Ten Things To Do While The PSN Is Down

The PlayStation Network is down and there’s no exact timeframe for its return. This is obviously very frustrating for anyone who has picked up one of the big releases this weekend, especially as it’s a long weekend in the UK and many of you have time off from school or work.

We don’t want you to wallow though, we want you to adapt. Here’s a tongue-in-cheek list of ten things you could do while waiting for those Sony engineers to earn their salaries and get you back in the deathmatch.

  1. Go outside. I know. Normally I’d be the last person to recommend this. I mean, outside is where there are people who aren’t on your Deathmatch team. You’ll probably have to interact with people who can hear you even when your headset is set to mute. There is sunlight though, so that’s a bonus. You get vitamin D from sunlight and that’s the one that helps to regulate neuromuscular functions. That means that sunlight actually helps your brain send faster messages to your trigger finger.
  2. Get yourself on over to the PS Blog and leave as many comments as you’ve got time for on there. Make them as passive-aggressive as possible so that everyone on the internet can see how smart and funny you are. Those nasty PlayStation Blog employees should feel your wrath for the egregious occurrence of some unidentified problem with no confirmed cause.
  3. Make some cakes. In celebration of Portal 2’s release weekend and GLaDOS’ famous fib about cake you could enjoy some spongy goodness. That’s right, prove the psychotic bitch wrong. Make your cake a reality.
  4. Play on another machine. I realise that not everyone will have the ability to do this so if you’re a single console kinda guy and you don’t own a mobile phone made after 1997 then just skip ahead (but do let me know how the hell you’re reading this). Almost everything has games on it now, even if there are no single player games that don’t require network connection on your PS3, you could still find an electronic distraction somewhere else. I’ll be playing Football Manager Handheld on the iPad.
  5. Go to TheSixthAxis’ forums and either: a) piss and moan about the PSN being down or b) start a thread about something funny and watch everyone else throw even more funny at you.
  6. Make sure every single follower you have on Twitter (or friend you have on Facebook) knows how annoying it is that you can’t connect to the network services on your games console. They should really feel your pain. If your tweet/status update only contains one exclamation mark then you’re not trying hard enough.
  7. Play on Xbox Live, it’s working fine.
  8. Read some of the latest content on TheSixthAxis, it’s probably awesome and funny and there’s plenty to keep you entertained. Go ahead and comment on our stories and articles too, we like it when you do that. Only don’t be too harsh on me for number 7, it was only a cheeky little joke, you know!
  9. Read a book. If you really have to, there are even books about games and their surrounding fiction. Seriously, books are great. They don’t have very good graphics and the sound design is non-existent but they usually have a really good narrative and most are longer than the average FPS.
  10. Found your own technology company and plot the creation of your own games console with its own online service that isn’t down for repairs at the most inconvenient times. This is probably not something you can get done in a day or two while the PSN is down but you could make a start and just add to your plans every time there’s scheduled maintenance. I predict that by 2014 you’ll have a complete business plan and prototypes to show at E3. There will be banks falling over themselves to lend you the cash you need to get that first factory built.

All joking aside, what are you doing with your time while the PSN is down? It’s nice weather for most of the UK, has anyone got the BBQ going yet?



  1. I WENT OUTSIDE! Unheard of! :oD

    • I know same, I think I may have sunburn :/

    • but, theres ‘fresh’ air out there and light that comes from the sky!!!! I dont think I can do it……

      • Don’t do it! It’s like turning the brightness on your TV to max, now my eyes hurt.

    • I went outside once, graphics were great but the gameplay sucked.

      • Yeah same, it was ok but it was all black & white well not really it was just poor colour choice

  2. 11. Masturbate a lot.

    12. Fire up BBQ and get drunk.

    • 13. Finish up Bioshock and Fallout NV and any other single player mode games I have that I still need trophys for.

      • Yea, i want to replay Bioshock but hard to get games out here in China.. so i’m finishing up DA2

    • I wouldn’t want to go to one of your BBQ’s

      • Good you’re not invited ;P

        Hmmm Fallout Vegas sounds a good choice! I got a good 20+ games I should really polish off! Seeing as I can’t get onto killzone,

    • Brings a whole new meaning to sticky ribs.

      • and now that frankie boyle tag makes sense. :)

    • firstly, eeewwwwwww.

      secondly, in that order? hope you washed your hands after.

      • I could have said something about fattyuk “polishing off”. Shit I just said it.

      • All fun and games!

      • all fun and games fattyuk, but still eeewww. ^_^

      • Don’t worry I do wash my hands.

    • Can’t stand BBQ’s, the food is tasteless and has the texture of Wood! Can’t get drunk, I gave up alcohol last year….also it is bad for you in the Summer heat it’ll dehydrate you quicker than next doors randy dog can mount your leg when the neighbours pop round for a Wooden Sausage.
      Oh! and be careful with option 11 as a combination of all 3 activities could see you you visiting A&E in your Easter Bonnet. :P

      • I’m more worried about the large of amount of narcotics that get necked during the summer than alcohol dehydrating me!

        also dunno what bbqs you go to mate that taste like that lol.

      • I’ve been to a few and hosted a few, and guests seem to enjoy the food but I just find it tasteless and overcooked…although a few bevvies down peoples necks can cloud their culinary judgement making a rasher of Spam seem like the finest Fillet of Beef Steak….not that I’ve tried cooking Spam on the old campfire mind you.

  3. I went to the shops but that was only really procrastination from this dissertation I’m doing. The longer the PSN is down the better…

  4. I’m playing games on my Playstation 3, strangely.

  5. I cooked, just for myself though. Don’t want to be liable for food poisoning anyone.

  6. I’m speaking, like, to actual people……family too ! :O

  7. You missed a fairly obvious one:

    – Revisit the pile of shame and finish off some of the fantastic SinglePlayer games you shamefully gave up on half way through when something new and shiny came along.

    • I did that yesterday. ME2. The shame, I know, the shame…

      • Ha, I’ve got tons. Dead Space 1, Enslaved, barely even /started/ FF13, PJS2. Then heading over to PCs, I’ve got about 20x that… :S

  8. 13. Resign from your job.

    At least, that’s what I did.


    • Nah, you just did that on impulse to go drink some beers outdoors.

    • Slight overreaction to the PSN being down :oD

      • yeah, unless you’re one of sony’s network engineers. ^_^

    • I was going to say go to work but this sounds like a great idea to avoid it.

      I may just wait for redundancy though.

      • You wait for redundancy while I’m trying to find a job still after 2 years!!

      • I should be okay, if I want to work in another kitchen.

    • You’ll have to start buying pre-owned now ;)

  9. Nice article CB.

    I can see how this is pissing people off, I just can’t be arsed with reading all the moaning and whining about it! (see enough of that at work)

    The big winners in this down time are my kids, they get bonus dad time :)

  10. Easter egg hunt bro!

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