My Top Ten: Villains

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Everyone loves a good baddy. For example, Darth Vader is probably my favourite movie villain of all time and if it didn’t lead to such public ridicule I would probably buy myself a replica Vader helmet and cloak and threaten postmen to do my bidding. This set me to thinking which video game villains I’d most like to dress up as. Er, I mean which video game villains are the best.

  • Dr Robotnik (Sonic) – You can call him Dr Eggman if you like, you’d be wrong. This mustache-sporting bunny-catcher tried to wipe out organic life on earth. Like in Mass Effect but with more rabbits and less scary-ass sentient spaceships.
  • Jet Set Willy’s Missus – Sends a chill down my spine just thinking about it. All married men are familiar with the tale. You have a party with your mates, everyone goes home but your missus won’t let you collapse into bed until you’ve cleaned up every last glass around the hazardous home.
  • Psycho Mantis (Metal Gear Solid) – Any villain that dresses like he just came home from a gay S&M party has got an extra couple of scare points. Plus, he could actually move my controller with his mind!
  • Colossi (Shadow of the Colossus) – Massive and dangerous and beautifully rendered. They were enormous and scary but you couldn’t help but be captivated by the wonderful artwork.
  • CATS (Zero Wing) – An evil alien attack force is scary but when their grasp on the English language is this broken it just adds a layer of hilarity to the terror. It also launches an internet phenomena. All your base are belong to us!
  • Pac-Man Ghosts – They had names, Blinky, Pinky, Inky and Clyde and they never gave up in their endless pursuit of our pill-popping protagonist. Until you popped the right pill, then they became food. Food that in a few seconds would kill you! Did you know that in Japan they were also known as “Macky, Micky, Mucky and Mocky”?
  • Bowser (Mario) – Persistance in the face of repeated defeat is this guy’s biggest talent. Although Mario never actually defeats him, it’s more a case of foiling a dastardly plan but letting him escape to regroup for the sequel. A hero-villain dynamic we all know and love.
  • Sephiroth (FFVII) – On the list just to save the forty-five comments I would get if I didn’t include him. Personally I think a fallen angel with only one wing might be pretty scary if he wasn’t drawn to look like he might be a mid-change transexual.
  • The Undead (way too many games) – If you believe video games then these guys are everywhere, just waiting to shuffle after you and munch on your brains. Don’t worry though, green herbs – as with so many of life’s problems – can heal the damage.
  • GLaDOS (Portal) – The soothing female voice that comes over the loudspeaker to help you through the Enrichment Center. Pretty soon she’s telling you that you’re an orphan with no mates and trying to kill you. It even turns out that the cake she promised was a lie, how mean is that?

Let us know your favourite gaming baddies in the comments.

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