Since Home went live I’ve been keeping a detailed diary of my daily Home activities. Because of the size of my ego I figured you’d like to read it.
Day 1 – 08:03
Technically not day 1, but I started again from 1 once the C3PO error messages had been laid to rest and it was possible to log in to Home. I arrived in my swish new apartment and decided to decorate. I placed a storage box just where I wanted it, but when I exited placement mode it fell a few inches onto the floor and moved slightly from the position I’d set.
I bought an accesory from the online store. Because none of the accessory pictures would load, I wasn’t sure what I was getting. It didn’t matter though, because every time I placed it onto the now incorrectly positioned storage box the accessory would fall two inches and then topple over.
I have concluded that it is impossible to position something correctly on a surface in Home. You must position it incorrectly in the hope that when it drops those two inches the sudden movement will cause it to be correctly repositioned.
To date, my origami dog – the picture finally downloaded – is on its side on the floor, and that’s where it is staying.
Day 2 – 17:34
I bought a football accessory. I know it’s a football accessory because I waited until the accessory pictures had downloaded before purchasing. During the wait I:
Played keepy-ups using a real mini-football
Recreated the 2005 Champions League Final using my mini-football, including the full 120-minutes and penalty shoot-out
Fed the dog
Walked the dog
Bathed the dog
Played football with the dog
Read half of my new book
Then I got the football. The football is harder to correctly position than anything else in the world. This is because it’s a bizarre combination of a sphere and a decagon. Once dropped the requisite two inches, it stutter-rolls around until it comes to rest nowhere near its intended position. As I am a skilled footballer, I decided to reposition it using my avatar. Unfortunately, the football is as lively an interactee as Rafa Benitez before the 65-minute mark. That is to say, it didn’t move and nothing changed.
Day 3 – 18:23
I ventured into the Home Square today. At first I thought it was badly named: Come Home With Me Baby Square seemed more appropriate, given the levels of “interest” the female avatars were attracting. As no one would talk to me, I switched my avatar for a female and scored the following:
1 phone number
2 requests for cyber sex
3 invitations to clubs
4 invitations to people’s apartments
Saying “No, thanks” for 36 seconds straight tired me out completely. So, I went home. Alone.
Day 4 – 22:17
I went back to Home Square as a boy. I spent the time watching people dancing in front of video screens. I don’t see the problem with dancing, it’s kind of fun to watch.
Day 5 – 17:12
All dancing avatars in Home must die.
Day 6 – 19:30
I fancied a trip to the theatre to check out some trailers. I liked the streaming video in the foyer. I didn’t like having to walk to the screen that was hosting the video I was interested in. Once there I finished my new book while waiting for the video to download. Then I nipped onto my laptop to order a new book, watched the trailer I was waiting for Home to show, before giving up on Home and going to bed.
Day 7 – 18:27
I went to the Shopping Centre. People were dancing in front of a big screen, next to a bubble machine. I tried to go into a shop but it said it had no stock. There was definitely stock in the window. I spent time walking across the stepping stones and guessing what people’s avatars were like from their username before the PS3 had downloaded and cached them.
Day 8 – 21:05
I decided to try some of the games in the Bowling Alley. I tried:
Bowling – couldn’t get a game
Pool – couldn’t get a game
Arcade games – couldn’t get a game
I went back to my apartment and tried to position furniture correctly. It was more fun than the Bowling Alley.
Day 40 – 17:22
I accidently selected Home from the XMB. I apologise.
If people like my diary I might continue writing it.