Six video games Meghan and Harry should be playing right now

Australia is on fire and World War III is brewing in the Arabian Gulf, but you wouldn’t know it if you read the British newspapers today as all the headlines are about a chap and his missus leaving the family business. We mean, of course, Harry and Meghan who have decided to retire from being frontline royals, stopping living off quite as many handouts and become “financially independent”. Apparently that’s a bad thing if you read the press.

However, Harry has always been a member of the royal family he has little experience of “normal” life, and though Meghan was an actress before she became a duchess, she will now be accustomed to having someone put the bins out for her. So which video games can they play to help them adjust to their new lives?

1: Lumberjack Simulator

With a rumoured move to Canada and Harry on the look out for a new job, it’s obvious he should be getting stuck into some simulated tree chopping in Lumberjack Simulator. It features real world physics and “encourages you to master the wilderness,” but mostly important it places the player, Hazza, as the head of his own business, rather than his Grandma’s.

The game went in to Early Access just a few weeks ago and the royal couple can pick it up from Steam.

2: The Sims 4

There aren’t many games we can think of that simulate normal life, so The Sims 4 is as close as it’s going to get. You have to get a job and look after your family, and with perfect timing EA have just launched the “Tiny Living” DLC which encourages you to downsize from, say, a massive palace in Britain to a two bedroom flat in Vancouver.

3: My Little Riding Champion

As Granny’s clearly a bit hacked off at them, the twosome won’t be able to pick a filly and canter around Balmoral anytime soon, but they can recreate the feeling of being a posh git by firing up this ‘classic’ game. Enter riding competitions, buy new outfits, and build your own successful riding stables in this wonderful game where it is always sunny.

Just ignore the cows that melt into the ground, the birds that flap their wings but remain completely stationary, that you and your horse can breath underwater, and the game’s many other ‘features’. Check out the video above.

4: Layers of Fear 2

Meghan may want to return to acting to help pay the bills, so she can brush up skills with Bloober Team’s Layers of Fear 2, a game which casts you as an actor in the role of a lifetime.

“The cameras are all focused on you; the center of the scene. Not just in character, you are the character. The part to play is singularly yours. Written just for you,” say the developers. “Your past has helped to mould you into what you are, forced upon you the skills required to hone your craft. That same past has scraped deep furrowing scars into you.”

That sounds like it was written just for Megs!

5: Octodad: Dadliest Catch

When he’s not hard at work as a lumberjack, Harry’s going to have to get used to being a completely ordinary suburban dad. Octodad is a perfect simulation of all that this entails, from having a cheeky little barbecue in the back garden, to being bullied into taking the kids to the aquarium, this game will prepare him for the everyday challenges that dads face.

6: Grand Theft Auto Online

“We intend to step back as ‘senior’ members of the Royal Family and work to become financially independent,” reads the statement from the royal couple, and what better way to become financially independent that run your own business? Grand Theft Auto Online could teach them how to run a multitude of profitable business, from gunrunning to counterfeit cash to cocaine supplies, the sky really is the limit.


Those are our suggestions, but let us know if you’ve got any ideas to help Harry and Meghan prepare for the trip to Canada.

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Written by
News Editor, very inappropriate, probs fancies your dad.

2 Comments

  1. I’m blown away by the journalistic opportunism and tickled pink in equal measure! Some top recommendations there, I’d’ve included a bit of practice on Overcooked since there’s nothing like a celebrity hosted novelty restaurant for providing a solid income, and Mario 64 because Harry and I are the same age and if he hasn’t already enjoyed this slice of pop culture bliss then he fucking well should. Welcome to being plebs!

    • Overcooked is a good shout. They’ll have to cook for themselves now!

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