The Anatomy Of A Game Launch Party: Modern Warfare 3

Alcohol def taking effect, music now pumpy house. Foot involuntarily tapping.
I have now had two bottles of Peroni and a Moscow Mule cocktail which is probably more than I have drunk all this year. Unfortunately, at the these events, drinking is required. I’m sure it won’t be a problem.

Just been chatting to two lasses with huge knockers from Zoo magazine. Lovely ladies.
These are event hijackers, people who turn up and a party for ‘Product A’ but do their very best to promote ‘Product B’, in this case Zoo magazine. The girls were wearing skimpy t-shirts with the magazine logo emblazoned across their mighty breasts. They had no idea what the game was about.

Celeb area very disappointing, hardly recognise anyone.
Not doing to well on the A-list stars, Jason Bradbury stil the only one I recognise in the two hundred strong ‘celeb’ enclosure. Possibly X-factor rejects The Risk and Ashley Cole.


Someone from Activision is explaining the new kill streaks. No one paying any attention.
Danny Wallace is back interviewing a top man from Activision who is gushing about the game. 95% of attendees ignore this and continue drinking.

He’s been asked which is his favourite gun.
The music is blaring, the lights are flashing, the booze is flowing. Does Danny Wallace really think anyone is interested in Activision Man’s favourite virtual weapon?

Note: On 4th beer.
I’m sure this won’t be a problem.

Hurray! It’s the European Marketing Director of CoD Elite!
Danny continues his hard line interviewing technique. “Tell us about Call of Duty Elite” he suggests. I couldn’t tell you what the answer was as a particualrly toe tapping mix of ‘Commander’ by Kelly Rowland is bursting out of the sound system next to the performance stage.

David Haye is here! Lovely chap, met him at the Blur event.
An actual celebrity!  Very nice man indeed, happily wandering about outside the celeb enclosure.

Now they are going to demo the game.
There are sixty XBox 360s in the venue and they are going to show someone playing it on the big screen. Why? And more importantly, where is that mini food, still no sign of it.

What’s the dullest thing in the world? Watching someone else play a game whilst a comedian commentates has to be up there.
“He shot him with his gun!” exclaims Danny Wallace, master of stating the obvious.

The bloke playing the game on big screen keeps on getting friend requests!
Some scamps at the event have obviously tweeted the gamertag of the chap playing on the large video screen and he is bombarded with messages from people asking to be his friend and if he will join their clan.

Joey Barton. Footballer. Very short.
Mr. Barton is on stage to represent the U.K. in the European Celebrity MW3 Championship and Danny asks him what his tactics will be. “I’m a bit of a camper,” he explains and is promptly booed. Going well then.

[drop2]Joey Barton couldn’t hit the side of a barn.
Our man dies four times in quick succession before finally managing a kill. Moments later he is dead again. Danny offers some sage advice, “Shoot him!” he yelps. Joey has a better plan and hides behind a crate. A few minutes later and the game is over and Joey has redeemed himself somewhat and places fourth. No one is watching as something is happening at the back of room, a disturbance, could it be…

It’s a proper event!!! The mini food has arrived!
A wave of excitement spreads across the room as the waiters walk out with black ‘noodle’ type boxes stamped with the Modern Warfare 3 logo. I go for the mini burger and fries. However, there is confusion amongst some attendees as they open their box and discover… a Caesar salad. Salad? At a gaming event? What is this witchcraft?!

Have secured mini food. Nomming in.. Oh f*ck. Now I’m in trouble. Ride On Time is being played. My fave song evah!
Ah. I think I’m on my sixth alcoholic drink by now, thus my resistance to funky tunes has been considerably lowered. “Let me tell you, what you’re doing to doing to me” warbles Lolletta Holloway, singing to Moscow Mule in my hand.

Dancefloor here I come! Woohoo! You just walk right in walk walk walk right in!!
I did warn everyone that I can”t handle my drink. In my defence, it was a particularly dirty dubstep mix of Ride On Time. Hopefully no videos of this event exist.

Now feeling eeeevah so slightly drunk. Hope the show starts soon.
A crowd is forming round the stage awaiting Example to start. Not much else to do, maybe another drink? I’m sure it won’t be a problem.

I’ve got the moves like Jagger, dontcha know. *grooves*
That drink was a bad idea.

Still don’t recognise any celebs.
Helpfully the marksman that is Joey Barton tweets ‘Some strange z-list celebs, I was half expecting Dean Gaffney with Wellhard and Susan Boyle!’ and follows this with ‘Just for the record the TOWIE helmets were there, all of them together.’

