/2011 at 12:25.
    • Tuffcub
      On the naughty step.
      Since: Dec 2008

      I’ll let you know mine tomorrow – im inflating right now :)

      P.S. FNAR

      Comment posted on 06/04/2011 at 12:42.
  8. Carl
    Member
    Since: Jan 2009

    Even though these reports are mounds of horse shit, they will no doubt put loads of people off buying one

    Comment posted on 06/04/2011 at 12:07.
    • ScottW-1976
      Member
      Since: Dec 2009

      Nah, will have very little effect on sales if any. No such thing as bad publicity, More likely will make more people aware of the existence of the 3DS.

      Comment posted on 06/04/2011 at 17:12.
  9. TSBonyman
    Member
    Since: Dec 2009

    Anyone else think of Steve Martins “The Jerk” when they saw the photo above right! :)

    Comment posted on 06/04/2011 at 12:11.
  10. BIGAL-1992
    Member
    Since: Jan 2009

    The bloke looks like he’s had a long night with the missus/manservant/robotic sex doll.

    Comment posted on 06/04/2011 at 12:12.
    • Amphlett
      Member
      Since: Jul 2009

      He looks more like he’s making a new version of ‘Supersize me’ and is starting to suffer some sugar, salt and fat overdose effects.

      Comment posted on 06/04/2011 at 14:36.

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