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News Snatch: Michael Jackson, Exceptional Beards, And The Final Snatch

So long, farewell, auf Wiedersehen, adieu.

Right then, before we get on the bad news (sniff) let’s get the day job out the way – games news! Lovely, lovely games news, but games news that wasn’t quite lovely enough to score it’s own post. We start with procedurally generated 2D shooter Birdcakes in which you must destroy Birdcakes’ enemies, flies. Yes, flies. Makes a change from aliens I guess.

Ni no Kuni II: Revenant Kingdom has gone gold, not that means a thing in the days of ridiculous day one patches.

Another game announcement incoming: Assault Gunners HD is being ported from PS Vita! Marvelous Europe, which is the publisher and not my stance on Brexit, revealed the news with the game landing on PS4 and PC worldwide on 20th March.

This years EA Play, aka EA’s E3 Thing, has been dated for June 9th. Well done to EA for firing the E3 starting gun as well, I simply can’t wait. (Read: WTF, wasn’t E3 like, two weeks ago?!? It’s come around again??)

Yume Nikki:Dream Diary
, that bonkers Japanese thing, is out, here’s the launch trailer.

A widely held rumour has finally been confirmed, Michael Jackson did submit tunes for Sonic 3. To promote the launch of the final volume of The Untold History of Japanese Game Developers Vol 3, the writer spoke to Sonic’s creator Naoto Oshima.

He revealed that Jackson had submitted a demo tape of music for the game, but MJ had made every sound himself. He had multi-tracked his voice, singing imitations of trumpets, bass, and other instruments to create a completely capella soundtrack.

Due to “various incidents” Jackson’s music was never used in the game.

If you buy Final Fantasy XV on Steam before May 1st you can download a free pack that let’s you dress up as Gordon Freeman from Half Life, because that’s just as good as playing Half Life 3.

Tomb Raider: Escape is a 30-minute, multi-room experience launching in London, UK, with immersive environments that “are inspired by the film and feature key props and elements on loan from the production.”

The three floor, 1,500 square foot escape room “combines ancient puzzles and the latest technology with physical obstacles, immersive theatre, and cutting-edge sound, lighting and special effects – culminating in an explosive, adrenaline-pumping and unforgettable finale.”

You cant buy tickets but you can win them here.

More game announcements, episode one of side-scrolling action RPG Heroine Anthem Zero hits PS4 on 28th February.

The founders of Sledgehammer Games are leaving the developer and taking up executive-level position at Activision. Michael Condrey and Glenn Schofield (aka The Hot One According To TC) were previously part of Dead Space developers, Visceral Games.

Do you know what the world really needs? Another Warhammer game, we haven’t had one of those announced for at least three weeks. The new addition is Warhammer 40,000: Mechanicus and it’s going to be a bit X-Com-ish, allegedly

Dragon Ball Xenoverse 2’s next set of DLC is out at the end of month, here’s a nice trailer telling you about it.

All Walls Must Fall leaves Early Access today and there’s a new trailer featuring quotes from various websites, including the one below from a previous News Snatch. After eight years Snatch has finally made it in to a trailer! Woohoo!

And Finally, after that high note, we end. No, honestly, that’s it, no more News Snatch. After eight years of Snatch (longer if you count it’s predecessor, News Clunge which I wrote on the TSA message boards) it’s time to wave goodbye to unheard of indie games, ERSB Smut Watch, Bob Kotick, Michael Pachter, and of course, Improbable Boobs.

There’s three reasons for this: Firstly, there is so much news these days that even with News Snatch we can’t cover all of it, and with Snatch only being published once a week a lot of the news is old hat. Secondly, none of you buggers are reading this, which is fair enough given my first point, but it’s a lot of work for a small audience. Thirdly, the days of Snatch being silly, humorous and irrelevant are long gone because I’m just too shagged out by Friday to try and be amusing, and that was News Snatch’s original purpose.

But wait, what is that on yonder horizon? Surely it cannot be long lost, illegitimate, and yet far more respectable, son of News Snatch?

  1. zb100
    Since: Aug 2008

    Boo, shame to see the back of the beards and boobs!

    Comment posted on 23/02/2018 at 17:03.
  2. Steelhead
    Since: Oct 2013

    So long Snatch my old friend, I’ll miss your boobs.

    Comment posted on 23/02/2018 at 17:21.
  3. tactical20
    Since: May 2010

    Should do a feature based on Radio 4’s ‘The Unbelievable Truth’, where the whole thing is fake news, except for a handful of ‘truths’ that readers have to try and spot. Could be entertaining.

    Comment posted on 23/02/2018 at 17:38.
  4. Nate
    Since: Apr 2010

    I agree News Snatch had become more about actual news and less about snarky commentary and smutty innuendos. That said, it will be missed and I hope you can find the energy to ignore news entirely and just focus on the snark! One of the things I love about TSA is the personality behind the news, I can see what is going on anywhere, the fun is hard to replace!

    Comment posted on 23/02/2018 at 17:47.
  5. MrYd
    Since: Mar 2011

    No! You can’t replace it with a “respectable” son of New Snatch.

    On the plus side, the temptation to click on some Improbable Boobs video and end up on some special list will be gone, so that’s good.

    I also vote for a weekly fake news post. Just make shit up, slip some boobs in, and you’ll amuse us all.

    Comment posted on 23/02/2018 at 17:52.
  6. KippDynamite
    Since: Mar 2013

    All of your reasons make sense, but for what it’s worth the News Snatch is the one article I always read and I laugh every time. Gaming websites are too serious these days and the News Snatch is how I prefer to get my gaming news.

    For years gaming websites have essentially doubled as free advertising for gaming publishers since they run a news story just pasting a press release. The Snatch has been parodying all of that and I love it.

    Comment posted on 23/02/2018 at 18:20.
  7. ron_mcphatty
    Since: Sep 2008

    Congrats TC on a beloved feature. It was always perky yep deep, wobbly (in a good way), well rounded and motorboatable. Great job, I’ll miss the Snatch a lot.

    Comment posted on 23/02/2018 at 19:59.
  8. Nera Eris
    Since: Aug 2009

    All good things come to an end. :(

    Comment posted on 23/02/2018 at 20:41.
  9. Unterred
    Since: Oct 2009

    Noooooooooooooooooooo! I genuinely look forward to the Friday release of snatch on TSA. Thanks for all the previous snatch posts, I will sorely miss it now its gone. 😥

    Comment posted on 23/02/2018 at 21:09.
  10. gazzagb
    Master of speling mitakse
    Since: Feb 2009

    Boo! :(

    Comment posted on 23/02/2018 at 21:11.

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