The launch of Modern Warfare 2 pulled in some decent names but for some reason Modern Warfare 3 has only managed the cast of The Only Way Is Essex and Imogen Thomas. Perhaps this was a guerrilla tactic by Sony and they had sent in TOWIE to talk about DanceStar Party.

Joey spends the rest of evening sending very rude tweets to the Essex boys and concludes with ‘I actually despise the whole of that firm, mentally deficient, turn up at the opening of an envelope, fame hungry, prized ball bags.’ Obviously Mr. Barton has forgotten he was attending the same event and, I would guess, will never be attending an Activision event in the future.

Indoor fireworks! Example is go!
At last, the main event. Top U.K. popster/rapper/dubstep/electro man Example takes to the stage as the curtain drops in an explosion of green fireworks. Exciting!

Example: “Put you’re hand up if you’re media… If you’re fans of the game… If you’re a C-list celebrity!”
Example is unaccustomed to playing to this sort of crowd and is trying to get everyone dancing. Like myself, he has noticed the lack of A-listers but gamely put his hand up when he asks for the C-listers to identify themselves.

Example: “This where the tune turns into Ibiza, everyone munch your pills NOW!”
Possibly not the the words Activision want beamed across the world on their live feed. He continues to play an absolutely brilliant set, one of the best live acts I have ever seen. I continue to demonstrate that indeed, I do have moves like Jagger.

That was the last tweet of the night but the party continued for a few hours more. The event was a huge success for Activision despite the best efforts of Joey Barton who hit the headlines as he continued his abuse of TOWIE. 

Alternatively, the event was a huge success for that exact reason –  as we all know from the controversial images in the game, there is no such thing as bad news.

We’d like to thank XCN and Activision for inviting us along, it was a great night.

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  1. Ah Activision. If only they would invest the money they use for promotion in the actual game…

    • Ah, Klart, if only you had a clue how business works.

      • But I do, haven’t you seen the recent article mentioning my abilities to predict the gaming future and even being named the new Pachter?

      • I think Klart was angling more for “if only you put in the same effort developing the game as you did marketing it” although they know how to get the best from the title and marketing it to the entire world pays off each time.

        Regarding Klart’s mystic ability: He stands unrivalled at 100% success so heed his prophetic posts. ;)

    • They could’ve though, Blur, that other Shooter… Singularity??

      • Blur had an equally great party with Plan B performing live. Shame the game didnt sell well, it was a decent arcade racer. That was where I met the Hayemaker for the first time. Lovely, lovely chap.

    • How much was stumpted up my Micorshaft though?

  2. Nice – the “walk walk walk right in!!” made be laugh! Wish I had seen your tweets live! Thoroughly enjoyable read, if a bit astonishing how much of our money goes on this kind of thing!

  3. It’s

    • *it’s always little kids who spam friend requests. Soo annoying! Watch people on Machinima and all you can see is just friend requests popup every second or messages in the subject line on PS3.
      Lol C list celebrities.

  4. Yeah the tweets was funny especially when the drinks were taking effect lol.
    Wish I joined the party I would have went Crazy! (Probs get chucked out!)

  5. Joey Barton…. resprenting Uk.. of all people

    • Indeed – But i do now have a new found respect for him after slating TOWIE as he did.

      No idea what he said about it of course (apart from what is written above), but it can’t be that bad… Right? :S

      • Actually he was really, really vile. By all means take the piss but calling the ladies fat cows and slappers crosses the line.

      • Ah, ok – Didn’t realise it was quite to that extent.

        Gentle mickey-taking of orangeness, or generally being a bit dim would be the acceptable norm, but that is taking things a bit too far.

  6. “For example the Starhawk reveal had mini fish and chips with tiny portions of Cod”

    Surely they missed a trick with the food then – Cod/CoD?

    Never before has a food item been more relevant.

  7. TC- Lucky for Activision Duncan from Blue wasn’t in attendance huh?

    BTW, The dirty dubstep version of Ride On Time might be “Still Speedin” by SWAY.

  8. Enjoyed this article a lot. Expect to be followed by myself on twitter very soon.

  9. Dead Space 2 launch event were serving 1 chip at a time at one point. Granted, they were fancy, but only one!?

    • Ha ha, that’s just stupid. As is mini food in general..

  10. Great article, Tuffcub. One reason why TSA is so very good.

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