News Snatch : Pizza & Cake

News Snatch : Taking an irrelevant and light hearted look at the more obscure stories from the world of gaming, poking them with a big stick and hoping to god they don’t bite back.  Let us know what you think of this feature in the comments, please, as usual.

ns1As far as I am concerned, the PS3 is the dogs. It does really “do everything” that I want. Well, almost everything. Entertainment is well catered for but what if you start feeling peckish during a Killzone match? Sony America seem to have thought of this as now Papa Johns Pizza has launched a PS3 specific site and there is a big “Buy Pizza!” button on the US PS3 homepage. Genius. The only thing missing now is a feature where the PSN will call your boss of the day of the Uncharted 2 launch and say you have swine flu for the next two weeks.


ns2TimeO. How do you pronounce that? Time-Oh? Tim-EeOh? Ty-Meoh? Who knows. I have a feeling you don’t have a clue what I’m on about as this game has been in Development Hell since 2006, but surprisingly it’s still alive and kicking both for Xbox and PS3. A few new videos have arrived but as yet, no word on a date of release. Plot wise, the ‘only a video game character could get away with being called that’ pairing of  ‘Zed Condor’, an urban explorer and ‘Violet Munro’, an investigative reporter, get trapped in the shadow world of a parallel New York. The city itself is a giant war machine threatening to wipe out the world. Jinkies! So far, the game looks like an intriguing blend of Silent Hill (without the smoke), very big guns and the excellent film ‘Dark City’. However, I’m puzzled by the description of the improbably named Zed Condor, can anyone explain the phrase ‘Urban Explorer’? Is it someone who runs about Milton Keynes looking for an undiscovered Tesco Metro?


ns3Younger TSA’ers look away now as I’m afraid it’s time for the fast-becoming-regular “Rude bits” section of News Snatch. SquareEnix recently announced ‘Nier Replicant’ for the PS3, which is completely different to the Xbox exclusive ‘Nier Gestalt’ – apart from having the same characters. And Plot. And Setting. Oops.

Is that the sound of Microsoft tearing up an exclusivity contract? Quick SquareEnix, make some changes! Make the characters younger perhaps? Oh, you have. Well done. You’ve added a new character for the PS3 version as well? Called Kaine? I’m sure she’s a lovely woman and.. oh. Her left leg has been taken over by a monster? Seriously? I mean, I can understand a gribbly evil monster possessing an arm and hand to punch people or steal things – but what can you do with one leg? Hop an enemy to death? What an odd young woma… Sorry? What did you say? She isn’t female? She is a hermaphrodite? Good grief what are you people on and can I have some please? Oh well, at least Kaine should be good at the 800 metres.


ns4Young Gamers can now rejoin us for some news about Star Wars : The Clone Wars coming to every format under the sun (Xbox, PS3, Wii, PSP, PS2, DSI, Breville Waffle Maker) very soon. According to and interview with LucasArts over on (Note : I do not make a habit of hanging around websites called “Kidzone”) the game is going to be rather like Lego Star Wars, including co-op, but with models and animation imported directly from the movie. Exciting, eh kids? For the adults reading, a quick test. Re-arrange these words to make a phrase : Lucas, George, Horse, Flogging, Stop, The, Dead, Thanks.  


ns5David Braben is a name I have known since the days of the trusty rubber keyed Speccy. It feels like we’re almost family so it’s a bit annoying when I find Uncle David is saying that most of the ‘Elite 4’ news on the web is incorrect, announcing

 “Hardly any of it’s true!” – including what format that game will be on.

 Naughty Uncle David. TSA was hiding at the back of a lecture when you said Elite 4 is coming to the consoles – and we even have a nice print out of the slide saying “Xbox and PS3”. Busted!


ns6The website for Burn Zombie Burn developers has two news tasty stories. Mark Sinclair, the writer of  the developer diary, lets slip BZB will be getting some cool new features for free. The upcoming patch for the game is to enable the new “Zombies in Space” DLC and will also include a brand new “Survival” mode. In this variation of the game all zombies spawn on fire, have maximum speed and massive damage modifiers. That is not the best news..  the BZB website also has a recipe for easy to prepare yoghurt cake! Scrumptious!


ns8Showbiz News – thankfully it’s not the truly horrendous reports that a Kerry Katona / Mark Croft “Dirty video” exists or that Ant & Dec are going to have a Wii. Instead, it’s over to the Hollywood where it’s been announced that a sequel to one of the better game-to-film movies is in production. Prepare for more scary nurses and creatures with more arms than are necessary as ‘Silent Hill 2’ is in the works with most of the original movie cast and crew reprising their roles. Silent Hill 2 is the latest addition to a slew of game favourites heading to the big screen including inFamous, Uncharted, Prince Of Persia and Resident Evil 4.


ns9And finally.. Bob Kotick. Again. Cast your mind back to the last Snatch when we discovered an interview from way back in 2004 when Bob wanted to “take the fun out of making games”. He said it again. This week. Gamespot also reported,

‘The executive said that he has tried to instil into the company culture “scepticism, pessimism, and fear.”‘

Who would you like to work for dear reader? Insomniac Games, named one of the top ten Best Small Companies to work for, three years in a row, with their massage therapy, lunchtime basketball games, weekly softball games, fully stocked kitchen and best of all, curvy walls. Alternatively, work for Activision, who have scepticism, pessimism, fear and cattle prods. OK, they dont have cattle prods I made that bit up, but come on Bob – give us some cheerful news will you?