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Opinion

OMG Lolz, The Ten Best Xbox One Quotes

You have to laugh.

It began with a whisper, a rumour that the Xbox One may have an ‘always on’ requirement.

Developers dropped hints, executives forgot their PR briefings and that whisper became a roar of DRM rumours. Then the Xbox One was officially revealed and that roar became a banshee scream of disgruntlement. The Microsoft PR nightmare had begun.

Almost every day someone said or did something to add fuel to the fire and by the the beginning of this week the nightmare had become a comedy – what outrageous statement would Microsoft and chums make today?

Last night’s spectacular U turn means the show is coming to end and a thousand games writers can begin the expensive procedure of reconstructive surgery, their features having been mangled by constant face-palming and head-desking.

However, before we assign the last couple of weeks to the big file marked “WTF were you thinking?” let’s have one last chuckle at the utter, glorious mess that was the Xbox One launch.

  1. “I mean we’re really not going to change anything we’ve done with Xbox One.” – Major Nelson aka Larry Hryb, 96 hours before changing everything.
  2. “I’d bet Sony has some similar stuff up their sleeves they’re just playing on the internet outrage for free PR. You’re all being played!” – Cliffy B is angling for Michael Pachter’s job.
  3. “Thank you again for your candid feedback.” – The Microsoft Blog appreciates your swearing.
  4. “We’re over-delivering value against other choices I think consumers can get.” – Don Mattrick explains why you should buy an Xbox One, no one understands him.
  5. “We’re also confident that gamers are going to love our vision of the future.” – Major Nelson again, slightly less confident now.
  6. “Sorry for the confusion, that was in regards to Xbox 360.” – Xbox Support Twitter account despite being asked specifically about Xbox One XBL bans.
  7. “Fortunately we have a product for people who aren’t able to get some form of connectivity, it’s called Xbox 360.”- Don Mattrick really knows how to sell his new console.
  8. “Some games not transferable and have no resale value; restrictions on games usage apply.” – The Xbox One Terms Of Service.
  9. “#dealwithit” – Adam Orth, Ex-Creative Director at Microsoft Studios.
  10. “This is how you share games on PS4.” –  Shuhei Yoshida’s mega troll “Official PlayStation Used Game Instructional Video” which has had over 13 million views.

Sadly for me the abrupt U turn means I cannot rely on Microsoft for comedy postings and I will have to start writing funny stuff again. Perhaps I can get some help, anyone got Don Mattrick’s phone number? He’s probably looking for a new job…

96 Comments
  1. carson321
    Member
    Since: May 2009

    haha, brilliant!

    Comment posted on 20/06/2013 at 13:03.
  2. Dar-Kaus
    Member
    Since: Apr 2009

    Nice round up Tuffcub, They could have made a sitcom out of this fiasco, maybe they should.

    Comment posted on 20/06/2013 at 13:05.
  3. Origami Killer
    Member
    Since: May 2010

    My personal favourite has to be number 7. It’s just so bad!
    Funny really how they were so heavily guarding their future and vision for the Xbox console, and now they’ve gone and changed it all. Awfully embarrassing stuff.

    Comment posted on 20/06/2013 at 13:05.
    • Forrest_01
      Member
      Since: Jun 2009

      I had always assumed that comment no 7 was actualy intended to be a tongue in cheek kinda response. However, the fact that this was in response to a genuine concern, was just not cricket.

      I think it’s fair to say that on a whole, MS haven’t handled this very well at all. Still, nice to see that they have had a bit of a turnaround on DRM policies though (even if it does mean scoffing down some rather large pieces of humble pie!).

      Comment posted on 20/06/2013 at 14:45.
  4. bigbaldwolf
    Member
    Since: Mar 2012

    Very nice Tuffcub.

    You could write a book on all of their quotes over the past few weeks.

    Comment posted on 20/06/2013 at 13:06.
  5. Jakster123x
    Member
    Since: Aug 2011

    Sad the fiasco’s over, but now it’s all about the games, and Microsoft appears to be in the lead based on their E3 showing.

