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News Snatch: Hitman, Destiny, Nier, E3 1995, And A Titanfall 2 Rant

Warner Bros. tease us

Hello Snatchlings, more news and stupid videos from the back of the internet then, although this week start on a more serious tone with a trailer for a documentary about the drug trade in South America. Ubisoft have made the film to “showcase the real stories behind Tom Clancy’s Ghost Recon Wildlands’ fictional Bolivian setting.” The doc is out March 6th, presumably it will be on YouTube.

The Resident Evil movie series is going to end on a high as the final movie, which is already out in Japan, has pushed the franchise over $1 billion box office mark. The movie is out in the UK this Friday and I shall be grabbing a bucket of popcorn and enjoying the silly nonsense.

For some reason this video of someone using a touch screen was deemed news on certain websites. Yes, it’s Nintendo Switch, but if you don’t know how a touch screen works by now then you probably won’t be buying a Switch.

Warner Bros are teasing something. This is from the French Twitter feed which explains why the use the word “Mars”, but then, the main text is in English. Is Mars a hint? Is that a top down view of a Martian landscape hiding behind the logo?

There again, the colouring and lettering just screams Batman, so it might be that. Or Shadow Of Mordor 2.

Bioware are laucnhing a new IP next year. “In 2012, we began crafting a new universe full of new characters, stories, and gameplay,” explains a blog post. “Our ambition is simple: Draw upon 20+ years of development knowledge and lessons to create something fun and new for you to enjoy with your friends.”

“There’s nothing quite as exciting as building a new IP from scratch, and it will be even more thrilling for us to share more with you in the future.”

This rather wobbly video is from the very first E3 way back in 1995 when some of you weren’t even born. It includes all three Keynote addresses from Sega, Sony and Nintendo, as well as footage from the show floor. There’s also some footage of the first VR headset, Virtuality!

Things that are possible: You winning the lottery. A tornado made of sharks. A remaster of Nier. Responding to a question from a fan Producer Yosuke Saito said that “there is a very high possibility if Nier: Automata sells like hotcakes, yes.”

And now, a little rant. I love Titanfall 2, I play it almost every day, it’s a great shooter apart from one small thing. The main story contains a number strong female characters, all appropriately dressed, and you can also play as female combatants in multiplayer, tastefully covered in combat armour. In the world of Titanfall 2, females and males are treated equally. Excellent. Good stuff, as it should be.

That is, until we get to the banners you can use in multiplayer.

Now as you are probably aware I have no problems with T&A in a game, and we regularly feature games which are mostly about improbable boobs, but Titanfall has built a universe where both sexes are clearly equally, early in the game you meet Militia Titan Corps Cmdr. Sarah Briggs.

These images, which are clearly sexual, make no sense in world where both sexes are equal. Either they should not be there at all, or there should be some male totty dressed in a jockstrap, bent over a massive cannon, for Militia Titan Corps Cmdr. Sarah Briggs.

There’s something new coming to Destiny, it might even be for Destiny 2, all we know is that Amazon have listed some Mega Bloks kits based on the title and one them describes something that has yet to happen in-game

Cabal Bruiser Battle Building Set – Buildable hangar platform
Set the scene for a clash between a Bruiser’s crushing strength and a master swordsman’s skill
A legendary warrior faces his greatest contest yet in the Tower hangar
Wielding his Raze-Lighter, hero of the Crucible Lord Shaxx prepares to pit his blade against the furious cleavers of a Cabal Red Guard

And Finally, a silly video to announce the physical release of Hitman. Stay to the very end for the (NSFW) best bit.

Sneaky Update: I made this from the Nintendo Switch trailer. Arf :)

  1. Avenger
    Since: Oct 2012

    Ha, the end of that hitman video was funny, never heard of them ever being mixed up.

    I’ve only just jumped into TF2, and I did think some of the banners were horrendously out of place. That said, you’ve alluded to the politics of representing gender, and you’ve done it with a video game. The anti-political correctness group have been alerted, and torture is likely :p

    Comment posted on 01/02/2017 at 12:22.
    • Tuffcub
      On the naughty step.
      Since: Dec 2008

      I hoped I’m quite clear on this – it’s not political correctness. If I were politically correct News Snatch wouldn’t regularly feature videos with HUGE BOUNCING BOOBS.

      It’s just not LOGICAL for these images to be in the game. No explanation other than the devs are just a bit sad and put semi clothe ladies in their game for titillation. As you said, they are horrendously out of place.

