Day: Tuesday
Time: 12:06am
Weather: Rainy
Scott Shelby pulled up outside a sleazy apartment complex and exited his Chevrolet. He entered the motel and bribed the man in reception into telling him where a woman named Lauren lived. Having handed over just 5 dollars, Shelby had the information he needed. He informed the man that he was asthmatic before heading upstairs.
He knocked on Lauren’s door and she mistook him for a customer. She explained it was $50 for half hour. Half an hour! You could do it 4 times.
He entered her flat, placed $50 on the table and then explained that he was asthmatic and that he was actually a Private Detective working for the families of the Origami Killer’s victims. Lauren’s son was one such victim. He asked her a few questions but again they were pointless questions which didn’t actually reveal anything of interest.
Half an hour came to end after just 10 minutes and Shelby was asked to leave.
Out in the hallway Shelby had an asthma attack and, after toying with his inhaler, he finally managed to regain his breathing.
A man brushed past him and forced his way into Lauren’s flat. Screams soon followed. Shelby burst into the flat and confronted the man. The two began to fight. It didn’t matter what happened in the fight as the outcome was the same either way – windows were smashed, fruit was knocked over and Lauren was grateful.
Day: Tuesday
Time: 9:52pm
Weather: Cold, wet and depressing
Shelby entered a convenience store and spoke to a man named Hassan – the owner of the shop.
SHELBY: Hi. I’m asthmatic and I’m working on behalf of the families of the Origami Killer’s victims. I believe your son died. Anything you want to tell me that might help my investigation.
HASSAN: Why should I help you? My son’s already dead.
SHELBY: Okay. Do you have any asthma medicine? I’m asthmatic.
HASSAN: Back of the shop.
Shelby walked to the back of the shop and took the asthma medicine from the shelf. Just then a man burst into the store with a gun and ordered Hassan to hand over money from the cash register.
Shelby went up onto his tip toes and crept around the side of the shop. He knocked a bottle of whiskey off the shelf but managed to catch it before it made any noise. To be on the safe side put the bottle in his pocket. He approached the robber from behind and karate chopped him in the neck knocking him unconscious.
HASSAN: Thank you so much. To show my gratitude I’m going to give you this shoe box that the Origami Killer gave me. I didn’t care enough about my son to do anything with it.
Shelby took the box and left.
Day: Wednesday
Time: 10:37am
Weather: Do you really expect this to change?
In an effort to gain more answers about the Origami Killer, Shelby went and paid a visit to the mother of the latest victim at her home. Miss Bowles lived in a messy shack and no one answered when he knocked the door. He went around the back and let himself in.
A baby was screaming in its push-chair but Miss Bowles was no where to be found. Shelby peered down at the baby and smelled something unpleasant so he decided to limit his interaction with the child. He searched the house further.
He noticed a note on the floor and upon reading, realised that it was in fact a suicide note.
SHELBY: The grammar and spelling in this suicide note is awful.
He took out a red biro and corrected the letter before marking with a sad face and writing ‘See me’. He put the note down and went into the bathroom.
Miss Bowles was in the bath and the water was red with blood that was seeping from paper cuts to her toe and finger joints. Shelby picked her up and took her to the bedroom where he dressed her wounds using supplies from her very well stocked medicine cupboard.
She awoke.
MISS BOWLES: Thank you.
SHELBY: No problem. Paper-cutting yourself to death is a painful way to go. Now you’re awake, though, can you tell me anything that will help me with my investigation into the Origami Killer?
MISS BOWLES: He left my husband a phone. My husband’s left me and I didn’t use it because it’s not an iPhone. It’s in the drawer in the living room, feel free to take it.
Shelby found the phone and left the house.
Day: Wednesday
Time: 7:28pm
Weather: Rain, rain, rain, rain, rain, rain and rain…oh, and rain
Shelby was sat at home looking through his desk; no reason for this because it was practically empty, perhaps it was just to pass the time. There was a knock at his door and Shelby got up to answer. It was Lauren…you know, from the first part of this tale? He let her in and she explained that she wanted to help with the investigation.
SHELBY: No. I don’t need your help and it’s too dangerous.
LAUREN: Nothing you say is going to change the outcome of this conversation so just accept it.
SHELBY: Fair enough.
Lauren became Shelby’s new sidekick. She handed him an envelope that she had received from the Origami Killer to see if he could work anything out about it. The only thing of interest was that the address had been written using a typewriter.
