Meet the Reader: theberzerka

Everybody loves The Little Man.

Hello, and welcome to another Meet the Reader. This week I sat down with theberzerka, with frequent appearances from his little man. That is not a euphemism.

It’s another long one for you, again. (That is a euphemism)

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I always forget that you have the name of a totally badass cowboy. Hello!

Hello, I am a badass cowboy!

Hence the name!

Indeed. You should see what I wear on a weekend!

Do you cross dress? Are you “Kitty Johnston”?

I have been known to be partial to woman’s clothing.

I prefer Kitania. It’s more Mortal Kombat.

You know, we might as well just have all this at the start of the interview.

I’m fully aware that this will make the cut. I have no shame.

Life’s no fun if you have shame. Shame is for shameful people. So, for the people that can’t see your name in my Skype window (everyone), who are you, how old are you, and where do you come from?

I am Kit Johnston, I’m 25 and I come from the sunny seaside town of Cleethorpes.

Cleethorpes sounds like a magical place. Either that, or a particularly jokey STD.

It’s not magical and you could probably catch that here.

I’m being harassed by the little man. He’s attaching pompoms to me.

He’s dressing you up like a cheerleader?

Sort of. He’s weird, like me.

So, does he dress up like a little girl, when you’re in drag too? Do you go shopping like this?

I’m waiting until he’s older to let him in on my secrets. I am starting to think it’s genetic though.

It’s the repression. The harder you try to hide it, the more obvious and subliminal it becomes.

True. Children do have a sixth sense. Pretty sure Hayley Joel Osmond dresses like a girl too.

I had to look him up, but now I’m kind of scared. Why do all child actors grow up weird looking?

Have I gone too weird too early?

Not if you have somewhere weirder to go. I wouldn’t want you to have peaked this soon, but I’m sure we can crescendo again later on.

I have plenty more weird up my sleeve.

Awesome! I do feel we should try and head back to my list of questions, though… We all know you as ‘theberzerka’ on TSA, but how did you decide on this ID?

Right proper question. Hmmm, it all started when I was younger and needed an email address, I’m useless at choosing anything so I flicked through a metal hammer magazine and came across a poster for The Berzerker. That was already taken so I adapted the spelling and I’ve used it for everything ever since.

Oh, I hate choosing things. It’s totally the worst. How did you first get into gaming?

My older sister had a Commodore 64 that I used to mess about with. I would have to say that it was probably my stepfather and his mates that got me into it properly though.

That’s interesting. Did your sister play games too? What was your first real console of your own?

I’m not sure what she did with it really. I think it may have been a fad at the time. I do remember that she used to play Gilbert on it, which was a massive green bogey that you controlled. My first console was probably the MegaDrive.

The more pressing question, though, is whether you borrowed your sister’s clothes?

She did trick me into putting her clothes on, quite often. Those memories need to be pushed back down.

The truth will out, always! So, you were a Sega boy, then? Was it all Sonic and playground fights with Nintendo fans?

I wasn’t really a fanboy as my younger sister had a SNES, so I had the best of both worlds.

That’s cool. So, how did you get from there to where you are now with a PS3 and whatever else you own?

I’m not sure how I got here you’re the one with the black bag over my head, you tell me!

I guess I worded that poorly…

To actually answer the question, I went from MegaDrive, PS1, PS2 and finally the PS3. Oh, and I have a Wii.

So straight onto the PlayStation brand, and you stuck with it. Was the Wii mainly thought of for the little man?

I do like the Playstation brand, it’s the controller that just works for me.

No the Wii was totally mine. Think I got it before he was born. It was new and shiny and I totally fell for the hype. It now sits in the corner, and even the little man snubs his nose up at it in favour for the PS3.

It does have some cracking games on it, though. What does the little man play instead, then?

Yes it does. Every now and then it gets played with. I liked Little King’s Story. The little man enjoys MotorStorm Apocalypse and Burnout Paradise. He’s very much into car games. He prefers to crash though.

All the games with big crashes and arcade fun, then? The kid’s got taste.

Definitely. I like to think I had an affect on his taste. He often tells me that he wants to watch me get trophies. He’s even more satisfied with that little ‘ping’ noise than me!

He’s going to have some very strange fetishes when he grows up…

That’s not the worst thing he likes. Fetishes indeed.

Socks? Terminator: Salvation?

He wants you to know that he loves you. He’s very adamant that this has been said. As for his weird fetish, I’ll leave it as socks. I don’t want a knock at my door from social services thank you.

Well, he also stated that I smell of wee, once.

Don’t forget poo also.

Did he say I smell of poo? I didn’t remember that… I’m hurt.

It’s ok though as now he loves you and wants to know you feel the same way.

Oh, it’s impossible not to love him. He brightened every MS:A meet where he was happily bouncing around watching you race.

Not sure what’s going on here but I feel weird being the middle man. Do you two want to carry on without me?

No, no. This is your interview, after all.

Thank god for that. I was starting to feel left out.

Well, maybe we should bring it back to talking about you, then? What’s your favourite game of all time?

ToeJam Earl in Panic on Funkotron.

Dammit. In my hasty response I missed the ‘and’.

Well, I’m glad I’ve finally got someone who has a firm favourite game! I usually get wishy-washy requests for more than one game!

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46 Comments

  1. Read this earlier, great as usual.

    • I read that as, greater than usual. Cheers.

  2. It’s great to see that you are introducing your Son to gaming in responsible and sensible parental way, although some of the characters that you frequent with online are a bit dubious. :P
    Just kidding, I think that you’re doing an awesome job especially juggling/combining gaming and parenting time ;)

    • Thanks. I try not to use it as a babysitter. It’s more a bribery tool to make him do homework and eat his vegetables!

  3. Really funny read :)

    • Cheers. Half that is tefs crazy. Wouldn’t want to steal all the mentalness.

      • haha, he is crazy, but in an evil way too…:P

  4. Nice read mate!.As Your PSN status read….Enjoy Your 15 Minutes Of Fame

    • I’m enjoying it. Currently I’m strutting my stuff round the house whilst treating people like slaves because I’m all famous and stuff.

  5. Well funny.

  6. Wonderful, yet slightly disturbing and crazy read! Great to meet you!

    Great to hear your son gets involved with the gaming, I can’t wait to do that with mine! Sounds like yours is already integrating into the TSA community, you could be the first father-to-son members.

    And Tef, what’s wrong with Terminator Salvation, I quite enjoyed it! :p

    • Yeah terminator is alright. Not worth £40 but £5 in the bargain bin was more than worth it. TSA is my escape he’s not allowed to take over yet.

      • Agreed, £4.98 was a fair price! Very true, you always need an escape!

        And I was surprised you didn’t prefer the original TJ&E, I wasn’t a fan of the 2D one myself :)

      • I did enjoy the original but panic edged it for me. The rapping mini games were ace.

  7. Great Read mate.

  8. That was an entertaining read but I’ve always thought of the berserker in Erik the Viking when i saw your name. :P

    • I can be anything you want ;)

  9. Awesome read, nice n crazy just like I expected. Much appreciation for the mentions … and tell the wee man that he’s awesome.

    • That’s quite alright. I’ve let the little man know, his response was ‘what’s wee mean’ a short explanation later and he says thank you.

  10. very funny read!
    and nice to know more about u Kit =D
    think it’s going to be hard to hide ur dark secrets from the little man! they are smarter than we think, they will take over the world someday!*thinking of Stewie in family guy* :P

    • Yes I find it hard enough bottling my crazy up and he just brings it out of me. Oh well me and him can be crazy together :)

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