Move aside KFConsole, away with your PlayStation symbols as Oxford Circus London Underground signs, a new dog is in town to help the launch of the PlayStation 5. That’s right, Greggs have released an exclusive ‘Greggs & PlayStation Launch Box’ packed full of unhealthy treats.
Since no gamer wants to depart from their brand new console (in addition to the other reasons for not going out right now), you can order online via Just Eat. It’s just darn nice that Sony and Greggs are letting us all joyously play into the stereotype of being fat nerdy gamers glued to screens with sticky doughnut fingers and beards full of crumbs. And yes, that’s for the ladies as well.
Consisting of either two meaty sausage or vegan sausage rolls, a sugar strand doughnut, a vegan glazed ring doughnut, and two drinks all for £5, this was hardly a deal to sniff at on launch day. Oh, and don’t forget the lavish laminated package it all came in, covered in branding which brings the swagger and the air of superior produce that you typically only find in Waitrose or M&S. There are just 50 limited edition boxes available at each Greggs offering the Launch Box, so you might’ve missed out by now, and getting this exclusive package gives the same delicious smugness that was shared by those of us who managed to cop a PS5 at launch.
Delivered to my door by a charming young man named Larry, the PlayStation Launch Box arrived steaming and ready for action on November 19th, the launch day of the console here in the UK. Tucking into its contents, the sausage rolls consisted of a crumbly buttery pastry that crunched between your fingers and left smears of grease over my new DualSense, whilst the flat white I’d ordered alongside a bottle of Lucozade had a bitter snap in the aftertaste and a severe lack of froth. It was reminiscent of a particularly poor macchiato I’d had in an East Soho coffee shop. I rather think Larry had got a bit side tracked and his late delivery led to a cold and lackluster froth. Poor show, Larry. No wonder I didn’t give you a tip.
The treats are a great accompaniment to gaming, but can also be a distraction. By the point I decided to devour one of the sumptuous sausage rolls, I was pillaging my way through a poorly built castle somewhere near Gloucester in Assassin’s Creed Valhalla. As I dispatched a charging berserker with a sickeningly bloody crunch of my axe, I needed to pause the action as the lingering waft of the delicately scented meat tempted me to devour the second sausage roll. I swiftly follow the meaty pastry with the whole bottle of Lucozade to feel the wash of victorious bravado just like Eivor after a drinking challenge. While it might have stayed my axe for a few moments, the rest of the castle fell beneath my vicious axe swings in a hazy, pastry-fuelled frenzy.
It’s at this point I charged forth straight into the glazed ring doughnut, delicately decorated with a smattering of icing that brings up fond memories of Jamie Oliver Christmas specials, and an exquisite fluffy texture that is gone within seconds. There’s less to say about the sugar strand doughnut; it’s half squashed from the delivery (damnit, Larry!) but falls deftly under my magnificent masticating moxie all the same. In moments I’m left sitting forlorn and covered in sugar, coming down from the combined bloodlust of massacring both the doughnuts and half of Gloucestershire.
As I sit here in these hazy post-launch PS5 days, I sometimes wonder about Larry. Did he know what he was delivering? The events that unfolded directly from his snacking intervention – his snacktervention if you will – and the impact he would have on my gaming. With the taste of a burnt flat white on my tongue, I reminisce on the bloody trail that I have blazed through the East of England, leaving both burning villages and doughnut crumbs in my wake.
Written by Andrew D from the TSA Destiny Clan