My Top Ten: Things Uncharted 2 Taught Me

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  • The factories that used to make those red barrels have been refitted and now make gas canisters. Barrels are alright now. You can even use them for cover but there are thousands of gas bottles littered around the world and they’re all explosive.
  • I can fall two or three storeys and catch myself using only the tips of my fingers. I really don’t think I have much weight at all.
  • The boss of the bad guys is hard as nails. He may look almost identical to all the thousands of generic goons you’ve been easily dispatching for hours but when it comes time to fight the boss man you’d better be packing some serious firepower. I don’t know why he didn’t just clobber me in the first level when I was still trying to work out what button made me jump.
  • It doesn’t matter how damaged a building is, there will always be just enough ledges, pipes and ropes to get me from where I entered the area to where I need to exit the area.
  • At times of high-peril I will no longer be able to see more than four and a half feet in front of me. Strangely, I will have a perfect view of what’s going on behind me.
  • Women with really shiny eyes are not to be trusted. Or are they? Actually I didn’t learn this lesson very well at all. Must’ve been too busy staring at her backside…
  • If I have an aging best friend/father figure/comic foil I will only see him twice a year: Once to get me in trouble and again when I get myself out of it.
  • Trains are much more dangerous in Nepal than they are in the UK. Road travel has pretty much the same dangers.
  • Sophisticated Museums have some of the worst alarm systems in the known world. One flashy red light, one thick red cable, a junction box and a massive red switch. Basically anything red is going to help you disable a museum’s alarm.
  • My enemies know how to turn on cool laser beams on the sniper rifles but I can’t find the switch and unfortunately I kill all the guys that would be able to show me before I get a chance to ask.
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