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News Snatch: Watch Dogs, PS4 Power And Conan Letching on Lara

Spurting news into your eysockets.

A rather packed Snatch today. We have a few days to catch up on as I’ve been busy doing other things, mostly my actual job which gets in the way of posting trailers and making knob gags. Let’s start with video for Need For Speed: Most Wanted – A Criterion Game which highlights three new DLC packs which are available for PS3 and Xbox 360 but annoyingly not for PS Vita.


How powerful is the PS4? EA say it is super duper powerful but what do they know, let’s ask the guys who built the thing, AMD.

“It is by far the most powerful APU we have built to date, it leverages [intellectual property] that you will find in our A-series APUs later this year, our new generation of APUs but none that will quite be to that level of sheer number of cores, sheer number of teraflops.”

An AMD chip is rumoured to be at the heart of the Xbox 720 so AMD’s comment that “we have not built an APU quite like that for anyone else in the market,” is rather intriguing, could the Xbox 720 be underpowered compared to Sony’s new console?

Basically, PS4 = RAAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWRRR!!


The Wii Mini will set you back about £80, GAME and other retailers have the butchered console for sale at £79.99 or you could buy a pre-owned Wii (Wii Maxi?) for £39.99.


Sony have released a new trailer for God Of War: Ascension in which Kratos guts a spider lady, punches a minotaur in the face and tenderly kisses a small child. One of those things is not very Kratos-like so it’s nice to know he murderizes her later on the game, he’s nothing if not reliable, our Spartan.


The Virtual Reality training mission DLC pack for Metal Gear Rising: Revengeance includes a new weapon, the ‘Snake Soul Wooden Sword’. When the player uses the weapon it will speak with the voice of Solid Snake.

I contacted a psychiatrist to decipher the meaning behind Raiden grasping Solid’s sword but was told to stop being a dirty perv.


Unsurprisingly, Bioshock Vita is still not a thing. “That’s out of my hands right now, “ said the lead singer of Maroon 5, Ken Levine. “That’s with the business guys negotiating that business deal and trying to make it work for both sides.”

The eagle-eyed among you might have spotted Just Add Water’s head honcho (and friend of TSA), Stewart Gilray tweeting at Ken Levine this week:

Now, Stranger’s Wrath on Vita, developed by JAW, is arguably the best first person shooting experience on the platform. So, there’s an idea…


A trailer for Ninja Gaiden Sigma 2 Plus which will be landing on PS Vita March 1st with a new ‘Ninja Race’ mode.


Timegate seem to be distancing themselves from Aliens: Colonial Marines and there is a lengthy article on the whole mess over on Kotaku but it can be summerised thusly: Gearbox (allegedly) gave Timegate crap to work with, constantly changed their minds and then were suprised when they got crap back. “Gearbox chose to focus on Duke Nukem Forever, Borderlands, and Borderlands 2. Colonial Marines was not a priority,” reports Kotaku, “The game feels like it was made in nine months, and that’s because it was.”


Watch Dogs will be developed for PC first, then ported to PS4 and then onto PS3 and Xbox 360. “At the moment our team is working hard to release the next generation consoles and the PC. Then other teams see how they can bring to the current generation of consoles. Maybe we at E3 two different versions can show,” said the large seabird in charge of Ubisoft, Yves Guillemot.


Epic Games art director Chris Perna has said that the original generic space marine game, Gears Of War, has been damaged by copycats. “When Gears came out it was fresh, it was dark,” he told OXM. “That’s what it’s meant to be, right? No apologies there. It was a brutal game – it was meant to be. Then everybody copied us and copied our look, and the market was flooded with Gears clones, which hurts the original.”


Hey, Respawn, remember them? The ex-Infinity Ward chaps? Well they’re going to be at E3 which means whatever they have been working on is almost certainly for the next gen. Will we see them sooner?


Square Enix have trademarked the name Deus Ex: Human Defiance, perhaps a sequel to the very lovely and very gold Deus Ex: Human Revolution?


And Finally, U.S. chat show host Conan O’Brien reviews Tomb Raider and points out Lara’s tits, then her arse, how tight her pants are, that her top really should have fallen off and… oh, you get the point.

16 Comments
  1. bunimomike
    Member
    Since: Jul 2009

    Jam-packed snatch, fella. Positively bursting at the stitches and a damn good read too.

    Although, I want you to quietly slip into hell for even writing the word “murderizes” but people would notice you’ve disappeared and start asking questions. ;-)

    Comment posted on 27/02/2013 at 14:34.
    • blast71
      Member
      Since: May 2012

      Can’t beat a snatch packed with jam, raspberry if i had a choice ;)

      Comment posted on 27/02/2013 at 19:33.
      • ron_mcphatty
        Member
        Since: Sep 2008

        Mmm, lumpy summer fruit sauce! Great snatch, the Deus Ex news is interesting.

        Comment posted on 27/02/2013 at 21:33.
  2. gazzagb
    Master of speling mitakse
    Since: Feb 2009

    Really looking forward to Respawn making an appearance at E3!

    Comment posted on 27/02/2013 at 14:48.
  3. RocketSOL
    Member
    Since: Oct 2008

    I hope there is a sequel to Deus Ex: HR. One of my favourite games this gen!

    Comment posted on 27/02/2013 at 14:53.
    • Eldur
      Member
      Since: Nov 2012

      Absolutely. A bigger and deeper PS4 sequel please!

      …WIT MOAR YELLLLOOOOOW!

