A Christmas Letter

Every year for the last *coughcough* years I have written to Father Christmas, sending him a list of things I would love to receive as Christmas presents that year. Despite my advancing years and the growing avalanche of non-believers desperate to convince me of his non-existence, I have taken a scientific approach and the evidence is on my side: Every year I write, every year I get presents.

However, this year is different. The success of TSA giving me what I need and my age-addled imagination rendering me incapable of thinking what I want, I decided to try something new. If only Sony were Father Christmas, then surely one well-worded letter would be enough to make believers of us all?


Dear Sony

I don’t want a Home Beta, I want an Xbox Live beater.

Sackboy called: He doesn’t want to shop at Harvey Nicks anymore, Matalan will do just fine.

Localise – is this why everything’s late to the Euro-PSN party: What about my local eyes?

If Criterion charged 1 t-shirt for DLC it would be better than games costing 10 t-shirts.

I’d like to table a motion: No more SixAxis motion.

My Home Clubhouse’s football could at least respond to customer input: Is that too much to ask of you, Sony?

I believe I bought a PS Eye because of the promises you made. Now I can’t believe I bought a PS Eye.

Install red lights in Home Square.

If the first (price) cut is the deepest, then you needed a sharper knife.

The 360’s running rings round you and the Wii’s pissing all over you, but I’m not going to whine, because the Year of the PS3 – that’s 2009.

Yours sincerely