My Top Ten: Gaming Names
What, there's nothing weird about my name...Published 05/02/2010 at 14:00.
By Peter C [ColossalBlue].
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Sorry everyone, after last week’s excellent Guest Writer stand-in I’m back. This week I’ve been thinking about the names attached to certain things in our industry and how weird some of them are. You know, when you really think about it a lot of names don’t actually mean anything and some of them mean far too much. Here’s ten I came up with this morning but I know there are dozens more, what are your favourite weird names in gaming?
- Go! Puzzle – I understand; you’re excited about the prospect of a bit of a puzzle but there’s really no need for that exclamation mark. Go! Puzzle? No, I’d quite like to stay here and puzzle please.
- Dreamcast – I love Sega to bits thanks to the countless hours of joy I spent with a Mega Drive controller in my hands and my eyes glued to a big old TV. Dreamcast is a silly name though. Saturn was a bit silly but at least it sounded futuristic. Dreamcast sounds like some weird hippy rubbish which might involve crystals and weed. Luckily it was an awesome console. Shame it got discontinued.
- Anything named by Nintendo – I know, they’re still the biggest-hitters inthe console industry. I know they have an astonishing record for making great systems and games but let’s be honest: I could have filled this list with Nintendo products. “Entertainment System”and “Super Entertainment System” are cheesy and dry. N64 sounds like a codename that slipped out the door when nobody was looking. Gamecube sounds like it’s only a step above those V-Tech plug-in TV “consoles”. And then we have the Wii. What? Do you think it was just a joke to get people across the globe saying “I really want a Wii”?
- Microsoft Xbox (360) – Why? Regardless of how good the console(s) were or are; what does that actually mean? Presumably they might have been going for eXtreme, eXperimental, eXtra-terrestrial or even, imaginatively, eXtraneous but I like to think they wanted to make a case for carrying your Xylophone. And how about the 360? Great, base a console design around the fact that it can sit 2 ways by turning it 90 degrees and then call it 360 because… oh. You just didn’t want the Xbox 2 on shelves next to a PlayStation 3 did you Microsoft?
- PSP – Sony are guilty of this type of nomenclature more than anyone else. You can almost hear the meetings – “So, it’s a kind of PlayStation and it’s portable. Shall we just call it the, er… PlayStation Portable and then we can spend the afternoon in the pub instead of in this stuffy boardroom?”. It’s the same for a lot of PlayStation products. PlayStation Network and its movie service, the PlayStation Network Video Delivery Service are another prime example. Not Live and Netflix or Zune then? No brand, just a description? Alright.
- Any of those Wii Party games – pick one, I don’t care which, they’re all stupid. In fact, they’re all called “Wii Super Happy Go! Party Extreme: Deluxe Family Night Edition PLAY!” in my head.
- Sega’s Rez Trance Vibrator – This is one of my favourite pieces of video game history and it’s got a funny name so I can mention it again. Basically a little pod that plugged in to your PS2 to buzz and pulsate along with the visual stimulations in REZ. They actively encouraged gamers to sit on it too. A Trance Vibrator sounds like something lonely hypnotists might make use of.
- Heavy Rain – I was initially a bit sceptical about this game but I’ve warmed to it immensely and I’ve now got my pre-order in. I’m not bashing the game (pre-release) but that name is a bit weak. It’s a thriller, it’s got murder, action, intrigue and suspense. What shall we call it? I don’t know, let’s name it after some mildly inconvenient weather.
- GameStop – Alright, a place where I can stop and get games. Woo. I know that GAME is an even simpler retailer-name but the fact that GameStop is a cheeky letter-switch away from being the name of a huge, unrelated, website just edges it onto the list. I remember buying games in Electronics Boutique, that felt so luxurious in comparison to modern game-shopping. What next, a butcher’s shop called “Dead Animals. And sometimes milk and pickles.”? The madness needs to stop.
