News Snatch: Drag Fat Princess And Even More (Old) Assassin’s Creed

Amazon France are listing the ‘Assassin’s Creed Anthology‘ which contains Creeds 1-3 and a hefty EUR 150.00 price tag. The compilation is listed for PlayStation 3, surprising when Ubisoft have already announced ‘Assassin’s Creed: Ezio Trilogy’  as exclusive to the Sony console. The Ezio Trilogy contains Assassin’s Creed 2, Assassin’s Creed: Brotherhood, and Assassin’s Creed: Revelations at a bargain price.


Rumour has it that Ubisoft will also be releasing ‘Assassin’s Creed:  Only The DLC’, ‘Assassin’s Creed: Just The Cut Scenes In Which You Can See The Briefest Hint Of Nipple’ and ‘Games That Are Bit Like Assassin’s Creed But Are Not’ which will feature I Am Alive. Also in the works are an Assassin’s Creed movie starring Michael Fassbender and Jamie Oliver’s 15 Minute Meals For Busy Assassins. “I loved working with Ezio,” said the fat tongued mockney, “As he has his hidden blade built into his outfit he’s like one a man Moulinex!”
Sony have released a Russian trailer for PlayStation AllStars Battle Royale which shows a group of fun loving cos-players, including drag Fat Princess sat in a toilet beating off Kratos.

Remember Me‘ developers Dontnod have made their thoughts clear regarding the macho stereotypes most games use as their protagonists. Jean-Maxime Moris, creative director for the game, told CVG, “It’s the only thing you give people, they get accustomed to it and don’t want anything else. So yes, our character, Nilin, is mixed race, she is female, her sexual orientation is her private life, so I won’t go there.”

With developers making characters overly sexual (Dead or Alive) or going to great lengths to deny any apparent sexual overtones (new Tomb Raider) kudos goes to Dontnod for dragging gaming into the 21st century where almost no one gives two hoots about this kind of thing.

Rockstar have released a new hi-res piece of artwork from GTA V, it is not exciting. Think of the least exciting thing possible and it is like that but wearing a party hat.

Movie news and the next game to transfer to the silver screen will be Wolfenstein, courtesy of Resident Evil producer Roger Avery. The film will follow the exploits of  a young U.S. Army captain and his chum, a British special agent. Their mission will take them to Castle Wolfenstein where they find Himmler’s SS Paranormal Division and Hitler unveiling a new secret weapon. “It is a big action adventure but also strongly character driven and based on a very solid story,” said someone you have never heard of.

343 Industries have already locked in the plot for Halo 5 and surprise, surprise they have hinted it is being developed with the Xbox 720 in mind. “We’ve done as much prototyping and storytelling and the future arc of the universe as we have on technology. So we’re definitely working on the future but in some ways it’s technologically agnostic at this point,” said Frank O’Connor, franchise development director.!
My browser has become sentient, that is the only explanation I  can think of as I came back to my desk to find the video above playing,  I’m sure as hell I did not open it. Anyway, well done Chrome for hunting out this bizarre gaming news that reveals the ladies from America’s Top Model: College Edition have been bouncing about in motion capture suits.

According to the blurb, “The winning move, which will be judged by Taylor Kurosaki of Sony-owned Naughty Dog Inc., will be featured in the company’s Uncharted 3 video game.” The only way that could possibly be true is if further Uncharted 3 DLC was to be released but it’s rather late in the day for that.

Winner of today’s “Stating The Bleedin’ Obvious Award” is Chris Roberts, developer of upcoming PC space sim MMO, Star Citizen. Discussing the first preview video of the game he said “What I was showing you can’t do on a current generation console. You can do most of it on a next generation console, but I can promise you a top-end PC now is already more powerful than what a next generation console is going to be.”

Sounds like Chris has seen the next gen consoles, perhaps Microsoft or Sony have been trying to lure him to the dark side.



  1. Brilliant.

    I am looking forward to the “Games with a character voiced by Nolan North Collection” – It will be a complete game collection in one pack, though it will probably cost thousands.

  2. Hm – Interestingly enough, the plot of Wolfenstein sounds EXACTLY the same as the plot to Captain America. Probably less Shield use though.

  3. Why does sackboy look like 9 in that trailer lol. If you seem the film 9 you will get what am saying :)

    • Oh, is that sackboy?? I thought zippy was back on the crack.

  4. The scene when Sackboy stumbled reminded me of the old Smash Bros. commercials. Mario kicking Yoshi’s leg so that he stumbles… One of my all time favourite gaming commercials! :D

Comments are now closed for this post.