Day: Wednesday
Time: Party!
Weather: No one cares, we’re drunk
Shelby was taking Lauren to a party being held by a man named Gordi Kramer. Apparently it was a lead. They pulled up outside a luxurious mansion.
LAUREN: Why are we here?
SHELBY: It’s a lead.
LAUREN: A lead from where?
SHELBY: You don’t need to know this. It’s basically a way of making it look like I’m working.
They entered the party and Shelby instantly recognise the stairway was being guarded by two goons – this is where Gordi had to be. He approached the guards and tried to bribe them into letting him pass but they weren’t having it.
Lauren appeared and began dancing and seducing the guards. It would have been more successful if she hadn’t eaten some Oreos before hand as they were now stuck in her teeth and she looked a bit skanky. She pretended to faint and the guards had no choice but to pay her attention. Whilst they were distracted Shelby went upstairs and entered Gordi’s room.
He was watching cartoons on a massive TV while two women made out on the couch next to him – this may seem somewhat strange but to be fair to Gordi, the cartoon in question was Marvin the Martian.
SHELBY: Gordi…I’m Mr. Shelby I’m a Private Inspector and would like to accuse you of being the Origami Killer.
GORDI: You got me! I did it. I’m rich and bored and what better way to entertain myself than to murder innocent children?
SHELBY: Err…do a jigsaw?
GORDI: I would but I have fat fingers and jigsaws only wind me up. I don’t appreciate this accusation so leave now before I get my father to kill you.
Shelby wasn’t in the mood to argue and he could feel a weezy cough coming on. He and Lauren left the party.
Day: Thursday
Time: 7:00am
Weather: I think I have a hangover
Gordi’s father invited Shelby to join him at a very elite golf club for a ‘chat’. Shelby arrived and introduced himself to Mr. Kramer who ignored him whilst he took a swing at a golf club. In case you’re wondering, he sliced the ball and it only managed 100 yards…amateur!
MR. KRAMER: Leave my son alone, Mr. Shelby. He’s a bit odd, yes, but he’s innocent enough.
SHELBY: He’s not just weird, Mr. Kramer, he’s odder than Alan Cumming.
MR. KRAMER: Leave him alone or woe betides you.
Shelby ignored the threat, took a puff on his inhaler in a ‘look at me I’m asthmatic and really not bothered’ kind of way and left.
Day: Thursday
Time: 11:10am
Weather: Oh look, it’s still raining
With the envelope in hand, Shelby and Lauren went and paid a visit with Shelby’s old friend – Manfred.
Manfred owned a typewriter store. Considering this was 2011, Manfred seemed to be doing pretty well for himself selling and repairing typewriters.
Shelby and Manfred chatted about old times and shared a drink whilst Lauren played with a music box…I know what you’re thinking and, yes, she should grow up. Shelby handed his friend the envelope to see if he could help with finding some clues about the killer.
MANFRED: The typewriter was a Royal 5. I conveniently bought all of the existing stock of Royal 5s so if the killer does have one he would have come to me at some point.
SHELBY: Do you keep records that we could check?
MANFRED: Sure do. I’ll go get them.
Manfred disappeared into the back room of the shop. Lauren was fixated by the music box still.
After a few minutes Shelby wondered where Manfred had disappeared too and went into the back room to find out. As he turned the corner he could see Manfred lying in a pool of blood. Manfred had been murdered.
SHELBY: Shit! LAUREN. We gotta get out of here.
LAUREN: What happened to Manfred?
SHELBY: He was murdered. The killer must have realised he was the one link that could lead to his identity.
LAUREN: But that’s not possible. It’s a small shop and we didn’t hear a single thing.
SHELBY: Sssh. Just go and play with the music box while I wipe fingerprints.
The pair then left Manfred’s shop.
Day: Thursday
Time: 4:30pm
Weather: They’re not out in it so it doesn’t matter
Arriving back at Shelby’s apartment they get to work on trying to make sense of the whole thing. Lauren notices an origami magazine next to Shelby’s old typewriter. An Origami magazine next to Shelby’s old typewriter…man, she’s thick.
LAUREN: An origami magazine? You think the killer subscribes to one of those.
SHELBY: No, I think he subscribes to Playboy, what do you think?
LAUREN: Alright, calm down. Do you mind if I get a shower?