- The “Back” button on a 360 controller – I know, this is a bit specific but it’s also a personal bugbear of mine. Why is it called “Back”? It almost never actually takes me “back” to anything. It works like any other button and gets mapped to games in whichever way the developers want. I don’t even think it works as a “back” button on the Xbox’s dashboard. It’s silly. Although, thinking about it, “Select” is silly too. The “X” button selects (or circle if you’re Japanese) that little rubber square one usually brings up your map or something. It just doesn’t make sense!
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Doddsy | 05/02/2010 14:05
Totally Oscar Mike
1310 TSA Points | Member since: Jul 2009
The Select Button. So ingrained into our gaming minds that the name is accepted, despite actually being ridiculous.
citizeninsane45 | 05/02/2010 14:59
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I have had a 360 for over 6 months and only realised earlier this week that it was called the back button. Just presumed it was Select!
cc_star | 05/02/2010 14:12
Team TSA: Writer
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The start button which rarely starts anything only pauses
3shirts | 05/02/2010 14:15
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4387 TSA Points | Member since: Aug 2008
Start and select are both erroneous these days, you always select by moving the cursor with he D-Pad and ‘start’ by pushing one of the other button. It is useful for pause but why not just name it ‘pause’.
Perhaps Doddsy is right and we now accept ‘start’ so automatically that a pause button might actually confuse people.
Gastos84 | 05/02/2010 14:17
Team TSA: Writer
4241 TSA Points | Member since: Apr 2009
I get really annoyed with screens that say “Press Start to begin” because very rarely to you actually have to press start. You can press X or O or any other button that takes your fancy. Really gets on my wick! Why not just say “Press any button to begin”?
Great Top Ten by the way :)
djdustb | 05/02/2010 14:58
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1483 TSA Points | Member since: Nov 2008
I get annoyed the other way now. The screen says “Press start Button to continue” and it actually means it! I mean how rude, I have been pressing any button as a act of rebellion for so long on every other game but you now pick me up on it. Damn you game (no I cannot think if an example now).
Spotter5 | 05/02/2010 18:15
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1309 TSA Points | Member since: Forever
Whenever I see a game say ‘press any button to begin’ i’ll get up and press a button on my phone or TV remote.
3shirts | 05/02/2010 14:12
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If it wasn’t called Dreacast we couldn’t have this:
http://bit.ly/cJhZXV
I agree with the Nintendo names, they’ve always been rubbish. Why don’t they just have a competition each time they have a new console. They’d get thousands of entries and wouldn’t even need a prize cos having a console that YOU named would be epic anyway
ScottW-1976 | 05/02/2010 15:30
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786 TSA Points | Member since: Dec 2009
I agree, if they named their consoles correctly they wouldn’t be having so many problems selling them…….
3shirts | 05/02/2010 17:38
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Is your oh-so-subtle sarcasm seriously suggesting that they shouldn’t bother trying to make up a good name cos they will sell anyway? That would be incredibly arrogant on their part don’t you think?
paxpacis | 05/02/2010 14:14
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664 TSA Points | Member since: Forever
3DO to old for this site I guess ;)
3shirts | 05/02/2010 14:17
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4387 TSA Points | Member since: Aug 2008
No sir! And while we are at it; Phillips CDi or Atart 2600 and 5200. What do they mean. At least the Jaguar was a cool name even if the console was a broken mess of lies and poo
nofi | 05/02/2010 14:23
Wants a custom tag.
5592 TSA Points | Member since: Forever
At least the Spectrum made sense, being that it was so colourful after the ZX81.
jimmy-google | 05/02/2010 14:27
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2834 TSA Points | Member since: Feb 2009
What about CD32 or Amiga 500, Amiga 1200 – hardly great names there either.
If fact were there really any good names?
ScottW-1976 | 05/02/2010 15:38
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The majority of those mentioned above are computers though and as such will always have dull names.
Soild_Nat | 05/02/2010 14:34
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I remember that and Need for Speed for it. The best thing was been able to pause your insane crash’s and watch them from any angle.
DrOf1337 | 05/02/2010 14:42
Tends to spoil major games.
