Opinion: Where Jack Tretton Could Go Next

Jack Tretton is a legend in this industry. He’s garnered huge amounts of respect from just about everyone who has ever had any involvement with console games and he’s added a bit of character and colour to the public face of PlayStation since the 1997 launch of that little grey console that could.

The announcement that he’s stepping down as CEO of Sony Computer Entertainment America came as a surprise and we’ll all be very sad to see him go. Hopefully he will move on to something else that puts him front and centre in the games industry so that we don’t entirely lose his wit, charm and intelligence from the industry altogether.

In the meantime, join me for a revealing trip around my own personal fantasy world of Jack Tretton to explore the top ten things I know he’d be the best in the world at, now he’s set to have some spare time on his hands.

Corporate Fixer. Corporate espionage leaking secrets to your competitors? No worries, Jack can plug those leaks. After years of plastering over the hole-ridden hull of PlayStation’s pre-E3 press announcements, 2013’s press conference finally kept its secrets. Jack’s perfected his methods and now he’s ready to teach others how to ensure that nobody knows what your next big product launch is going to be before you want them to.

Mob Boss. If you’re a regular podcast listener, or even if you’ve just spent more than about an hour in the company of Kris and myself, you’ll know that this has long been a fantasy world we’ve imagined. Jack Tretton: respectable face of one of the biggest companies in the games industry by day, head of Chicago’s largest organised crime syndicate by night.

His recent announcement will afford him even more time to organise his whiskey bootlegging operations and perform tense negotiations with the other, less impressive heads of Families over a pristine white linen tablecloth and a huge plate of spaghetti and meatballs.

Bare Knuckle Fighter. It’s a little known and entirely made up fact that PlayStation Move’s The Fight was designed solely to help train new sparring partners for Jack’s training regime after he broke all the ex-heavyweight champions he was training with. Developers of The Fight even included a secret and entirely imagined extra hard difficulty mode just to give Jack a bit of a challenge.

I imagine this career makes him an undefeated champion on the underground scene until he’s approached by a shady character representing a gambling ring and told to throw his next fight. Perhaps they’ll kidnap someone close to him like Kaz Hirai, as incentive to comply. But we all know Jack doesn’t cheat so instead he embarks on an Enter the Dragon-style assault of the gambling cartel’s glistening headquarters, rescuing Kaz before zip-lining to safety as the skyscraper explodes behind them.

Asteroid Miner. He stands in expensive slacks, his tie off and folded into his shirt pocket. Top two buttons undone so that a wiry tuft of chest hair is just glimpsed beyond the pristine pastels of his perfectly pressed shirt. Cufflinks in his trouser pocket, suit jacket on a hook behind the heavy titanium door and his sleeves rolled up. When Jack takes his suit jacket off and rolls up his sleeves, anything is possible.

His eyes are closed in silent meditation, breathing deep and settling himself for the ordeal about to come. A light flicks from red to green and he takes one big deep breath. His eyes open and in an instant he pushes through the circular door into the airless, rocky landscape of an asteroid as it streaks a trail through the black expanse of space. Jack doesn’t need a suit or expensive mining equipment, he punches the featureless rock until piles of priceless space minerals fill the landscape.

Then it’s back to the landing craft to get his cufflinks back on and a cool mojito. You’re welcome, planet Earth.

Private Investigator. It seems obvious to me that there exists somewhere an alternate dimension where everything is black and white, it’s always raining and Jack Tretton is a salty New York gumshoe. He’s got a weakness for dames in red dresses and often engages in late night bourbon binges while he ponders tricky cases involving dames in red dresses.

Global Conflict Resolution Tsar. When the UN fails, and it usually does, Jack steps in. He travels to global hot spots to mediate negotiations between parties who previously had no common ground. Israel, the Middle East, Northern Ireland. Jack locks the doors to the boardroom and simply administers stern looks until the world’s conflicts melt away and we live in peace and global harmony.

Intergalactic Smuggler. 12 parsecs? Solo, you amateur, Jack could do the Kessel Run in 10. When you absolutely have to get a secret compartment full of weapons/drugs/technology/rebel farmers and old wizards past the collected military might of The Empire, there’s only really one choice and he doesn’t wear a cute little waistcoat.In this fantasy, Nintendo of America’s Reggie Fils-Aime is Chewbacca. You know it makes sense.

Movie Star. My first thought when I heard the news was: So that’s who’s playing Joel in the recently announced The Last of Us movie. The more I thought about it, the more it makes sense. Who knows the potential audience for a movie about a video game better than Jack Tretton? Also, is there anyone you think would be capable of surviving a fungal apocalypse longer than Jack? No, I didn’t think so. He’d be totally believable.The only problem might be that if Jack Tretton grows a beard to fit the role, it’ll doubtless start a global trend for sporting beards that puts every razor manufacturer on the planet out of business overnight.Also, consider Jack as the next Doctor Who, James Bond and/or Jack Ryan. Imagine him being lined up as the next Batman. See, glorious, isn’t it?

President of the USA. I don’t know what Jack’s politics are but I don’t care, he’s got my vote and I’m not even American so I can’t really vote. Surely he’d be a shoe-in to win any race against anyone either of the traditional American political parties could run against him? He’s more likeable than any Democrat and he’s more businesslike than any Republican. Presuming he could overcome the considerable obstacle that is Frank Underwood, he’s got the easy charm and just the right amount of folksy wit to endear him to any voter. Let’s face it, politics isn’t about experience and ability, it’s about who voters like more and it would only take an hour long stage presentation in Los Angeles before the whole of America would queue up to vote him in.

Whatever the hell he wants. Jack is leaving PlayStation behind. That’s a huge loss for the company because, despite all the joking, he really has been a fantastic leader for PlayStation and a fantastic ambassador for our beloved industry. I’ve imagined a range of career choices that I should probably print out and bring up at my next therapy session but, in truth, the world is Jack’s oyster. He can do whatever he wants and I’m sure he’ll be the best in the world at it.

Where would you like to see Jack go next, in a world of ridiculous fantasies such as these?