TSA E3 Travel Diary Day Five – The Beach

Happy hour at Rusty’s Surf Ranch on Santa Monica pier is the closest man has come to attaining perfection. We got a pint of margarita for $3.50 and the biggest burgers you can think of for about $12. These things were probably visible from the International Space Station. They had their own gravitational pull.

Also, Santa Monica is the bit with the beach and the funfair from GTA V so we got some excellent photos and generally made quite poor jokes about Rockstar’s latest. I jumped in the sand and made sand angels (like snow angels but with sand, obviously) and we got a taxi back to the hotel when the wind started to make the heat bearable. Just like an episode of Baywatch. Well, except for the climax being a taxi driver who seemed like he’d been in LA for less time than we had. He didn’t seem to comprehend that, if he kept turning left, he’d just be driving in circles. At least he turned the radio up loud enough that he couldn’t hear us asking if he was lost and shouting “TURN RIGHT!” to him at every fourth junction.


Before our beach bound adventure, we got a private showing of Oddworld: New n’ Tasty in our hotel room. Despite the TV being a little bit crap and the horrendous overscan, it looks fantastic. I played a bit and died a lot before the general noisy exasperation at my repeated failures robbed me of my privileges. There’s been some time spent with little details on that game which make it well worth the wait. We talked about it, and the experience of showing it for three days solid at E3, on the podcast we recorded from our hotel room before our excursion. Go and listen.

Blair is still sleeping but he’s only got until I finish writing this diary before we stage a mock FBI raid and wake him up in the most dramatic way we can think of. I think we might even be able to get our hands on some assault rifles, if we ask discreetly at the convenience store. Teflon and I have developed a kind of morning routine that fits in showers and getting ready for the day while Blair has a little lie in. He’s got a real talent for sleeping. It’s quite impressive.

We were promised riots if the LA Kings won their ice hockey game but it doesn’t seem to have been all that exciting really. Aside from a fleet of ambulances and police cars racing up the main road towards the Staples Center and five helicopters hovering overhead for most of the night it all seemed quite subdued. Still, the England game at the World Cup is today so perhaps we can show them how sports riots are supposed to be done.

I’m not sure what the plan for today is. The only thing we’re definitely doing is going to a breakfast place that’s supposed to be fantastic. Everything in LA revolves around the next amazing food experience. I don’t even know what whipped butter is but I’m having it. My strategy is essentially to pick the thing on the menu that sounds like it has the most calories and then say yes to all the options I’m presented with by the server. “Do you want ranch dressing or steak sauce?” Yes. “Cajun fries or regular?” Yes. Basically, every meal should come with the risk of an imminent heart attack or I don’t want it, go back and try again.

Yesterday, we got frozen yogurt and I had mango, kiwi fruit and chocolate with crushed peanut butter cups and raspberry syrup. It weighed about the same as a small child’s head. I’m already fantasising about what mix of flavours I can have when I go back later. If it wasn’t for the sad fact that I’m walking about ten miles a day, I’d need to book a second seat on the aeroplane for my belly.

Right, time to wake Blair up, where did I put that tear gas?



  1. The heart attack thing was a bit insensitive… *clutches chest* :(

  2. from what i’ve seen of ice hockey, all those police and ambulances could just be for the players.

    and, i can think of quite a big burger. ^_^

  3. How did you get a private showing of Oddworld? I assume Alex had something to do with it?

    And we definitely need to see a Rainbow Six style breach-and-clear Vine of you two waking up Blair!

    • Peter just decided to jump on top of me instead.

      • Ah, the mighty bellyflop, just as effective.

      • Instant Pâté, oh dear!

  4. Love these diaries, great work!

    • Yep. Best bit on TSA over E3! :-)

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