News Snatch: Sony Allow Kratos To Be Butchered, More Mario And Splash Damage’s Dirty Bomb

“Baby it’s cold outside” sang Ricardo Montalbán, correctly predicting today’s UK weather and the theme for the next set of levels in Angry Birds Star Wars. Rovio have released this rather amusing video to announce the new ‘Hoth’ levels.

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Oh dear. If you were holding out any hope of the God Of War movie being any good, please cancel those hopes now. Patrick Melton and Marcus Dunstan are writing the movie and will be changing the story of Kratos to avoid any comparisons with Clash of the Titans and the Immortals, none of which involve a baldy mad man killing his family and then slaying every god, titan and mortal he can find.

Patrick Melton said “Sony games, you think they’d be sacred about the origin story and all of that, but they were encouraging us to make it different from those movies and if that means going in dramatic shifts, they were cool of it. And they’re involved.”

No. Just NO.

A survey has hinted that Connor and chums will be back in a sequel to Assassin’s Creed III – questions pointed at a re-visit to the revolution setting and the Frontier. Bethesda are still working on Skyrim DLC for the PS3, not that anyone cares anymore.

Rare are working on a new game, they say it’s quite good – well they would, wouldn’t they?

Nintendo have hinted at new Mario and Zelda games, this really should be in the Obvious News Zone but one comment by Nintendo president Satoru Iwata caught my eye. “As we develop a new hardware platform, we ask ourselves such questions as, ‘what kind of new Zelda and Mario games do the software creators hope to make on this?’” he said.

We know Nintendo are not the most adventurous of companies, the some of the biggest headlines for the Wii U were when a long cancelled game featuring a sexy witch suddenly become the hottest thing on the new console, but is Mario and Zelda that all they can think about?

Splash Damage have revealed their new PC shooter ‘Dirty Bomb‘. The game appears to be set in London and is so cool it’s even got Banksy style graffiti plastered on the side of a tube station. Presumably there will be a dirty bomb as well, good luck to the developers when the tabloids find out about this game. Oh, and do not look up Dirty Bomb on Urban Dictionary. Ever. Eww.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0p_bQ5jIyNo&feature=player_embedded#!

Nothing much else is happening today, not unless you count a promotional game for Skrillex to be news. No Snatch tomorrow as I’m off to hibernate under a duvet, eat cake and try and finish smegging Skyrim.

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20 Comments

  1. Nothing wrong with them changing the story as long as they stick to revenge theme & explain the meaning behind God of war & get the 300 dude & vin diesel to play kratos it could be hood

    • Vin Diesel?

      In something good?

      I’m paralysed with laughter now…

      • Fast & furious
        Pitch black?

      • No & no.

        It’s just too hard to take him seriously in anything.

        All brawn, no brain or subtlety. And there’s no need for the ridiculous voice he uses. Even if that’s his natural sound, he’s an actor- change it!

        Hmm… Maybe all brawn and no brain IS Kratos, although I’d much prefer the likes of Jason Momoa, although the fact he’s already done both Khal Drogo and Conan would probably rule him out.

  2. Smegging Skyrim? I don’t even want to know what that means

  3. I hate Connor in AC3, he’s so emotionless and a boring character. Haythem was infinitely better. And I prefer cities where running along the rooftops is fun, Boston just doesn’t compare to the dense cities like Istanbul or my favourite city, Florence from AC2. So I really hope they go in a different direction with a new location and a new character.

    • I agree with all of that. ACII was great but in trying to keep the later games fresh they’ve made them less enjoyable.

      AC:L was far closer to ACII then most of the recent games.

  4. lets see were they take God Of War before we judge them I feel.

  5. I don’t understand why people freak out about the GOW news. If they would simply rehash the story of the games it would be a very linear and boring movie (kind of like the games).
    Looking back at the games I’d say changing things up is the only way to make this project even remotely watchable. I certainly wouldn’t pay 7-10€ to watch an annoying bald guy in desperate need of some anger management therapy killing one greek god after another…

    Please be aware that this is simply my opinion.

    • For what its worth, I agree – Actually giving Kratos a personality would go a long way…

    • Me too, especially since the new Clash and Wrath of the Titans movies felt very GoW like, especially especially since Wrath of the Titans centered on 1 demi-God killing a Titan. As long as the don’t make Kratos some emo teenager I’m all for changing things. besides I think every video game movies gets this treatment, so this is no surprise IMO

  6. ‘what kind of new Zelda and Mario games do the software creators hope to make on this?’

    I think that sums up why I don’t buy Nintendo machines, two IPs I’ve never enjoyed and third-party developers seem to struggle with the hardware. I’m not sure how they get away with re-releasing the old games so much as well.

  7. I think I read somewhere they were making God of War a romantic comedy, with Justin Timberlake on board to play Kratos.

  8. THE FANS OF OLYMPUS ARE NOT AMUSED. THEY WILL HAVE THEIR VENGANCE VIA A SERIES OF EPIC BOSS BATTLES AGAINST THE WRITERS OF GOW:THE MOVIE THEN WE WILL DESTROY THE GODS OF HOLLYWOOD.*GOW theme plays*

    You can’t have a fucking God of war film without kratos killing gods, big battles, a pissed of spartan, decaptions, killing gods, groin surgery with Kratos etc.. I doubt people will look at Kratos and go, “hmm, he looks like that bloke in Titans”. Also, Kratos killing his family is the entire reason why Kratos started to kill gods. Take that away and there is no other reason for Kratos to kill gods as he won’t be fuelled by revenge. And i will facepalm very hard if they decide to use dubstep or modern music for the soundtrack for the film as GOW is known for having a soundtrack that matches a greek tale.

    It’s going to be rated 12 isn’t it? Thus GOW:the film will just be Kratos is very upset but doesn’t brutally kill people instead, kills them instantly. Why do i get the feeling it will be set in a modern day setting and Kratos is a person who kills criminals due to them doing something to him? :-/

    Is there any reason for us to go back to Connor due to the events of AC3 leaving not that much room. They could do a AC:B and destroy the homestead whilst pulling out an unknown Templar but we would see that coming. I suppose Connor could end up facing the Templar order from London and face them in a series of naval battles. But i would rather see another game in an entirely new setting as Connor is not that interesting. He’s okay but is the weakest character in the series in terms of character development.

    The weakest is Desmond who doesn’t really get any development as a character and instead is a plot device.

    As for Bethesda, i gave up on DLC for Skyrim on PS3 months ago.

  9. near future london set fps, cool.

    and did i see a woman holding a gun?
    i guess they put enough work in to include at least one woman this time. ^_^

    • Yes there appears to a busty lovely character

      • you’ve got such a wonderful way with words TC. ^_^

      • I haz haznt i?

      • You are still not getting a raise Tuffcub as we are nearly out of the hobnobs and may have to resort to using Tesco Value biscuits to pay you and the rest of the staff. :O

  10. Dirty Bomb looks cool.

    Hope it’s actually good, I’d like to play through some more tightly focused shooters, rather than the globe-trotting spectaculars like CoD.

    But oh yes, it’s going to be interesting when the tabloids get a hold of this one.

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