    Comment posted on 20/06/2013 at 13:09.
    • Alex C
      One for all.
      Since: Forever

      Tempted to agree, at least in part. Forza 5 was amazing to see.

      Comment posted on 20/06/2013 at 13:10.
      • Jakster123x
        Member
        Since: Aug 2011

        I’m surprised to say it myself, but even though Sony do have more exclusives and IPs in development, we can only talk about what we’ve seen so far and Microsoft had the stronger lineup at E3, I think.

        Comment posted on 20/06/2013 at 13:30.
    • Germanos
      Member
      Since: May 2011

      This should be also quoted to the above list of funny stuff xD Just the Ubisoft games were more exciting. MGS5 was like the biggest title out there and it’s not even an exclusive….

      Comment posted on 20/06/2013 at 13:41.
      • Jakster123x
        Member
        Since: Aug 2011

        Haha, Microsoft showed more exclusive games – Sunset Overdrive, Below, Dead Rising 3, Forza, Titanfall and Halo.

        From Sony we had a decent indie showing along with Killzone, inFamous, Knack and The Order in terms of exclusives.

        Of course, there’s more to come and Sony announced they have more exclusives in development than Microsoft have, but based on what we’ve seen so far, I think the Xbox One has more interesting exclusives than the PS4.

        Comment posted on 20/06/2013 at 13:49.
      • jimmy-google
        Member
        Since: Feb 2009

        Still think the PS3 had the strongest lineup at E3

        Comment posted on 20/06/2013 at 14:14.
      • KeRaSh
        Member
        Since: Nov 2009

        Titanfall is NOT exclusive… PC says hello.

        Comment posted on 21/06/2013 at 08:03.
    • Amphlett
      Member
      Since: Jul 2009

      Agreed. It’s been a crazy and funny few weeks and I’m going to miss the constant face-palming.

      Comment posted on 20/06/2013 at 14:10.
    • damoxuk
      Member
      Since: May 2011

      TBH both Exclusives are crap.

      It’s the multiplats what look good to me.

      Watch Dogs/The crew/AC4/BF4/Destiny et al.

      The launch exclusives seem boring – especially Forza 5/Driveclub give me arcade RACERZZZZ – NFS:The Rivals yes please .

      Comment posted on 20/06/2013 at 20:08.
      • Airiaen
        Member
        Since: Aug 2009

        Ridge Racer over anything anyday.

        Comment posted on 20/06/2013 at 21:58.
      • david24
        Member
        Since: Feb 2011

        drive club is an arcade racer!

        Comment posted on 20/06/2013 at 23:35.
    • SH Number 7/Mini-Lipscombe
      Member
      Since: May 2011

      Sony’s confuses was awful I thought, wasting time on all the TV and music stuff at a games conference was insulting.

      Comment posted on 20/06/2013 at 21:32.
  6. Dalton
    Member
    Since: Jun 2013

    Want to add that Cliffy B is very much more for PS4 then Xbox, stated quite pro sony tweets last few weeks.

    Comment posted on 20/06/2013 at 13:17.
  7. 3shirts
    Member
    Since: Aug 2008

    This is going to be the number one on those lists of gaming fails for many years to come.

    Comment posted on 20/06/2013 at 13:18.
  8. Fruitbat1919
    Member
    Since: Feb 2013

    It reminds me of my wife’s 15 yr old who stubbornly stands fast to his beliefs (or those he has been told to believe by his father), even when all logical discussion points to him being misguided….that is until he sees another option will bring him more gain! O to be young and a child….O or Microsoft! lol

    Comment posted on 20/06/2013 at 13:23.
  9. bunimomike
    Member
    Since: Jul 2009

    I’d not seen an interview with Larry Hryb in it until this week. He is, without doubt, the most arrogant bastard of a man I’ve seen in the industry for quite some time. There’s confidence; there’s smugness; then there’s a dismissive air of superiority and resolute inability to actually engage with the interviewer by simply steamrollering through questions with your own contemptuous, hate-inducing bile.

    What an absolutely loathsome c*** of a man.

    Sorry, but it’s true!

