News Snatch: When Vikings A-Patch, Journey And Wookie Boffing

Children, what ungrateful little shits they can be. The Telegraph reports that the most searched for ‘returns policy’ online on Christmas Day was Apple. James Murray, a person at Experian Marketing Services who has a very fancy and long job title, suggests this is because parents bought their little darlings the wrong iDevice and those who wanted an iPad got an iPod.

Apple are also in the news after thieves broke into a Paris Apple store and made off with £813,000 worth of goods. Rumours that the short-in-stature robbers were heard yelling ‘C’est ce que vous devez avoir acheté moi maman!’ have yet to be confirmed.

Oops. “Can all EU Vita players pls download When Vikings Attack again, sorry but there was a store error so you need the latest version for patches” tweets Sony. “We’ll be releasing another patch this month for When Vikings Attack which will add the 2 most requested features to the game for free!”

Shouldn’t-laugh-but-did-of-the-day: Peter Hines from Bethesda retweets a message he received: “Happy 2013. RT @DCDeacon its early 2013.. Wheres my DLC bitch?”

Those of you who were perusing TSA over the holidays may have spotted a snippet of news regarding Retro City Rampage in a News Snatch.  The game was suddenly announced for Xbox Live Arcade and is out this week.

‘A foolish person would suggest that the PSN delay may have something to do with Microsoft’s draconian rules that any game appearing on Xbox Live should not appear on any other platform first, but that person would be foolish,’ was my not-at-all sarcastic comment.

Hey, guess what? After the Xbox version was released a kindly person asked ‘Any estimated date for PS3/PSVita in EU?’ and the reply, ‘Shouldn’t be more than 1-2 weeks after XBLA.’

The Futurlab chaps have made an addition to their team, Hussain Sheikh, who previously worked as Lead Visual Effects Programmer on that rather fab racer Split/Second.

Bioware have apologised to fans who are are waiting for the awfully named’ SGR’ [same gender relationships] feature to be implemented in Star Wars: The Old Republic. “Unfortunately, this will take a lot more work than we realized,” said executive producer Jeff Hickman, “As we have said in the past, allowing same gender romance is something we are very supportive of.”

EA have come under fire from the right for allowing gays to be represented in their games but the criticism is rather odd when you think about it –  you can have inter-species relationships but not gay ones, no one seems to complain about one of Jabba’s dancing girls boffing a Wookie.

It looks like the Journey Collectors Edition is heading for Europe. After spotting that the mini games from the set had been rated by PEGI, Thatgamecompany told PlayStation Lifestyle ‘The games won’t be released separately. They’re too bug-tastic. Rules were bent to allow them to be on the disc. You should think of another reason why these would be rated for Europe.’

And finally, here is a Kickstarter that needs your support. And by support I mean ‘open-jawed disbelief’.


  1. My tail does the opposite when I get excited

  2. Kids and their iPads eh, some of them have no concept of how fragile and horrendously expensive they are. Apple need to run a very clear advert campaign stating ‘however much your parents give you, pocket money WILL NEVER stretch to an iPad’, just so they know.

  3. We can always count on the Japanese to lighten up our day :)

  4. Futurelab is expanding, excellent! Thanks for the heads up on the Vikings Attack, now I’ll be prepared.

  5. When those Apple-crazy kids grow up to be the idiots their parents are, I will definitely be like “I told your parents so”. When I was a kid, oh who cares. But seriously, if I had a kid I would get them a Sansa Clip and say “What’s that honey, you think you need an lcd screen? Well then I suggest you start saving up for a Fuze.” Then again, I can’t have a kid until Bioware brings on that same sex relationship feature.

    Sent from one of my 4 iPads

  6. That user comes off as an arse. It’s just DLC, it’s not like Skyrim is only a few hours long. Although if the Redguard rumours are true, it will show that Bethesda only cares about the 360 instead of all 3 platforms because pissing off 2/3s of your fanbase is an excellent plan.

    Why can’t they just admit that they can’t code it for the PS3 due to the Creation Engine not liking the PS3 or they don’t want to do it. There had better be a GOTY edition with all of the DLC as i will be annoyed if the 360 is the only platform that gets all of the DLC. :-/

    RCR being announced and is due out next week is suspicous considering it’s been delayed for the PS3 in the EU region. Hmm, if it turns out that MS has the power to delay games untill it is out on the 360 first, then that is worrying as no company should dictate what platform the game can be released on first or get it delayed.

    It’s the 21st so can we drop this attitude to same sex relationships? So what if Bioware decides to implent it. It won’t be the first game that they have implented it in. DAO had same sex relations and no-one battered an eyelid. Plus, it’s funny how most anti-gay people will admit to watching lesbian porn. ;) Wonder if some people will try to sue EA for daring to allow Bioware to implent one of the things that they do with most of their games?

    I suppose i had better pick up Journey seeing as it’s getting a physical release. Prehaps Nofi will stop demanding that everyone plays it once it is out. :p

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