      Comment posted on 01/02/2017 at 12:44.
      • ron_mcphatty
        Since: Sep 2008

        Unless the developers are just using a bit of fan art they liked? Regardless of the T&A outrage or out-of-placeness it would be pretty cool for fans to have their doodles in games.

        Comment posted on 01/02/2017 at 14:37.
      • Avenger
        Since: Oct 2012

        Chill, it was a joke.

        I think we both know the images aren’t about making sense in Titanfall’s world, but making sense in this world to a very specific group of poeple, probably led by Steven.

        Comment posted on 01/02/2017 at 14:43.
      • Tuffcub
        On the naughty step.
        Since: Dec 2008


        Comment posted on 01/02/2017 at 15:00.
  2. tactical20
    Since: May 2010

    Blokey from EA tweeted #skate4 the other day apparently.

    Comment posted on 01/02/2017 at 13:44.
    • Tuffcub
      On the naughty step.
      Since: Dec 2008

      And EA have said they are not doing Skate 4. WHich is why we never reported it. Bloke tweets something is not news, we don’t do click bait unlike certain other sites.

      Comment posted on 01/02/2017 at 14:03.
      • tactical20
        Since: May 2010

        This was the EA Community Manager, not just a random bloke. And considering every comment on everything EA has posted on social media for the last 12 months has been ‘Skate 4’, it was kind of a big thing.

        Also, TSA posts loads of spurious articles based on random tweets. No need to be a dick about it. ?

        Comment posted on 01/02/2017 at 15:28.
      • Tuffcub
        On the naughty step.
        Since: Dec 2008

        Yes but all he tweeted was the name. Nothing more. There was no story. Might as well have tweeted Ed Balls :)

        Comment posted on 01/02/2017 at 16:58.
      • tactical20
        Since: May 2010

        He tweeted what everyone had been commenting for the last year on every EA post. It’s no surprise the Internet jumped on it and considered it news worthy. The fact EA have now said it’s still not in development is a bigger surprise imo.

        Comment posted on 01/02/2017 at 18:01.
  3. The Lone Steven
    Never heard of him.
    Since: May 2010

    Ah, yes, the “Final Chapter.” My arse. Apparently, there is a TV show planned on the adventures of Alice the Mary Sue and they did a huge retcon along with the already non-sensical plot being even more stupid. Wasted it’s Wesker and fails to deliever on the promise(implied by the cliffhanger) of the last film. It is said to be the worst film of the bunch due to the editing being very hyper and well, if you’re a resident evil fan, it will most likely piss thy off.

    Feck Anderson! Feck his writing and feck the live action films!

    Could sworn that Tom Clancy’s Wildlands was released last year. There’s so many of these games, I don’t know which is which if i’m honest.

    Nintendo, did you real… *Remembers that they did a video on how to play Mario a few years back, i think* right, It’s Nintendo.

    I am doubtful it’s Batman or at least, an Arkhamverse one due to that franchise being over and Rocksteady working on other stuff. It’s not Shadow of Mordor as Mars doesn’t quite fit into it. The only game that I can think of that is related to Mars is Red Faction but WB doesn’t own the rights.

    Bioware doing a new IP. I hope it’s not the ME/DA team also working on it as they need to focus on ME:A. I do think it’ll be their other teams(assuming that they have teams for certain projects) that will handle it. Though, if it’s FetchQuest:The Revenge of FetchQuesting, I will be disappointed.

    Destiny 2 was kinda announced years ago as part of the decade long support or implied that a sequel was happening. I don’t know, it’s Bungie. Sequels usually happen.

    Comment posted on 01/02/2017 at 17:49.
  4. Starman
    Since: Jul 2011

    The titanfall 2 banners with the ladies are harking back to the old pin-up art that used to be painted on the side of airplanes. I think it’s just a continuation of it in their titanfall universe. There are a few bare chested males doing manly poses banners too.

    Btw I can’t believe you’ve not mentioned the floppy cocks in the Conan Exiles game. That’s right up your street!

    Comment posted on 01/02/2017 at 18:25.
    • Tuffcub
      On the naughty step.
      Since: Dec 2008

      There is one pic of a shirtless bloke. But he’s not waving his arse about, or the picture focusing on his manly thighs. Its not sexy.

      Comment posted on 01/02/2017 at 21:24.
  5. Tony Cawley
    Pint! Pint!
    Since: Feb 2009

    I happen to really like the Titanfall 2 banners. Leave them alone, you!

    Comment posted on 01/02/2017 at 18:48.
    Since: Sep 2012

    Some of those comments on YouTube about Ghost Recon:Wildlands are pretty funny,going on about it being downgraded.

    Comment posted on 01/02/2017 at 19:59.