My Top Ten: FPS Differences

People are always banging on about how every FPS game is basically the same. Those people are idiots, here’s why:

In Doom they have floaty fireball monsters, a gun called The BFG which actually acronyms a sweary word and a health meter represented by a little picture of a face (presumably yours) getting more and more beaten up.
In Call of Duty they have characterisation which makes you sad when one of the non-playables gets killed. It’s almost like the storytelling is having an impact on the player. Oh, hold on, they have this in Brothers in Arms too. Well Call of Duty is set during the Second World War! Oh…
In Medal of Honour they have Nazis and it’s set in the Second World War… Oh, this isn’t going well is it?
Well, alright then… In Wolfenstein the Nazis have robotics and, in later iterations, they’ve found some magic rocks which make them slow down time and see floaty ghost-like things which remind you of Slimer from Ghostbusters if he’d had a motorcycle accident and can’t get around so well these days.
In Halo you can jump and almost float like you were Michael Jordan doing wire-work for a new Star Wars movie. You can also dual-wield your weapons unless you’re playing the first Halo. Or the latest one. They hadn’t worked out how to do it for the first one and by the time they made ODST they’d given up trying.
In Far Cry 2 there’s pretty fire and the “baddies” are mostly Africans who have plots to overthrow warlords and steal things and shoot at you in a church and let you get halfway through the game before breaking completely and never bloody working again. Almost every other FPS let’s you finish the game so that’s different.
In Duke Nukem there was a gun which shrinks your enemies into tiny little frantic nutcases who are easy to stomp in a sickly comical fashion. Like cockroaches or ants. Or kittens.
In Modern Warfare it’s set in modern times rather than an old world war or a spacey future. Alright, some others are set in modern times too but none of them actually tell you that in the title. The only way the title of this game could be more explicit is if they called it “Runny Shooty Look Quite Pretty”.
In Portal you don’t actually have a proper gun, there are no Nazis and you’re not sure if it’s set during a world war or in the future or even right now. You also have to eat cake. I think that was the aim of the game – to eat some cake. It was like an FPS version of Fat Princess. But good.
In Six Days in Fallujah you have to be outraged that anybody would dare to reference a conflict that was so recent and pretend that you didn’t spend hours making accurate maps of Port Stanley and Camp X-Ray in the Delta Force map editor on PC. At least, that’s what I did.
In Gears of War you have to play Halo but from a different perspective. It’s not even in the First Person anymore, how about that for a big difference?

Oh, alright, that was cheating…

In Mirror’s Edge you’re encouraged to refrain from shooting anyone and just do jumping instead. A bit like 90s denim-clad Irish pop-puppets B*Witched but with more style and less soul-crushing despair.

Share and Enjoy:

47 Comments

Newer Comments

cc_star (Staff)
Member since: Forever
Posted on: 06/11/2009 at 13:04

Possibly the best one yet
FRUIT0FDOOM (490 TSA Points)
Member since: Aug 2009
Posted on: 06/11/2009 at 13:06

Agree with cc_star, best one i’ve read yet. Nofi putting the cherry on top just there too – brilliant!
Hodgi92 (771 TSA Points)
Member since: Forever
Posted on: 06/11/2009 at 13:06

haha!!
Aitrus (859 TSA Points)
Member since: Sep 2008
Posted on: 06/11/2009 at 13:06

Excellent stuff, cb!
RadioactiveMouse (416 TSA Points)
Member since: Aug 2009
Posted on: 06/11/2009 at 13:08

Nice to see Battlefield didn’t get dragged in there
- cc_star (Staff)
  Member since: Forever
  Posted on: 06/11/2009 at 13:11
  
  Yeah, we could have mentioned it introduced dropped connections or dropped voice chat – as far as the PSN version is concerned anyway.
  - RadioactiveMouse (416 TSA Points)
    Member since: Aug 2009
    Posted on: 06/11/2009 at 13:24
    
    Touche
scavenga (379 TSA Points)
Member since: Jul 2009
Posted on: 06/11/2009 at 13:10

Brilliant!

