Bronze

Your Life For Mine
Steal a life from a buddy, he doesn't need it.

Stick That In Your Archive
Complete the game in single player mode.

Half Way There
Complete half the game.

It's Aboot Time
Complete "Oh. Canada" in 12 minutes.

Lights Out
Defeat the level 2 boss "Old Berney" without losing a life.

Smooth sailing
Complete "The Hate Boat" without using a continue.

With honor
Melee 10 Samurai in "Well FU too"

Silver

Master collector
Collect all the Matt Hazard Game Boxes throughout the game.

My buddy and me
Complete the game in Co-op mode.

Score
Reach 500,000 points.

Come On Down!
Collect all the pachinko coins in the game.

Gold

Houston, We Have Perfection
Take no damage to the Landing Pod and land perfectly on the landing pad.