As I promised you all last week, this will be the last Meet the Reader! So what better way to ease the pain than by handing over to another audio interview featuring Bunimomike.
But with a twist! That’s right, rather than have Bunimomike interview some hapless young Dutch girl, we’re going to have some hapless young Dutch girl interview Mike! As always, I’ve put in the effort to transcribe this, for those of you who would rather read, but for the full experience, you really should listen and sing along.[drop2]
Hello, and welcome to another Meet the Reader. I’m Hannypoppie, and I’ll be interviewing someone we all know and love, hopefully, it’s the elusive Mr. Bunimomike.
Oh, I’m elusive because of you. You can’t just start hurling monkey poo.
I can! I’m the interviewer, so I can say what I want!
I don’t like this. We’ve given you too much power and control already!
So, I’ve actually got questions prepared for you, so we’re not just going to fool around this time. There’s a proper structure! Mr. Bunimomike, who are you, how old are you and where do you come from?
Well, most people on TSA know that I’m Mike, but they call me Bunimomike, because we have a moderator who’s also Mike and he got here first. I’m 39, which is bloody old, and I come from… um… I can’t make a mum joke, so, right, Cardiff, no Wales, Swansea, Mumbles. A little village called Mumbles.
Have you made up your mind yet?
Mumbles, which is French for breasts, I believe, because the two hills are big bumps.
That explains a lot about you.
Yeah, so Wales basically. Me and two cousins in a cave. Next please!
So now that we know your name is Mike, where did your screen name come from?
Oh, this is just so boooring! I’d had enough of typing stuff in, so if you look at “bunimo”, you can type it in really fast. Someone else figured that out, and started copying me on a few key sites, so I just tacked on “mike” at the end, and it’s been a good user name for me.
That’s so unoriginal! I’d expected something awesome, like you terrify bunnies, or something like that.
It could be that. We could go to rabbit abuse?
I know you don’t like dogs, but rabbits?
No, no. It’s super boring, but just so easy and quick to type in. I’m going to be dead soon, so I’ve got to be able to type user names in quickly to make every moment count!
I just want to let you know, listeners, that Han is all of 20 foot away in my apartment, so I’m actually going to kill her after this, and we’ll continue recording so you can hear.
I’m still safe!
You’re not safe, you’re in my bedroom. No safety to be had there at all!
I’ve been here for four weeks now! Can I go out soon?
Oh, Mike, you told me it wouldn’t be inappropriate and you’ve just turned it all… OK, next question, how did you first get into gaming?
When I was young, I had an accident, and had my legs broken by a bus. So then I gamed for a year while I recovered…
I don’t believe you.
I wouldn’t believe that for a moment! I can’t outdo Phill, because his sister had cancer, so where do I go?
No, you can’t go for the sympathy vote at all.
I killed my family and when I got locked up… um…
OK, lets think. Eldest brother. I’m one of three boys, and I’m the youngest, quietest and smallest, obviously, whilst my eldest brother got into computers and computer science and games quite a bit. So we had a ZX81, and it was a beast. No, not really.
It had, like 2 gigabytes, and was awesome?
Oh, bless your heart for saying that! It had 1… kilobyte of memory, and my brother bought a extra 1 kilobyte expansion pack, which was the size of a big Galaxy bar of chocolate.
I feel so young!
It was so, massive. Can I say that online, cleanly? My brother programmed in a game for it, and it was like a Tyrannosaurus Rex chasing you around a maze. Someone else might remember this game, but it was so scary, even though the pixels were the size of chubby hands, it was still scary.
That was it then, and we moved on to other computers. Once we hit the Amiga, then that was really when the home gaming scene came along.
So, to be friends with your brother you decided to also play games?
He blew his entire student loan on an Amiga 1000, with 5 meg of memory, which was just unheard of and cost about a grand. We just had this awesome games machine, even though he was trying to do his degree on it, or whatever it was at the time.
It was lovely, and I must say I’ve met some good friends through gaming aswell. Nearly always lovely people.
Oh you meet lovely people everywhere. I know you, you talk to everyone.
I am a little bit promiscuous, yeah. Anyway, enough of the potted history, because that will take forever.
So, because we’re talking about games anyway, what have you been playing recently?
Well this is lovely, because this isn’t like the old podcasts I used to do, where I’d just bang on about Left 4 Dead all the time. I don’t touch that anymore, but I have been playing a MOBA game, or whatever the acronym is, League of Legends. MOBA is a Multiplayer Online Battle Arena, or something?
So yeah, we’ve been introduced to that. Who introduced us to that, again, Han?
Um, I don’t remember. Adam or Phill, maybe? AG-loadsanumbers and Phillis The Wonderboy.
Phill is… Phillis… I like that.
So we’ve been playing LoL a lot recently. It’s not really my genre, but I’ve been enjoying the characters a lot.
Haven’t you been playing another game that reminds you of the past a lot?
Yes, because I’m going to be dead soon, so I’ve been looking to the past, and I’ve been playing Legend of Grimrock, which is an old-school dungeon crawler, like the Amiga classics, or around about then, Dungeon Master and Eye of The Beholder. These wonderful classic dungeon crawlers, where you would step forward a meter at a time, and only turn in 90º, with no transitions at all, you’d just snap 90º.
So what would happen was you’d have the bejesus scared out of you, because you’d go up a corridor, turn right and suddenly there’s an 8-foot spider ready to tear your eyes out and spread silk into you ocular cavities. So pretty scary stuff!
We all know how much you like spiders.
Yeah. No. I like spiders almost as much as I like Mick Hucknall, and he’s just terrible. I must tell you about him soon.
Tell me about him now!
He’s awful. No. No no no. I won’t, it’d just be 12 minutes of ranting.
Oh wow, OK. Lets move on to, and I really want to know this, what’s the most embarrassing game you’ve ever played?
Um, I hate to say it, but I think I’ve avoided almost all the embarrassing games. I’m not the typical TSA hardcore gamer, so that makes me more of an enthusiast, and will only play lovely games I like. If I don’t like that type of game, I won’t touch it.
But it could be a game that other people think is quite bad, or something for kids and you really enjoyed it?
Hide the sausage? That’s a good game. No, but video games I, um… Oh, I remember trying the Leisure Suit Larry games, when I was younger. They were terrible. Just awful, but of course I didn’t carry on playing them. I just played it a bit and was, like, “Oh my good God.”
Oh, wow! Hang on! I’ve played a game called The Sex Olympics! It’s not a game that you buy, it’s actually a game made by someone who had four animated gifs, and you basically had to wiggle a joystick as quickly as possibly to make the gifs animate as quickly as possible. I won’t, obviously, explain what was in each animated gif, but it wasn’t fit for prime time television.
Oh, I can guess. How old were you?
I don’t, probably in my teenage years? That makes sense.
Another terrible game was called something like The Paralympics, and it was terribly tasteless. One game you had a man in a wheelchair, and you’d waggle the joystick so he’d ride down a hill and then hit a stone and fly the body as far through the air before face-planting into the pavement!
It was just awfully tasteless. Not something you’d buy… Can we change to a different topic, please? Like crochet?
Why? I’m having fun! Oh alright.