My Top Ten: Weapons

Personally I don’t think a game is really a game unless you get to kill something, go faster than someone else, blow something up or eat pills. With this in mind I’ve outlined my top ten list of video game weapons. It was a really hard one this week, I could probably have gone for a top twenty and still had to cut things out from my list.

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  1. Chainsaw Gun from Gears of War. Chainsaws are great, assault rifles are great. Why not combine the two?! This was slightly awkwardly implemented by the game but it’s a lovely idea. It’s basically a huge automatic rifle with a mini chainsaw under the barrel.
  2. Rail Driver from Red Faction. This gun needed a bit of a charge but when it fired it went through walls, destroying them on the way and meant instant death to all who came in contact with it. I spent hours setting multiple enemies up with the thermal imaging so that I could take out several with one shot. Awesome fun.
  3. Plastic Bag from Manhunt. Words cannot describe (just ask my therapist) how awesome I felt when I learned, from a friend, that it was possible to play a video game where you killed enemies with nothing but a plastic bag. I actually scared myself a little with how much the idea appealed to me. Don’t worry though, the fear soon turned to overwhelming glee when that CCTV-inspired murder animation kicked in.
  4. Line Gun from Dead Space. Fires a wide plasma beam that removes both legs from any stubbornly-surviving necromorphs. If you’re good (I’m not) or lucky (once or twice) you can remove the legs of several assailants at once. Which is nice.
  5. Shrink Ray from Duke Nukem 3D. This gun made your enemies tiny which in turn made them easier to stamp on. Personally I never finished the deed without plenty of laughing at the tiny little enemies running aimlessly about, trying to avoid the Duke’s combat boot.
  6. BFG9000 from Doom. This is a family website and we might have kids reading so I’ll just tell you that the “B” stands for “Big” and the “G” stands for “Gun”. The “F” stands for exactly what you think it does. A weapon from the days when video games developers didn’t give any thoughts to ratings, early-teen sales or media backlashes. It fired a huge green blob which killed everyone you could see, like a man with bird flu sneezing…
  7. Crowbar from Half Life. I know, it’s a melee weapon, a blunt instrument used to one-hit kill when you’ve run out of ammo for your proper guns. It symbolises the game it features in more than any other weapon in any other game though so it had to be on my list. Valve even showed themselves to be ironically aware of the symbolic nature of their crowbar when they made special reference to you acquiring it in Half Life 2.
  8. Pac-Man’s big white pill. Not instantly identifiable as a weapon but think about it for a moment. You live in fear of the ghost-like monsters that hunt him. Constantly on the run, never stopping, always eyeing escape routes. Until you eat the pill. Then those monsters are harmless. In fact, they run from you! The big white pill is perhaps the most powerful weapon in any video game ever.
  9. Fat Man from Fallout 3. Named (somewhat distastefully) after the nuclear bomb the US dropped on Nagasaki in 1945, it looks and works just like a shoulder-mounted rocket-launcher but those are not just small payload RPGs you’re firing. Those are mini nuclear warheads. Strong enough to kill just about anything without needing to worry about reload times, these little beauties even give you a little mushroom cloud whilst you savour your moment.
  10. Yoshi from the Mario games. Another one you might not immediately think of as a weapon but hear me out. You know the enemies, the things in Mario that kill you if you touch them with anything other than the sole of your shoe? Well, Yoshi eats those mother-effers and spits the shells at anybody who has a problem with it. He only does it when you command though, he’s not a maniac, just a highly effective killing machine.
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