Penis fans outraged to discover Norman Reedus has no dinkle in Death Stranding

When Death Stranding launched on PlayStation 4 Hideo Kojima stated very clearly that you would never see Norman Reedus’ willy when he was relieving himself in the game. No matter where you placed the camera the elusive trouser snaked remained hidden from view.

The game is now out on PC and that means modders can get their hands on the game and they have, quite rightly, decided to let the world see Norm’s pleasure pump. However, it seems Kojima really didn’t want anyone to see Norm’s junk as it simply does not exist, it was never modelled. When Sam, Norman’s character, takes a tinkle he is holding thin air and urine appears to stream from an empty space.

As the story for the game involves another dimension we could be generous and suggest Sam’s sausage is actually located somewhere else and he’s peeing through a dimensional rift, but we’re not, Kojima just didn’t give the character a ding-dong.

It could also be a sneaky reference to Metal Gear Solid V, check out this definition from Wikipedia “Phantom pain is a perception that an individual experiences relating to a limb or an organ that is not physically part of the body.”

Given that every other part of Mr. Reedus is seen in the game, with cut scenes lingering over his honed buttocks and meaty calves, fans are very disappointed with this final reveal. “It’s outrageous!” said Mable Wiggins of Scunthorpe, “I’ve waited patiently for the PC version of the game so I can get a cheeky look a Norm’s baby maker and I have been denied my pleasure!”

“I demand the game is remade,” commented Arther P. Troll on the Internet, “I shall be starting a petition and sending hate tweets to all involved in production of the game.”

Some fans are now working had to define the distance between Norman’s body and where the urine stream begins so they can mathematically model the missing schlong. Unlike the rest of this post, that is not a joke, they are actually doing that.

Mr. Reedus has yet to comment on his absent dingleberry.

You can read our review of the PC version of the game here. 

Source: Twitter

Written by
News Editor, very inappropriate, probs fancies your dad.

9 Comments

  1. Based on where that stream of piss starts, and having seen a reasonable selection of penises before, I’d have to say either (a) it’s bloody huge, or (b) Norman Reedus (or his character in the game) is very short.

    A quick Google suggests he’s a perfectly normal height (5’10), and so his invisible member appears to be at least 12 inches.

    • Yes he does appear to be a big boy.

  2. Fair to say that after writing this TC went for a wank right after.

  3. I assume it’s because of the content of this page, I’m seeing an ad for a weird little chrome character with a giant knob right below the ‘post comment’ button.

    • I’m not seeing that, so I’d assume that’s more to do with everything else you’ve been looking at. Have you been searching the internet for giant knobs lately?

  4. When did Death Stranding release on PS5? I mustve missed that… ;-)

    • …And from the news editor too, no less. For shame! ;-)

      • As PS5 is backwards compatible the PS4 version also launched the PS5 version at the same time.

        AHA!

        Thought you were being clever and pointing out a typo didn’t you? Bet you feel silly now!

        I have edited for clarity, just in case anyone else is confused.

      • Haha I couldn’t resist I’m afraid! Glad you took it in good humour as intended!

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