Forgot about Blacksite though, where nothing is destructable, apart from the 5 different enemies you encounter!
kevatron400 (1358 TSA Points)
Member since: Dec 2008
Posted on: 06/11/2009 at 13:11

That is really really good. I think Nofi may have finally cracked too.
Day-o (1821 TSA Points)
Member since: Oct 2008
Posted on: 06/11/2009 at 13:11

lol, least person i’d expect to post a comment such as that

On topic, i do think Mirror’s Edge is cool how you are supposed to refrain from using a gun. Also, what’s wrong with Fat Princss?
- TctclMvPhase (671 TSA Points)
  Member since: Nov 2008
  Posted on: 07/11/2009 at 00:15
  
  In Mirror’s Edge you just run away. If you stick to that mechanic the game is quite incredible actually. Most detractors tried to shoot people, despite the game constantly reminding you not to…
nofi (Editor)
Member since: Forever
Posted on: 06/11/2009 at 13:12

Actually, being a dick aside, this is actually really quite funny. Best one so far.
oMega-W (2329 TSA Points)
Member since: Forever
Posted on: 06/11/2009 at 13:27

B*Witched. Ha.
Roynaldo (2066 TSA Points)
Member since: Nov 2008
Posted on: 06/11/2009 at 13:27

Great, stepping down has done wonders to you CB!
Was waiting for Timeshift and it pause/rewind thingymajig it had going on. Very unique and not “samey” that one. Was a bit shit though and i never got round to finishing it.
lewis815 (612 TSA Points)
Member since: Mar 2009
Posted on: 06/11/2009 at 13:28

Why do FPS have to be set in some realistic war? Why not mix it up a bit, add some fantasy, some magic. Not everything has to be as realistic as possible. Halo was on its way but for me still feels too realistic. Add some interesting game machanics, mix it with genres that havnt been mixed before. Like a FPS/Platformer, weird.. but im sure a good developer can make something amazing out of that! Add some mystery in to the gameplay instead of straightforward, shoot to kill/find this person or escape this place.

I may be talking rubbish here, I have never been a FPS fan, the only FPS I have played is CoD4 and CoD:WaW.
- lewis815 (612 TSA Points)
  Member since: Mar 2009
  Posted on: 06/11/2009 at 13:28
  
  “Oh also.. You also have to eat cake. I think that was the aim of the game – to eat some cake. It was like an FPS version of Fat Princess. But good.” = CLASSIC!
- Raen (Staff)
  Member since: Mar 2009
  Posted on: 06/11/2009 at 13:46
  
  Battlefield: 2142?
  - lewis815 (612 TSA Points)
    Member since: Mar 2009
    Posted on: 06/11/2009 at 14:20
    
    I might be wrong, as I’ve never played the game, but from the images on google it looks like it plays like every other FPS, but set in the future. Meh..
  - TctclMvPhase (671 TSA Points)
    Member since: Nov 2008
    Posted on: 07/11/2009 at 00:31
    
    2142 had some decent innovations. It introduced orbital drops (a logical form of squad spawning), Titan Mode and pilotable mechs. Then again, I dont know how you are defining “every other shooter” so I cant really rebut the criticism.
- TctclMvPhase (671 TSA Points)
  Member since: Nov 2008
  Posted on: 07/11/2009 at 00:23
  
  Would you be referring to a game like Bioshock? Rise of the Triad? Timeshift? Shattered Horizon? Even Fallout 3 could be considered an FPS.
  
  FPS platformer? Do you mean Mirror’s Edge?
  
  I think the qualm I have with criticism of the FPS genre is that by definition it is limited. You have one perspective and you have one method of interacting with the world, both inherent in the name. Its not that there arent any different FPSs out there, youre just not looking.
Roynaldo (2066 TSA Points)
Member since: Nov 2008
Posted on: 06/11/2009 at 13:28

A* for making me smile:D
3shirts (1246 TSA Points)
Member since: Aug 2008
Posted on: 06/11/2009 at 13:29

What about Goldeneye, the only FPS where you can slap people!
morbo1993 (10 TSA Points)
Member since: Dec 2008
Posted on: 06/11/2009 at 13:36

YOU FUCKING FAG! STOP SAYING THAT! ARRRBHBHBGHAHGABLA FAG FAG FAG WHORE SOMETHING FAG!

there… no special treatment from me mr. Nofi.
- mynameisblair (3064 TSA Points)
  Member since: May 2009
  Posted on: 06/11/2009 at 13:39
  
  Drop the F word bro, might offend some people.
- Day-o (1821 TSA Points)
  Member since: Oct 2008
  Posted on: 06/11/2009 at 14:09
  
  Fag n. 1. An extremely annoying, inconsiderate person most commonly associated with Harley riders.
  2. A person who owns or frequently rides a Harley.
- bunimomike (2179 TSA Points)
  Member since: Jul 2009
  Posted on: 08/11/2009 at 09:57
  
  I wish Gastos would post under his normal profile ha!

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