Taking Things Literally

In the discussion regarding the Heavy Rain box art, TSA member MF6465 commented that “most games are named after what’s in the game, like Killzone, you kill” and was slightly confused by the title Heavy Rain. This has inspired me to think – what if we took the name game literally?

Braid – An augmented reality Playstation Network Download. The game uses the PS Eye camera to show you on screen standing behind a virtual girl with long hair. By moving your hands and arms around you can plait and braid her hair. Points are awarded for speed, style and the use of ribbons. Soon to be available for Natal.

Pure – The player assumes the role of a drugs expert and is given ten virtual samples of cocaine. Use the Sixaxis to run pharmaceutical comparisons (remember to wave the controller in a slow circular motion to blend the chemicals!) and discover which is ‘Pure’.

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FIFA 10 – A game for ten players in which one of them visits a virtual Alton Towers and asks how much it would cost for all of them to visit.

Warhawk – Early 20th century bird of prey sim. Take control of Hitlers pet Hawk and swoop across the skies of Britain. Your mission is to hunt down the many carrier pigeons used by the British army to convey top secrets messages. Will you be able to intercept and eat these British sky-rats in time? The Fuhrer depends on you, Warhawk!

Tom Clancy’s Ghost Recon 4 – Play as Tom Clancy and explore a dark and spooky haunted house on Halloween. The aim is to capture four ghostly spectres on film before the end of the night. Two player on-line co-op is available with the second player taking the character of Yvette Fielding. A special celebrity edition of the game will be released next year, ‘Tom Clancy’s Ghost Recon with Girls Aloud’.

James Cameron’s Avatar: The Game – You are James Cameron’s Wii-Mii and spend 99% of the time not doing anything as he’s busy making movies.

Streetfighter IV – Taking place on a cold an rainy Saturday night in Bradford you play Chardonnay, a sixteen year old single mum out in the town. Set outside the Roxy discotheque to a soundtrack of thumping chav-electro the game starts when Chardonnay, a little worse for wear, discovers Cheryl checking out her fake Lamboutins. After much screaming of “You slag!” the fight ensues. Aimed at the Japanese market as aggressive fighting will make the characters knickers fall off or jiggle their breasts out of their halter tops. A cheat mode where you buy Chardonnay a kebab and let her have the last puff of your ciggie will also remove most of her clothes.

Quantum Theory – Set in 1900, play as physicist Max Planck and discover the reason that radiation from a glowing body changes in colour from red, to orange, and, finally, to blue as its temperature rises. A collectable ‘Special Edition’ will be exclusive to HMV and features the soundtrack on CD, art book and lead lined box with a dead cat inside.

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