With football back on the telly, football fans are going to want to pick up an authentic recreation of British footballing action on their games consoles. With almost perfect timing, Behold the Kickmen: Ultimate Football Edition is out on Nintendo Switch today, and it’s cheaper than a football stadium pastie. A lot cheaper.
B E H O L D the K I C K M E N: Ultimate Football Edition is OUT NOW on Nintendo Switch.
HOT football action, made by someone who doesn't know the rules of football, on a format you'll LOVE.
Only $4/ £3!
— Dan Marshall (@danthat) June 18, 2020
Dan Marshall’s recreation of the world’s biggest sport comes from his years of lacking any experience with the game. He knows that it has balls in it, that they get kicked by people, and also that there are rules. Behold the Kickmen features all three of these things, right down to having both offside rules.
There’s even a full story mode with tragic backstories and rivalries galore, where you start on the bottom of the Big Boring British Football Spreadsheet and work your way up until you can win the World Cup.
The game was originally released for PC in 2017, seemingly in response to Marshall making a dumb joke about making a football game and then being contractually obliged to follow this up by actually making one.
In what was probably a slightly too serious article about the game, I said:
“Behold the Kickmen is nonsense, but it’s good nonsense. It’s the kind of nonsense that you dream up when you’re messing around and chatting with your mates, but it’s been turned into a video game, and it kind of just about works. Behold the Kickmen is really quite rough around the edges, but it manages to be a game that I think will somehow be appreciated by those who love sports games and those who hate them.”
To put it another way, it’s actually quite fun as an actual sports game, despite being complete nonsense.
Marshall’s most recent game came as he reunited with writing partner Ben Ward for Lair of the Clockwork God. In an eerily similar conclusion to that review, I said:
“Lair of the Clockwork God is a genre mash-up that probably shouldn’t work, and yet it does. It feels a little unrefined, intentionally so, but there’s plenty of comedic fodder in indie platformers, modern gaming and life for Ben and Dan to riff off through the lens of classic LucasArts style adventures.”