    Comment posted on 20/06/2013 at 13:25.
    • Fruitbat1919
      Member
      Since: Feb 2013

      Microsoft school of salesmanship…he got extra credit for use of his tongue!

      Comment posted on 20/06/2013 at 13:27.
    • GregHorrorShow
      Member
      Since: Feb 2009

      That was one of my favourite parts of E3 – watching him announce MGS5 as an exclsuive for XBox One then tweeting a couple of minutes later ‘oops sorry actually it’s not exclusive.’

      Ludicrous.

      I know people make mistakes but when you’re a well known mouthpiece for a company and it’s during the biggest presentation ever for the console – you need that stuff right.

      Comment posted on 20/06/2013 at 13:35.
    • Tuffcub
      On the naughty step.
      Since: Dec 2008

      Most of the MS spokespeople are a bit insinscere, they keep to the party line and are rather lacking in humour.

      Compare that to Sony when you got Jolly Jack Tretton, Yosh on Twitter chatting to literally anyone and everyone (something MS bigwigs never do), Shahid bigging up the Vita etc etc.

      I look at this way – I think Jack Tretton proabbly gives damn good man hugs. Don Mattrick wouldnt event attempt them, he’s stand two feet away and nervously shake your hand very, very briefly.

      Comment posted on 20/06/2013 at 13:40.
    • double-o-dave
      Member
      Since: Nov 2008

      He certainly does come across like he’s got that c*** persona.

      Comment posted on 20/06/2013 at 14:02.
    • KeRaSh
      Member
      Since: Nov 2009

      I can put my signature under your post, bunimomike. That’s exactly how I feel about that guy.

      Comment posted on 20/06/2013 at 15:35.
    • Wardy-77-
      Member
      Since: Mar 2013

      Yep exactly like he does in this video http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6RtSGFryKwo&feature=c4-overview&list=UUsgv2QHkT2ljEixyulzOnUQ
      Don’t you want to come to the future with me? lol what a nob.

      Comment posted on 20/06/2013 at 16:39.
      • bunimomike
        Member
        Since: Jul 2009

        That was the one I viewed. That particular comment you quote is so full of shit it’s unbelievable.

        Comment posted on 20/06/2013 at 18:23.
      • KeRaSh
        Member
        Since: Nov 2009

        But have you seen Titanfall? You did? There, conversation over!

        10/10

        Comment posted on 21/06/2013 at 08:04.
    • Broonba
      Member
      Since: Mar 2009

      I agree. ;)
      What a prick he was.

      Comment posted on 20/06/2013 at 23:25.
  10. Fruitbat1919
    Member
    Since: Feb 2013

    O, I forgot to mention the ‘saving face’ bit….

    “OK gamers you win….we will change it to how you want….but remember you will lose sharing games with your friends….don’t say we didn’t warn you!” lol

    Comment posted on 20/06/2013 at 13:25.
    • Tuffcub
      On the naughty step.
      Since: Dec 2008

      Loose sharing games with your friends.. apart from just, like giving them the game for a weekend.

      Comment posted on 20/06/2013 at 13:29.
      • Fruitbat1919
        Member
        Since: Feb 2013

        I still don’t believe that the proposed Microsoft sharing scheme would have been any less harmful to the studios income than the second hand gaming market. Maybe I just misread the intentions?

        Comment posted on 20/06/2013 at 13:33.
    • SH Number 7/Mini-Lipscombe
      Member
      Since: May 2011

      I’m actually really pissed off that this has gone, I wasn’t so annoyed by the 24 hour check and the trade in stuff was overblown, but I really like the fact that there was cloud sharing I much prefer that than giving a friend my disc who then scratches it or doesn’t give it back.

      Comment posted on 20/06/2013 at 21:47.
      • Eldave0
        andUandU
        Since: Aug 2008

        Same. It looked like the X1 was going to have some unique features which actually felt “next-gen” (game sharing, diskless game swapping, etc). Instead that has all been dropped, leaving us with essentially two identical consoles with a few exclusives to set them apart.

        Comment posted on 21/06/2013 at 00:15.

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