Please check your calenders, then check your coffee for any traces of psychotropic substances. Now very carefully check for a cat that walks past a door way followed by another identical cat. We have now made sure it is not April 1st, that you have not been drugged and you are not living in the Matrix.
Brace yourselves people..
Yes, almost exactly a year after its release, the PlayStation 3 version of Skyrim is close to getting DLC! It has not been released, it has not been announced but it is close to being announced! Woohoo!
The world has been rejoicing in the news, President Obama has sent his best wishes and smoke has been seen over the Vatican. In Britain HRH The Queen has announced Buck Palace will be renamed “Almost Maybe Getting DLC Palace” and Kerry Katona has implanted pairs of ‘Dragonborn’ horns on her breasts.
Stay tuned for further dramatic events in this unfolding story, Snatch has heard whispers that the first piece of PS3 DLC will be an exclusive Horse Armour Pack which will retail at the bargin price of £225.99.
Staying with animals, Blizzard are to help those who who are suffering after superstorm Sandy by selling a virtual kitteh. War Of Warcraft players will be able to adopt the fiery feline ‘Cider Kitty’ for $10 and all ten bucks will go to help those affected by the storm.
If you have yet to sign up for PlayStation Plus then Sony still has an offer you may be interested in. By clicking over to their Facebook page you can bag 30 days of Plus for free. This month’s treats include Ratchet & Clank: All For One, Crysis 2 and Cubixx HD and you will be able to grab a 20% discount on Dyad.
Apple have been granted the patent on a round edge rectangle. No, really, they have, from now on anyone creating a tablet or phone that is rectangular with curved corners can have their bottoms sued off for billions of dollars. Rumour has it Apple have also filed patents for the wheel, fire and accidentally biting your tongue whilst eating a crispy bacon baguette.
A new piece of art for that game has been released. Rather oddly, it’s not in the same style as the previous artwork but it is also not a screenshot, making it of even less value than the previous art. Utterly useless.
For a change, some good financial news as Activision have reported a net revenue of $841 million for Q3 2012, 57% of which was generated by digital content. Meanwhile Capcom have announced they will be adding 1,000 jobs to their internal development teams and cutting down the number of games they outsource.
The Windows 8 launch seems to have gone rather well, no major cock ups – well, almost. You pay for Xbox Live Gold and get bombarded with adverts and now you can buy yourself a swanky new Microsoft OS and get… even more adverts.  “Microsoft’s official applications have some basic advertising in them,” noted Owen Williams, Editor of Neowin.net. “You pay for the OS license (even in the Enterprise) and the ads still exist. You subscribe to Microsoft’s new Xbox Music service and the ads still stay. I’m worried about what comes next, ads while I send email? When I’m searching my files? There needs to be a way to turn this off.”
Back to Activision who have been doing happy dances and telling investors about their success. “We have a promising pipeline of great games based on proven franchises, as well as exciting new products like our collaboration with Bungie,” said Snatch fave, Bob Kotick. Most of the investor call was spent discussing how brilliant Skylanders is and how World Of Warcraft subscriptions have bounced back. However, there was no mention of Spiderman or Transformers, both games underperformed when released so we may never see the conclusion of High Moon’s epic robot tale.
The Pixeljunk team have been explaining why Pixeljunk 1-6 will be released on Steam rather than the PSN. “We want to rapidly iterate on the game following release, and Steam is probably the best platform around for this at the moment. Steam also has some interesting features we want to explore like the new Big Picture mode” said Rowan. The good news is that they “hope 1-6 does well enough on Steam for PC that we can bring it to PSN and as many other platforms as is technically possible!”
Mindless gimps continue to tap away at the Curiosity Cube in the hope of being first to reach the centre and discover the secret. You might be in for a shock though, “It’s not a big pile of cash, it’s not an expensive car and it’s not the next game from 22Cans. I think I’ve said it’s not Half-Life 3,” said Molyneux.
Whatever is inside the cube will “change your life”. If it’s not cash or a car, what else could it be? A house perhaps? That would be difficult as 22 Cans have no idea where the eventual winner will reside. That also rules out pretty much every sort of physical prize, there are so many rules and regulations regarding what can be given as a prize in a competition and they differ for every single country in the world.