393 TSA Points | Member since: Jan 2010
GEX!
jimmy-google | 05/02/2010 14:23
Member
2834 TSA Points | Member since: Feb 2009
I love the name Heavy Rain but I agree with most of the others.
I believe the name xbox came from its use of Direct X.
wedgehog | 06/02/2010 00:12
Friendly
841 TSA Points | Member since: Mar 2009
Perhaps we’ve just gotten used to the name ‘heavy rain’. I really do like it though. Interesting thoughts about the xbox naming.
Chip9989 | 07/02/2010 00:58
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168 TSA Points | Member since: Mar 2009
I’m 99% sure that the original prototype called the “Direct X box” wasn’t originally bulit as a gaming machine, but just to show that you could run Direct X on a stand alone machine. Then when they thought about realeasing it they just dropped the direct from the name, or something like that. Not a clue on the 360 bit.
Cjdamon042 | 07/02/2010 13:57
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773 TSA Points | Member since: Jul 2009
The X is definitely related to DirectX. The 360 part? Obviously they didn’t want an Xbox 2 next to a PlayStation 3 as stated in the article, but it probably also means something cheesy like “360 degrees of entertainment” or whatever.
BioEye | 07/02/2010 18:06
Team TSA: Writer
1329 TSA Points | Member since: Forever
I think “Heavy Rain” is better than “The Origami Killer”, or “The Mysterious Adventures of the Victims of the Origami Killer”
Tuffcub | 05/02/2010 14:37
Team TSA: Writer
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“A Trance Vibrator sounds like something lonely hypnotists might make use of.” – made me larf
Kovacs | 05/02/2010 14:37
Team TSA: Writer
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I never liked the name “Wii” but I see now why they went with it. It’s childish and very welcoming. Who knows how many they would have sold if they’d gone with the Nintendo Revolution.
DrOf1337 | 05/02/2010 14:46
Tends to spoil major games.
393 TSA Points | Member since: Jan 2010
Yeah it’s inclusive (We) and it’s the noise you you make when you’re having fun.
It’s also piss, which I think is pretty telling.
Tuffcub | 05/02/2010 15:12
Team TSA: Writer
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“Coming” this 2010 – The Nintendo Wank!
ScottW-1976 | 05/02/2010 15:35
Member
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Can’t wait to see the motion controllers for that one!
DrOf1337 | 05/02/2010 15:44
Tends to spoil major games.
393 TSA Points | Member since: Jan 2010
Na, it’ll never take off. We’ve already seen that Nintendo consumers aren’t interested in ‘mature’ content…
a inferior race | 05/02/2010 16:44
I'm special
2983 TSA Points | Member since: Jul 2009
They couldn’t of called it the revolution when MS decided on the xbox 360. With 360 degrees being a full revolution.
3shirts | 05/02/2010 17:40
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And the fact that it is about as ‘revolutionary’ as the iPad is ‘magical’
rht992 | 05/02/2010 15:29
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awwwwwwwwwww i like the dreamcast :(
ugh i hate the Wii names! there so off putting! i only went on the Wii for the first time in months to play dead space
Jumping Monks | 05/02/2010 17:17
Legend
1386 TSA Points | Member since: Jan 2009
hehe, cool article. I always thought the MegaDrive was silly… just think about it for a minute… what the hell does it mean? Mega… Drive…
3shirts | 05/02/2010 17:42
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Even more stupid when you think that they managed to come up with Genesis for the American version and thats actually quite a cool name.
I never really understood why it was called MegaDrive here?
3shirts | 05/02/2010 17:45
Member
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Hmm, just looked it up and apparently MegaDrive was the original name but Sega couldn’t secure the rights to that in the US so changed it to Genesis! Who in their right mind would think that was the less good name?
Redlac | 05/02/2010 17:23
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Wait.. shopping in Electronics Boutique felt luxurious? I don’t recall it being that nice….
SIR-DARK-HAZE | 05/02/2010 18:02
Banned
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Jimster71 | 06/02/2010 10:53
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255 TSA Points | Member since: Jul 2009
Electronic Boutique bought out the Virgin Games Centre. An ironic shop name if ever there was one.
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