SHELBY: For fuck’s sake. Why don’t I cook you a meal and order you a massage, too?
LAUREN: That’d be great!
Lauren went into the bathroom and Shelby got to work on creating an omelette. Only two eggs, no cheese or ham, no salt or pepper…this omelette is going to be horrible.
Lauren reappeared wearing Shelby’s bath robe although it was a perfect fit for a slim woman so god knows what Shelby looks like in it. Shelby handed her the omelette. She didn’t say thank you and she didn’t make any attempt to eat it.
She had a note pad in her hand that she had taken from Manfred’s body.
LAUREN: According to this note pad 30 customers bought or repaired an old typewriter in the last 10 years.
SHELBY: Whoop-di-doo Lauren, but I can’t be arsed to work through that info.
LARUEN: We can cross check with the subscribers to Playboy and the Origami magazine.
They spent the next hour in a montage of name checking when all of a sudden, they had one name.
Day: Thursday
Time: Bed?
Weather: Rain’s a safe bet
They pulled up outside a cemetery. The name they found was John Sheppard and according to the records he died 30 years ago as a child.
LAUREN: Maybe the killer is using his name.
SHELBY: Of course he’s using his fucking name. The list you found at Manfred’s is only 10 years old so unless a 30 year old dead child is walking around drowning other people…
LAUREN: Okay, I get it.
They searched the cemetery and found Sheppard’s grave. Fresh flowers and origami figures surrounded the plot. Then all of a sudden a weird old grave digger appeared.
GRAVE DIGGER: Oh, I know John. He and his twin brother had an alcoholic and abusive father. They lived by a building site. One day they played hide and seek and John got caught in a drain and drowned in rainwater. His twin brother couldn’t help and as a result got put into a foster family, changed his name and has never been seen again.
SHELBY: I knew that.
They started to make their way out of the cemetery but then Shelby spotted Gordi Kramer’s father putting flowers on John Sheppard’s grave. Hmmm mysterious. Lauren and Shelby left.
Day: Thursday
Time: 11:43pm
Weather: Cold front moving in to bring a touch of more fucking rain
Shelby returned home – he had been to the shop to pick up some asthma medicine. He walked into his flat and Lauren was standing in his front room.
SHELBY: Not you again!
All of a sudden Gordi Kramer’s father appeared from the bedroom and his goons appeared from the kitchen pointing guns.
MR. KRAMER: I told you to drop your investigation, you didn’t and now I’m going to kill you in a completely unnecessary way.
One of Kramer’s goons knocked Shelby out.
Shelby awoke inside his car which in turn was underwater. Lauren was unconscious in the passenger seat. Shelby wiggled his hands free of the restraints they had placed him in. He slapped Lauren to wake her…and because it was a chance to slap a highly annoying person.
She awoke and Shelby smashed the window and they both swam to the surface. Shelby was so angry he set about seeking immediate revenge.
Shelby sat in his car outside Kramer’s mansion. He revved the engine and released the brake and went hurtling through the gates and into the side of the house. He got out of the car, readied his gun and began making his way through the mansion shooting anything that moved – including the 3 kittens that played joyfully with a ball of string.
He made his way upstairs and into Kramer’s office. They had a short fight but then Kramer started having a heart attack.
MR. KRAMER: Please, hand me my medicine.
SHELBY: Why should I?
MR. KRAMER: I only visit the grave because John Sheppard died on my construction site and I have never forgotten. My pills, please!
Shelby looked at him and took a puff on his inhaler.
SHELBY: I have asthma and this medicine is great.
He walked away without helping and Kramer died.
Day: Friday (woop)
Time: Who cares? It’s Friday
Weather: Slightly sunny actually
Shelby was putting Lauren on a train as it was too dangerous for her to stay while the investigation was still on going.
They said their goodbyes and Shelby placed his hands on either side of her head. He moved in close and rubbed his face against hers…apparently it’s affectionate.
He left the train station.
Day: Friday
Time: Chico?
Weather: Raining again
Shelby retuned home. He took the shoe box given to him by shopkeeper Hassan and burnt it along with the phone from Miss Bowles and the envelope from Lauren.
SHELBY: Mwhahahaha mwhahahah I am the Origami Killer. I have an old typewriter, I own a Chevrolet and I subscribe to Origami Monthly and Playboy. Mwhahahaha.
- To see what happens next: Put your hand under your arm pit and make fart noises and then go to page 11