      Comment posted on 27/02/2013 at 15:43.
  4. KeRaSh
    Member
    Since: Nov 2009

    I’m wondering what Gilray wants from Levine. As far as I know it’s not technical problems that are holding the Vita version back but the higher ups are still throwing around numbers…

    Comment posted on 27/02/2013 at 15:00.
    • Tuffcub
      On the naughty step.
      Since: Dec 2008

      They were going to outsource Bioshock Vita.. so JAW would be an ideal team.

      Comment posted on 27/02/2013 at 15:06.
      • KeRaSh
        Member
        Since: Nov 2009

        Wow, that would be awesome. JAW is a pretty small team, though. As far as I know they are currently working on Oddworld: Abe’s Oddysee New n’ Tasty and an unanounced but acknowledged PS4 title. That doesn’t even include other secret projects. I wonder how they owuld manage that. As much as I like Bioshock, I wouldn’t want it to get in the way of more installments in the Oddworld franchise.

        Comment posted on 27/02/2013 at 15:41.
  5. teflon
    Community Team
    Since: May 2009

    “Maybe we at E3 two different versions can show,” said Yoda.

    As for the Xbox chipset, AMD are saying the PS4′s is the most powerful one that THEY have built… to date…
    Which naturally means they’re not including the Xbox’s chipset in that comment, and that aside from providing a CPU, they might actually have next to nothing to do with the APU development for the Xbox.

    An interesting statement, sure, but it needs to be read into a particular context.

    Comment posted on 27/02/2013 at 15:03.
  6. CR8ZYH0RSE
    Member
    Since: Sep 2012

    For a start you can stop giving everyone the unreal engine to work with then maybe games wouldn’t look like Gears of war.Shiny floors,shiny walls,shiny shiny.
    A ‘snake soul wooden sword’ the biggest knob innuendo i’ve heard so far,what a weapon.8)

    Comment posted on 27/02/2013 at 15:33.
  7. Klart
    Member
    Since: Jun 2010

    Tuffcub back on his naughty step.

    Comment posted on 27/02/2013 at 15:34.
  8. Eldur
    Member
    Since: Nov 2012

    It’s interesting to note that PS3-exclusivity of the VR Missions for MGR:R, which I had been led to believe was permanent and worldwide, apparently only applies in the USA. Tuffcub’s ‘DLC Pack’ link takes you to poorly translated, if unintentionally humorous, website that says:

    ‘The VR Missions are PS3-exclusive only in North America. In Latin America and Europe, the DLC will be available for the Xbox 360 as well. The first DLC will be available for download in early April. Price 300 yen or $3.’

    Good news for Rising fans playing on the Xbox…

    Comment posted on 27/02/2013 at 15:42.
    • Tuffcub
      On the naughty step.
      Since: Dec 2008

      Yeah quite a few sites reported then as PS3 exclusive world wide, that’s not the case.

      Comment posted on 27/02/2013 at 22:30.
  9. The Lone Steven
    Never heard of him.
    Since: May 2010

    The PS4 being very powerful is one thing but to be able to develop with that power is another. I’m hoping that because Sony realised that the cell structure was too diffcult to code for and by having PS4 a bit like a PC, we won’t see shoddy ports. And when i mean shoddy ports, i mean games that have a tendecy to crash a lot, lag a lot, have a lot of bugs. In other words, a Bethesda game on the PS3.

    The Wii mini looks like a childs toy and looks like you will only use it once, it then breaks within an hour and you spend the rest of the day or week trying to get a refund. Plus, i’m pretty sure anyone who wanted a Wii has a Wii now. I would reccomend waiting untill the normal versions are £100 if you plan on getting a wii.

    Apparently, Bioshock Vita has yet to actually start development due to neither Sony or publisher giving the green light and the BV development can’t start it untill the publisher gives the greenlight, which they won’t due untill Sony works out a deal with them. I would like to see them set it during the fall of Rapture as we’ve seen the aftermath of the fall and the state it is in 10 years afterwards so being able to see it whilst it’s going to hell would be interest. Yes, i know about the B2 MP covering it but that’s not a proper narrative of the civil war.

    If what GB did is true then they are dicks as they have buried TG as they will always be that developer who developed half of ACM, the single player thus will have a very hard time trying to make a name for themselves. In fact, i expect EA to give developers 9 months not bloody gearbox! :O

    That is a rare thing, the PC being a lead platform. It will be interesting to see how a port from PC to PS4 will be handled as well as a port from PC to PS3 and 360? As i can’t remeber the last time a game was developed with the PC as lead platform.

    As for Conan. Here is a little tip for you. There is this little thing called the internet, where you can get a lot of free porn. You maybe able to get Lara porn. You are supposed to be marketing the game on your show in what i assume is meant to be an entertaining way. By making remarks about her arse, her tight trousers, her tits, etc.. it makes the game look like it’s aimed at horny teenagers, it is not as we are not horny teenagers(well, most of us). It is aimed at those who want to play a decent action adventure game but don’t want to or can’t play Uncharted.

    I am disappointed that he didn’t ask when the Lara bikini pack is coming as well as the stripper lara pack etc.. :P

    Oh bugger, i’ve seemed to have made this comment the same size as the article. Whoops. There is a dirty and very immature joke to be made here but that’s too easy.

    Comment posted on 27/02/2013 at 18:51.
  10. kjkg
    Member
    Since: Apr 2010

    Didn’t think that guy was that funny, but those scenes where he can’t stop her dying in the river are pretty amusing.

    Comment posted on 27/02/2013 at 19:09.

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