Meet the Reader: KAMIKAZE-UK

This was probably the silliest Meet the Reader I’ve ever done. So with that in mind, I’m giving you even more silliness. You have a preamble, you have a break in the middle, and you have what happened after we’d actually finished…. It’s a long one.

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The Preamble

KAMIKIAZE-UK is online, or however you spell my name.

Hellooo! Nice to meet you, KAMIKIAZE. Haha.

You too Steflon. Do you mind me calling you Steflon?

No. It’s stupid and crappy, but I’m really not fussed by the foolish actions of others.

In the words of a guy I’ve just met, “Bah”.

By pursuing such non-plussed, gently derogatory attitudes, I generally find people give up after a while. Is Drogba a Pokémon? Drog. Drog drog! Ba!

You’ve just met me right? People who know me better, know better.

Did drog. Didi-ba!

Let me know when we are starting anyways, I’ll be more serious.

Oh no, this is already rolling, I think. I’m tempted to ask you all questions, as though I were a Didier Drogba Pokémon.

*serious face* Hey Teffers, nice to meet you.

Yeah, Teffers is my favourite…

I know nothing about Pokémon, so it’ll be pants. Come on Tefster, let’s get going.

Well, the first thing to know about Pokémon is that they can only say their name. Oh, fine! So pushy!

KAMIKAZE by name etc.

The Interview

Who are you, how old are you and where do you come from?

My name is Jason, I am 29 years young and I come from Swindon. The Olympic torch bearing Swindon, for today only.

Did you have fun at the Olympic torching? Who was the person grabbing their 15 minutes of fame?

Nope. I have no idea, I tweeted a picture of the guy who looked like any other random guy.

Biggest anti-climax I’ve witnessed since the wife and I… wait, I mustn’t say things like this. I stayed because of the occasion, but it wasn’t worth it.

Haha. I hadn’t seen the photo. He doesn’t look anything like Drogba!

He’s an almost perfect exact opposite.

Crazy. So, would you go again, if it passed through your town? Is Swindon a city or a town? What’s the line between the two, anyway? Do you sometimes wish you were in Sweden, and not Swindon?

I’m full of questions today. All about Swindon.

Only if the sun was out like it was, it was gorgeous. I was chatting to my Brother and Sister-in-law, so it wasn’t like I was billy no mates.

I’ll wait until you’ve finished, and then answer them all at once – carry on.

Can you get Drogba masks in Swindon? Where is Swindon? Now I’m done, I think.

Town. Don’t know. Never. Drogba masks, you’d make a killing, there’s so many plastic fans in Swindon. You think you know a Chelsea fan and the next time you see him, he’s got a Man City shirt on! We are down the M4, 90 minutes West of the capital.

Huh… I now feel I know a lot more about Swindon. Thanks!

You know nothing, have you seen our magic roundabout?

There’s a magic roundabout? I’m looking up train times right now!

I thought that would grab your attention. You’re completing this chat live are you? You scare me a little.

Dear god, that’s the most beautiful abomination of a junction I’ve ever seen.

It works well.

Is there a big speaker system in the middle just pumping out The Magic Roundabout‘s theme tune? I imagine it only works because everyone is so utterly afraid of it.

It’s a little like sex, everyone is scared the first time and the more you go round it, the more mundane it gets. My wife will love me for that.

Does she read TSA?

I regret telling her I’m doing this.

Oops. So, first the anti-climax thing, then this…. Do you have a death wish, or something? Ha! Speaking of which, where exactly did your PSN ID come from?

That segue was beautiful.

I’ve had it 21 years, just before Kamokazi came on the scene, so it’s mine!

Only kidding. About ten years ago, I was asked to join some friends on Counter Strike and I needed a name. Symbols in a strong word were all the rage, so I became [email protected]@ZE. The PSN does not support symbols…

So how come you’re not KATMIKATZE?

I get it, but it just doesn’t read right. Clever dick, haha.

Fair enough, I guess. Were you into gaming before Counter Strike?

My gaming began as a small boy, I was a brought up on SEGA. I didn’t own anything Nintendo until the Game Boy.

I received a Gameboy Advance SP through the post this morning, actually. I’m returning to my childhood with eBay’s help.

Did you get into many playground fights, defending Sonic’s honour?

No, but I got a Game Boy because another boy brought his in to school and I was incredibly jealous.

How long did it take to win the parents over?

Not long, I’ve always been spoilt.

I’m sure the same can be said of many a Swindoner. Is that the term for someone of Swindon?

We are Swindonians. Apparently.

Is this according to Google? Or did you just ask someone.

I added the ‘apparently’, because I don’t necessarily agree.

If you could have it your way, what would it be?

Swindonut?

Hmmm. Yeah, I can see that. It’s certainly different.

Alright, so Sega boy turned Nintendo-nut, but both of these companies had trying times at the turn of the millennium. How did you end up on the PlayStation brand? Are you still able to spoil yourself and have ALL the consoles?

May I just interject and say how wonderfully beautiful my wife is? She is simply amazing and I have no reason to tell you this, but I feel like it needs to be said. Love you honey.

Can we have pictures?

Of me grovelling or… ?

Of the two of you, from happier times, before you were in the dog house for saying ill advised things.

If one existed mate. Not that we weren’t ever happy of course, she just doesn’t like her photo taken.

Still, back on course.

Yes. I’m feeling rather tangential today.

From the Master System and Mega Drive I went to N64 and the PlayStation 1, PS2, PC and now PS3.

I felt like I was missing out. I had an N64 but everyone had a PS1. I had to join the crowd and I’ve been a fan of Sony’s consoles since.

What was it that really grabbed you?

It’s popularity. The N64 didn’t cater for my maturing gaming desires. Resident Evil wasn’t showcased on the N64 for example.

It had Mario 64 and Mario Kart but that wasn’t enough the older I got.