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Emergency, Emergency! Paging Doctor Beat!

Crash! hits iOS.

Man alive, I was bang on. I called it! I was there. I said it. You know, like everyone else. What in the name of holy hell am I talking about? Burnout Crash!, which I said – when I reviewed it back on console – that it’d be a perfect fit for iOS. And I know ‘on console’ is the worst English in the world, but I also said ‘I called it’, a phrase that normally makes me do a minisick every time I read it. Ugh.

Whatever, here’s the bloody Hoff having a go at the game, which is now available on the platform it was apparently always meant to be on, and making some odd faces. You’ll witness flicking, tapping and general contorting of the facial muscles. I’ll come back to those in a bit, but in the meantime, gaze upon said 80’s icon and realise that – no matter who you are – you’ll never be as cool as him.

So, yeah, Burnout Crash! is every bit as good as it was on the PS3 and Xbox 360. The controls are naturally intuitive (even steering the car at the beginning is a breeze, and you don’t have to do massive big swipes, little ones anywhere will suffice) and visually it’s actually quite nice. On New iPad (thanks for that, Apple) you can pick out some blurry textures, but it’s a good looking game.

I’d rather you read the review than me have to repeat everything, but if your mouse has just broken and all you can do is scroll up and down, Burnout Crash! is like a pinball game without the pin or balls, instead replacing the metal sphere with an explosive car. Cause damage, get points, explode again, rinse and repeat. It’s simple, addictive fun, if a little unpredictable.

So, it plays fine, is cheap (three quid to you, sir) and the Hoff likes it. What’s not to love? Origin, which shoehorns itself between the UI and common sense, replacing Game Center for the leaderboards (I’m NEVER signing up, EA) and the fact that it’s pretty much exactly the same game. Played it before and didn’t like it? You won’t like it now, as nothing has really changed. Sorry.

But if that’s the case, you’re bonkers. Burnout Crash! is ace, if only for the wonderful 80’s soundtrack, which peppers the action every time something silly happens.

Quit dicking around, and buy it here.

  1. BioEye
    Team TSA: Writer
    Since: Forever

    I’m sure it’s a great game, but watching that trailer… I cringed so hard I cried.

    Comment posted on 13/04/2012 at 00:29.
  2. Paranoimia
    Since: Aug 2008

    “that it’d be a perfect fit for iOS”

    I thought that too. Because it’s shit. :-)

    No, I’m not trolling. Well, okay, maybe I am just a little bit. But I genuinely thought it was rubbish, and deleted the demo from my PS3 within minutes.

    Comment posted on 13/04/2012 at 00:31.
    • lokiy2j
      Since: Sep 2010

      I have to say I bought this last year and loved it! the little music samples when the special vehicles come in the epic scores etc just like nofi said it’s like pinball with cars!

      Comment posted on 13/04/2012 at 07:25.
      • shields_t
        Since: Oct 2008

        It’s a great “pass the controller” game, and very addictive once you get to the bottom of how the dynamics of the different game modes work. I was really looking forward to an iPad release but sadly I’ve now played it to death on the PS3 and probably won’t be stumping up to buy it again.

        Comment posted on 13/04/2012 at 08:45.
  3. colossalblue
    Team TSA: Editor
    Since: Forever

    I bought it, played it for about 15 minutes and I don’t think it’s quite clicked yet. I’ll have another go tomorrow.
    This – “Origin, which shoehorns itself between the UI and common sense” is brilliant. Brill-E-Unt.

    Comment posted on 13/04/2012 at 01:09.
  4. Sympozium
    Since: Aug 2009

    Personally I don’t think its worth it, but should be good PS3 version was nice but I wouldn’t buy it again unless it was cheaper.

    Comment posted on 13/04/2012 at 01:54.
  5. 3shirts
    Since: Aug 2008

    I quite enjoyed the demo but it seemed a bit pricey. It seems idea for a £3 mobile game though. Android version by any chance? It’s only the biggest mobile OS in the market but, you know, whatevs.

    Comment posted on 13/04/2012 at 08:25.
  6. nofi
    One for all.
    Since: Forever

    Android is the biggest OS? By what metric? Not software sales, I’m sure.

    Comment posted on 13/04/2012 at 08:38.
    • Zephyre
      Since: Aug 2009

      Andriod apparently has more daily activations per day than IOS devices and a larger share of the smartphone market. IOS pees over android in terms of apps available, apps downloaded and tablets sold. Think it’s pretty much a score draw at the moment, with the number of apple users buying being the decider when people like EA choose what to release a game on

      Comment posted on 13/04/2012 at 09:06.
      • Zephyre
        Since: Aug 2009

        Oh, just to add, I’m an android device fan (phone and tablet) but you can’t argue with Apples success

        Comment posted on 13/04/2012 at 09:08.
      • colmshan1990
        Since: Apr 2009

        Don’t forget that a lot of Android devices out in the market probably can’t match even the iPhone 3GS, never mind the 4S.
        Fragmentation means you reach more of the market, but developers can’t, unless they develop for the worst phone, making the top drawer stuff like the Samsung Galaxy II and the likes superfluous and a useless waste of money.

        There’s no comparision between say, the Vodafone Smart and the 4S.

        Comment posted on 13/04/2012 at 09:39.
    • bunimomike
      Since: Jul 2009

      Android OS is definitely the leader (with an install base) but Apple’s closed system and customer base means that nearly everyone is more than happy parting with money for great apps – something Android users are yet to adjust to (en masse).

      Comment posted on 13/04/2012 at 13:35.
  7. Tuffcub
    On the naughty step.
    Since: Dec 2008

    I think we need to cut down your sugar intake again.

    Comment posted on 13/04/2012 at 08:49.
  8. ron_mcphatty
    Since: Sep 2008

    It is good! I made my fellow Burnout 3 lover at work get it last night, it looks wonderful! I didn’t get it myself, not sure it’ll work on my creaky old 3GS, I need to do some research. Anyone tried it on an older iPhone yet?

    Comment posted on 13/04/2012 at 08:56.
  9. freezebug2
    Since: Dec 2008

    Yep, you were right it does look better suited (and priced I’d imagine) on iOS than on a console. I only had a go on the demo for PS3 mind so that’s all I can compare it with!
    In other news, I’ll just carry on dicking around and won’t be buying it…or possibly fanny around instead :P

    Comment posted on 13/04/2012 at 09:13.
    • Forrest_01
      Since: Jun 2009

      I like a good bit of fannying about. :)

      Comment posted on 13/04/2012 at 09:20.
  10. Bilbo_bobbins
    Since: Jun 2009

    that trailer is hilariously crap lol I will be buying this, cheers for the heads up

    Comment posted on 13/04/2012 at 09:55.

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