A quick survey of the TSA office reveals Peter thinks it may be shares in 22 Cans and when I asked Blair what was in the centre of the cube he replied “Me”. We know the cube will contain a video, suggestions include the sequel to Two Girls One Cup or a Peter Molyneux sex video.
So what else can change your life? Having children? Is there an orphan at the centre of the cube? Perhaps it is Blair.
Discovering religion can also profoundly change your life, has Molyneux gone off his rocker big time and after many years of creating god games now thinks he is god? That must be it, the cube will contain the Ten Commandments of Molyneux.
We end with a video from Ubisoft that tells the story of Far Cry 3. Be warned it has drink, drugs, punching sharks and rude gestures, do not show this to grandma.
XisTG
Is the free PS+ to compensate the fact this months update didn’t arrive?
kjkg
It arrived for me, just later in the day than usual. Now have Crysis 2 sitting on my XMB.
Although saying that, I have a horrible feeling I’ve left my PS3 on all night and day :( . Any lovely person that is on my list want to check for me if I’m signed in?
Tuffcub
There is an auto turn off option yknow
R1MJAW
You are not currently signed in mate, it says you were .last on 6 hours ago.
kjkg
I know Tuff, I just don’t use it for some reason.
Cheers R1m, save “some” electricity.
XisTG
Must have arrived even later in my country then. Since there was no Plus Store post on the blog even, I assumed something went south.
I’ll check the store later today :)
hazelam
yeah, but the auto turn off option only turns it off once it’s finished, download speeds on the psn being what they are, the chances are you’d return home and it’ll still be downloading.
Jones81
Hi tc, the link to sonys fb page doesnt work, its just says page not found. Can you post another link?
Peter Chapman
link works for me, perhaps you need to be signed into Facebook? Or it doesn’t work in certain regions?
Here’s the URL for their page, the promotion is a little way down on their timeline: http://www.facebook.com/SonyPlaystation
Youles
Cubixx HD – sweet, never got around to purchasing it, and now it’s free!
Jones81
Cheers peter, how do i gey the 30 days plus?, cant see an article on the fb page
Forrest_01
Hm, just tried that plus thing (i figured why not?) but after entering my details it wanted to download some kind of file or app onto my computer!
What’s that all about? :S
Tuffcub
Its a Facebook app thing I think, should be fine.
Forrest_01
Not on my work PC it isn’t! :P
I actually assumed that when you entered your details & submitted, it would just submit that to Sony so that you then received the e-mail as a result. Can’t be faffing about with having to save files & then find a program to open said files!
bowie
Forrest, I got that app thing come up as well and cancelled out of it at that stage but still got my email. You might have to wait a while for the email. It took mine about 3 days to come through.
Lymmusic
Crysis is installing now, and it would seem someone pressed submit on assassins creed 2 and brotherhood as plus freebies a month early as they are currently sitting pretty on my ps3. I would feel bad but theyve cocked up so often it seems fair to get some games a month early, thats assuming they were supposed to be decembers content
Forrest_01
I think the AC thing was brought up earlier & someone said they were full game trials?
Lymmusic
Ah yes…. Damn the new design store, makes everything unclear.
Jones81
Can anyone help with the free plus thing?, I cant see any updates about it on sonys facebook page
Muskyy
The link int he article should take you to the right page.
Has anyone who has submitted for the free 30 days got their email yet? It’s been about 2 hours for me now.
hazelam
how on earth can apple get a patent like that?
i’m pretty sure there were rectangular objects with rounded edges long before apple existed.
what’s next, they’ll patent using chrome on anything, or maybe they’ll patent the colour blue.
but then apple seem to be turning into a bit of a patent troll of late.
a very hypocritical one at that.
take the ipad, remember Star Trek, TNG, they had tablet computers 20 odd years ago, and you remember what they were called?
PADD
and you can bet if apple owned Star Trek and somebody else created a tablet computer with pad in the name they’d set their lawyers on em.
they still make great hardware, but damn, they’re proving that old adage about power corrupting.
Forrest_01
Sod it, i’m off to patent sandwiches.
hazelam
noooooooooooooooooooooooooo
i thought apple were evil, they’re Goldilocks next to you. O_O
The Lone Steven
I’ve just patented Water, Air,Bacon,Pizzas and Tea.
gazzagb
Might as well try PS+ again, will try to make use of the discount and pick up DiRT3 if I can.