News Snatch: Lightning Returns And GTAV Problems

Extra Cheesboard Shark II: Gold Spoon


We’re back to normal for a few days before EGX kicks off but the Tokyo Game Show weirdness lingers on, not least in a new trailer for Ace Combat Infinity which explains the story. Meteors, apparently.


It has been revealed that Penguin paid a substantial six figure sum for the rights to publish the official guide to Grand Theft Auto V.

Staying in the world of books, there are no less than three new Minecraft titles being published by Egmont.


Obvious news doo doo doo doo do-do, obvious news doo doo doo doo do-do, OBVIOUS! NEWS! Newsthatisobvious! A-bing-bong-bing-bong…

Small studios are struggling as games cost so much to make, says Infinity Ward bloke.



Lightning Returns: Final Fantasy 13 has over 80 different costumes for the titular hero, including one that makes her look like Aeris from FFVII and Yuna from FFX.


There are some reports of Grand Theft Auto V not working too well on older Xbox 360 consoles.

It may be that there is a genuine problem, or maybe it’s just that everyone in the world is playing GTAV and therefore more occurrences of minor problems are being reported. Whatever it is, Microsoft have suggested the following solution.

  1. Delete all GTA 5 game data.
  2. Clear system cache three times.
  3. Delete marketplace data from storage system items.
  4. Scaramouch, scaramouch will you do the fandango
  5. Unplug console for three minutes.
  6. Install disc 1.
  7. Thunderbolt and lightning – very very frightening, me!
  8. Power off, do not insert disc 2.
  9. Gallileo, Gallileo
  10. Restart.
  11. Gallileo, Gallileo
  12. Install disc 2.
  13. Gallileo Figaro – magnifico!
  14. Play.


Microsft have revealed that over 40% of people who use Xbox Live regularly are – gasp – women!

To celebrate* that Xbox Live  is now almost equally used by ladies and men Microsoft have released a trailer for Killer Instinct that reveals the fighter Sadira who wears thigh-high kinky boots and no pants.

*Not really


Hyperdimension Neptunia Re; Birth 2 has been announced for PS Vita. I have no idea what that is but it has inspired me to create this “Make your own Japanese game title” generator.



And Finally, it’s back to Lightning Returns: Final Fantasy 13 for an extended version of the Tokyo Game Show trailer.

17 Comments

  1. Chipotle Universe Shark V4 – Dark Spoon.

    Amazing.

    • The dark spoon adds a touch of mystery! I like it

    • I instinctively went with Chipotle Dimension Shark V4: Beige Spoon.
      10/10 – would not play again!

  2. Mega Lemur Slayer-1 -Beige Puppy

    I would pay for that title

    • I went for Mega Lemur Slayer XV; Beige Puppy, what are the chances! Good snatch, as usual.

  3. Super Cheeseboard Slayer -1 : Beige Puppy
    Now that’s a game I would play!

  4. Extra Cheeseboard Manga MMXIII – Blood Breath

  5. My PS3 version of GTA is having issues as well. It keeps crashing/failing to load sections during play which has left it impossible to even complete the first mission. Very frustrating.

    It seems the game has problems with older HDDs and BD drives, so this may be the first game my PS3 is just unable to play.

  6. I’m loving GTA V, I just wish they made it so you didn’t need to be signed into Rockstar’s network just to take a bloody photo :/

    Oh, and Super Cheeseboard MangaV4: Blood Breath.

  7. Wipe the cache three times? Why? Does it just randomly delete some bits each time?
    Strange instruction.

  8. Mega Cheeseboard Slayer XV: Biege Puppy.

  9. So it’s not just me who can’t take a photo (& save it) in GTA then?

    I have been able to take one for the mission where it was required, but my lovely holiday snaps from the beach were just no good & lost forever (well, until i decide to go back to the beach & take some more at least!).

    However, the random occasion when i caught an SUV humping another SUV is lost forever. :(

    • The first time i played it, i played offline. It would allow me to take a photo but not save it because i wasn’t signed in. Then when i was signed in it wouldn’t even take a photo because Rockstar’s server seems to be down.
      I ran over a deer and by chance it landed in the back of my pickup truck. A perfect photo opportunity but i had to reach for my Vita to take a screenshot, not ideal. :/

  10. I plan to use titular in proper context three times today. Love the GTA V troubleshooting instructions. 6a. Percussion maintenance maybe needed also (a good slap on the side of the console with disc 1 is inserted).

    • Titualr is a fab word, mostly because you can say tit and not get slapped.

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