XI
you are not logged in
News

News Snatch: Fuse Screens, Cliffy Hearts Ubi And Better Willies

THE CUBE

Blimey Charlie, news is rather sparse today so let us whip through the bobbins as quick as possible.

Ready… set… GO!

Call of Duty: Black Ops Declassified is getting patched and a bunch of LEGO Lord Of The Rings game discs have been sent out mislabelled as demos.

Ubisoft have slowed (read: stopped) work on Beyond Good & Evil 2 to concentrate on Rayman Legends and they are circling the slowly rotting corpse of THQ looking for juicy franchises to buy. They have also moved Rainbow Six Patriots to next gen consoles and are ‘very pleased’ with the sales of Assassin’s Creed: Liberation

Neogaf users are reporting that their Origin accounts have been hacked and Jet Set Radio will finally arrive on PS Vita next week. EA have opened a new studio in Sweden and have named it ‘Ghost‘, they are looking for a ‘vehicle artist’ which means their next game will have… wait for it… vehicles! Woo!

Bobbins done, only a few larger stories to cover, beginning with the news that Insomniac have opened a website for their new generic shooter with a dull name that no one will buy. Admit it, you know it’s true, unless the game gets 10/10 from every website and magazine in existence it will debut at around No.3 in the charts then sink without trace. At least it’s nice to see the cast of abysmal PS3 shooter Haze have found work again.

Ex-Epic chap, Cliffy B, has hinted than he may be moving to Ubisoft. “Hotel called my room. A package for me? Inside? A fully charged phone with one [number] programmed and the Ubisoft logo on the backdrop. Now what?” he tweeted. “I’m going to call the number on the Ubi phone and say: I do have a very particular set of skills; skills I have acquired over a very long career. Skills that make me an asset for people like you.”

This is the same Cliffy B who barely a month ago left Epic saying that after 20 years hard work ‘it’s time for a much needed break’. Hmmmmm..

Peter Molyneux has been making rather useless excuses (I’m a fiesty mood today, can you tell?) about the Curiosity servers, they have become overloaded as thousands of people pointlessly tap at their iPhones for no reason whatsover. “A tiny little studio from Guilford – how were we to know?” he said. Well perhaps the ridiculous amount of coverage from every gaming site on the web may have given you hint? The huge amount of hype perhaps, mostly generated by yourself? Just in the past 24 hours you have given interviews to CVG, MCV and NowGamer.

At least one aspect of the experiment is improving, “Every time a surface gets cleared the willy drawers come in and their willies are getting bigger and they’re getting more realistic and they’re starting to spurt DNA all over the cube and stuff like that,” commented Peter.

And finally… ever wanted a game in which straight-to-DVD star Danny Trejo teams up with Apple co-founder Steve Wozniak and they kick ass?  Then your wish is about to come true,  Danny Trejo’s Vengeance: Woz With A Coz will launch for mobile devices in a few weeks.

5 Comments
  1. hazelam
    Member
    Since: Feb 2009

    i’ve defended Molyneux before, but “how were we to know?”
    you were bigging it up like the second frakking coming pete, what the hell did you expect?

    i wonder if cliffy spent the rest of the credit on that phone calling premium rate porn lines.
    he seems like the type who might. ^_^

    that’s a joke, don’t sue me Cliff.

    Comment posted on 14/11/2012 at 17:28.
  2. Taylor Made
    Member
    Since: Oct 2011

    My bet if Ubi buys some franchise of THQ I recommend Darksiders give it to the prince of Persia team & we have another classic game on the making :)

    Comment posted on 14/11/2012 at 18:47.
  3. ron_mcphatty
    Member
    Since: Sep 2008

    I love it when Guildford gets a mention. Between the Lego games and the Black Ops/Mass Effect cock ups I wonder if the disc printers have successfully buried any other hilarious miss-printing/packaging incidents that we’d get a laugh from? And Cliffy B, is his name affiliated with Biffy Clyro’s Biro?

    Comment posted on 14/11/2012 at 21:24.
  4. TheDemocrodile
    Member
    Since: May 2010

    Ahhhh Peter, you once great Muppet, if it was anyone else that claimed “how were we to know” id give them both barrels of my Virtual Flame Cannon but as its you ill simply shake my head pityingly.

    Not even Dungeon Keeper 3 would restore your reputation my friend.

    Comment posted on 14/11/2012 at 22:01.
  5. gazzagb
    Master of speling mitakse
    Since: Feb 2009

    I was gutted when I heard the Rainbow Six news, it was my most anticipated game of 2013.

    Comment posted on 14/11/2012 at 23:48.

Leave a Reply

You must be logged in to post a comment.

Latest Comments