Community Round-Up: 02/07/16

I decided to hand over the reins to Steven for this week’s Round Up. I now regret that decision. Below you will find an insight into the man they call, The Lone Steven…

I’m back! Quite a lot has happened since the last time I did it. To newbies, Gazza usually does these, but he is oddly hungover today after a rather strong dose of tea that I may have spiked with Jack Daniels and several bottles of cider. To oldies, you know what to expect!

So, Top Gear came back – it’s kinda rubbish, good and rubbish – we had Brexit, it’s tennis season, and Game of Thrones returned then left without so much as a goodbye!

E3 happened, and there was quite a lot of coverage from TSA, but Gazza covered that last week. If not, I will unleash Brian the Blessed on him as punishment. Instead, I am covering the reviews of the past week. I did a review once, apparently, reviewing TSA writers is immoral, illegal and the writers are not for sale. Because I’m a lazy sod, I’m not checking the round up from last week regarding this review. It may have came out when Gazzagb had already typed it up. If not, well, IT’S MY ROUND UP! Who’s Round up? MINE!

Jimmy the Jimbo reviewed the god awful piece of undead rubbish that was Umbrella Corps. Read it if you wish to find out how awful that piece of rotten donkey poo is.  The man made out of Teflon and toeshoes reviewed episode six of Minecraft: Story Mode. It’s, erm… Minecraft with a story? It still makes more sense then Tetris getting a bleeding trilogy!

Tuffcub was allowed to review Dino Dini’s Kick Off Revival. Well he claims he asked to, but I suspect it’s a punishment for that incident in Game which we can’t talk about. Does he hate it? Well, spoiler alert, yeah, he hated this game. I’m told he punched someone in the face afterwards for letting him have his way!

Dave – the person not the TV channel – reviewed The Technomancer and no, it’s not a DJ wizard that blasts his enemies with techno music. That would make for an excellent game, but this one’s medicore. Looks like the week I’m allowed to hijack the round up and we have mostly bad reviews. Dammit, Gazza!

Jim reviewed the Bespin Expansion for Star Wars Battlefront. Personally, I feel it should have been in the sodding game from the start, but maybe that’s just me, someone that played both original games. No jokes here. Blame EA for that.

Dominic spilt his tea and for some reason, that prompted him to review Odin Sphere lefithairs.   Leifhair…. Leafihair? Screw it. Click on the link, because I can’t spell the name. Now, I am starting to suspect Gazzagb gave me the bad week. I may have to get revenge on him later.

Matt got to review Breached this week. Apparently, I stole his favourite cuppa, but that’s a lie! I merely stole his coffee and teabags just to annoy him, so he reviewed a game called Breached to cheer himself up. By the way, it was Stefan and Gazza that put me up to stealing the coffee and teabags. They threatened to release certain files if I didn’t…

In previews, we didn’t preview that much. Stefan wore his Sherlock holmes outfit and a Benedict Cumberbatch mask (Read: He cut out a picture and stuck it over his face) to give us a preview of The Assembly. Yeah, I don’t know why he did that either. He wears toeshoes, so he isn’t exactly sane.

Dave previewed Pokémon GO. Well, a Pokémon game. Need I say more? Hell, you’re not even looking at this now are you? I’ll wait. In fact, I’ll go make a cuppa.

You’re back? Good. Jim spoke about Prison Architect. Which reminds me of a film featuring da Arnold and Stallone teaming up at last.  It is apparently a different sim. Either it’s not a “Sim” that is often on Steam greenlight or it is just different.

Lord Steffy Weffy also dressed as Princess Peach and previewed Mario Party Star Rush, had a hands on with the Legend of Zelda, and spoke about the Farm Stories Saga.  No, it’s not an epic tale about one man’s farming in Farming Smulator. BRING ME TRAIN SIMULATOR DAMMNIT! On PS4 and XBO, please?

And he also wrote about VR. Sadly not VR porn, but we may see Tuffcub, our resident smut expert and cha cha dancer, review it.

Blimey, this is rather large. Well, in LibreOffice, this is almost 1000 words long! No doubt, Gazzagb has cut it down to 500, so I may release the unedited version in the forums. Anyway, this is the part where I would dig through the wasteland that is our forum.

Forum news time!

……

And that’s it for the forum! No, I didn’t leave anything out. It is dead. I tried to revive it but apparently, no-one cares for TSA tennis, Top Gear, ghostbusters or Tea(TRAITORS!) in General chat. If you do have any ideas on how to get it back to life, feel free to comment here.

Gazza seems to be recovering from the hang over so I best hand it over to him. I’ll probably be back at Christmas due to my fees going up. It used to be 1000 biscuits per word, but now it’s 1000 jaffa cakes per word, and there’s Pringles tubes and bottles of coke per page. Apparently, the Steven Budget can only be afforded twice a year.

Anyway, That’s it for now, I have XCOM to play! I am outta here! Well, not really as I have nothing planned for this weekend, but I am outta this article!

Congratulations, you made it to the end of Steven’s Round Up! Normal service will resume next time, I promise. Have a good week! – Gaz