EA Celebrate Crysis 3 And Sexism With Near Naked Woman

Tits out for Crysis 3“Ashley Roberts suits up in full bodypaint to become lead character Prophet for the launch of new video game Crysis 3 tweets the EA PR team.

Yes, really.


After months of discussion about sexism within video games, and the use of near naked ‘booth babes’ with no discernible links to the products they are selling, the EA PR team has decided that painting the third most popular ex-Pussycat Doll to promote a sci-fi shooter is an excellent idea.

@EA_UK_PR Can I ask why you have painted a naked woman when the character in the game is male? Is there any reason other than ‘nice tits’?” I asked, only to be met with a stony wall of silence.

I tried again, “@EA_UK_PR Come EA, prove the gaming industry is not populated by sexist bastards and find a celebrity male to paint” but once more the PR team kept their hands well away from the keyboards and did not rise to the challenge.

I suspect they were busy doing other activities with their hands and something else was rising in the EA PR department, eh lads? Phwooar! Look at the Nanosuit on that!

Posting a picture of one of the judges from Dancing on Ice wearing just a thin veil of bodypoint has absolutely nothing to do Crysis 3.  Nothing. The character of Prophet is a middle aged, overly muscular black man, these are tits for the sake of tits.

In the days when even long-time boob-peddlar, Rupert Murdoch, is considering ending page 3 in The Sun and the many discussions regarding sexism and the portrayal of women in gaming I am gobsmacked EA think slapping some paint on a fading pop-muppet’s knockers is a good idea.

bionic bristols!

It might even be considered just a bit of consenting-adult fun if they weren’t so obviously only using a slim, purportedly attractive woman. Why not get the head of the dev team in nanosuit body paint? Perhaps a member of One Direction or someone from a sports team… anything that wasn’t just so explicitly about getting sad pubescent boys to dribble down their chins (and elsewhere). It’s not only lecherous and tiresome, it’s really unimaginative and lazy. Still, nice bangers, eh lads? EH?!



  1. Phwoar, I’d give her a Crysis… (I’m doing this right, yeah?)

    • Ha! Nice

    • peter peter peter..bow your head in shame!
      are these boobies real or digital?
      i do love digital boobies….

      • real damn! and she annoys the living shit out of me!

  2. Agreed, TC. Staggeringly misplaced boobage. Let’s be honest, the industry is entertainment and there’s legitimate time for titillation for both sexes! Such a shame that they simply went with the cheapest option of slathering some dizzy-bint with the grey swatches of the local B&Q. Although one wonders if they’ve painted any sort of fixings or even a flange.

    • They could have went with bright colours as that outfit says “Entering me will be like entering a musem”. I’ll grab my coat and hang my head in shame.

  3. If Page 3 is ended, there will be a lot of miserable male workers due to them using the sun to secretly look at porn during their break without the risk of getting caught. Take away page 3 and the sun will lose 75% of it’s male readerbase.

    As for Crysis 3, they could have at least choose someone hot. What? If you’re going to use sex, do it correctly. Doesn’t help our image as it seems for every step we take away from the horny 13 year old gamer, we go 3 steps back. Does this mean that the next BF game will just have a pair of tits with the words, “JUST BUY THE FECKING THING” plastered across them? As i can see EA doing that and managing to sell a lot of copies.

    But really, Page 3 is ending? Guess i won’t be buying the sun then. That and it’s mostly bullshit anyway so i wouldn’t have bought it anyway.

  4. The Sun. Digital Spy. Etc.


    It worked.

  5. ‘Nipple licking mode: engaged’

  6. Cheaper than making a nanosuit I guess!

    • Thats a good point. I’m off to make myself a suit of armour.

  7. This is so very wrong and completely pointless.

  8. They are NOT Nanoboobs.

  9. Doesn’t writing this article justify them releasing the picture. Not only have you given EA free publicity but you’ve reposted the picture. Surely refusing to discuss it or at least not attaching the photo would have been a better way of proving your disdain for the practice?

  10. Well…huh, wow. That’s all. And PS isn’t Prophet not a black male beyond Crysis 1 because Alcatraz ‘becomes’ Prophet in Crysis 2? Back to topic: ummmmmm…..

    • Oh yes, you are correct. I played the start of Crysis 2 should have remembered. Whatever, you’re not playing an Ex Pussycat doll sans clothing.

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