News Snatch: The Big Four-Oh. Oh. Oh.

Well hello there, welcome to a very special edition of News Snatch. It’s special because this is the 4,000th piece I’ve written for TSA. Four blimmin’ thousand! Of the 4,000 posts 297 of them have been editions of News Snatch so I’ve had a nose through the archives and selected some of the best bits (read: smutty) which you can find at the end of this post, it’s amazing what I got away with in the old days.

Before we get to that we have this weeks news, all of which has been placed in a big round file beside my desk. First up, the annoyingly capitalised Project CARS is getting DLC featuring lots of vehicles from the United States of America, and you can see a new video about them above.

“We are planning to develop new Double Dragon games, so please look forward to them!” says the father of the side scrolling beat ’em up (and Double Dragon) Yoshihisa Kishimoto.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hZd8KRVOVhA
Marvel Battlegrounds are coming to Disney Infinity 3.0 so you can recreate some of the scenes from the rubbish second Avengers movie and make them infinitely better.

Fallout Shelter has been updated and now includes crafting, a barbershop, and parrots, because winged pets who repeat phrases over and over again and a nifty haircut are essential to surviving the apocalypse.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yveLaWgBTdk
Street Fighter: Resurrection is the second series based on the Street Fighter IP to be created by Machinima. Set a decade after the events of its prequel Street Fighter: Assassin’s Fist, Ken and best chum Ryu are a bit miffed to find that Charlie Nash is back from the dead and attacking the other Street Fighters. Exciting!

Senran Kagura Estival Versus, aka The Improbable Boobs Game, is almost with us and there is now a live action trailer in which a man gropes a mouse mat with tits and then takes a pillow on a date.

I’m not making this up.

A blog spotted by Internet super sleuth Superannuation has revealed that the forthcoming Bungie game, Destiny, is “still quite like Halo” and has nice trees. It also has particles, dynamic lighting and shooting and I would hazard a guess that it also has “characters” and “things to do” as well. Of more interest is the weird cult at Bungie HQ:

“The day started in the Bungie offices (a converted cinema) with a bizarre ‘Knighting of the Noobs’ ceremony, where anyone who started at Bungie within the last 6 months was presented with a signed wooden sword, and asked to kneel in front of Harold Ryan (President) while he read a pseudo oath, culminating in ‘be brave’, a term they have trademarked for the game.”

I have suggested we instigate a similar procedure at TSA Towers but Peter has told me that if he finds me forcing any of the staff to their knees and knighting them with my “sword” then the Police will be called.

“It’s not the length, it’s the experience” says Infinity Ward’s Robert Bowling , possibly to his wife late at night but also defending the short campaign of Modern Warfare 2.

Curiosity: What’s Inside the Cube has received a nice update that makes beams of light appear when other players knock one out.

A cube, that is.

Well it was bound to happen eventually – a tabloid has noticed the Prestige Modern Warfare pack comes with night vision goggles. Taking journalism to new heights of sensationalism, today’s Daily Star reports

“Joy-pad junkies are rubbing their hands in anticipation and some have already admitted they will use the goggles for ‘stealth dogging’ and to spy on gay cruising spots.”

Stealth dogging? Is that what Solid Snake gets up to on his time off?

Over in Europe the merest mention of boobs gets journos all in a tiz but the Japanese have a rather different culture.  Next month gamers in Japan can get their grubby mitts a new PlayStation Vita game,Senran Kagura: Shinovi Versus.

Kenichiro Takaki of publishers Maervelous Interactive has said the game features – those of a nervous disposition may want to look away now – “tits that can be licked.”

And Finally, the weirdest trailer ever to grace News Snatch, Spin The Bottle for the Wii U. Describe is as an “innocent game for innocent kids” but the less innocent amongst you will probably have a filthy giggle watching the trailer which seems to feature a large bobbing yellow penis and green turd.