The Sun Offers Sensible 3DS Advice

‘Nintendo 3DS is game for a barf’ is the puntastic and completely inaccurate headline in today’s The Sun. Obviously a bit riled that they were caught out yesterday for exaggerating the problems with the new Nintendo console the ‘newspaper’ has called in medical experts to substantiate their claims.

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‘Their man’ Lee Price, 22, played Street Fighter and Pro Evolution Soccer in four 30-minute slots with a ten minute break between each play. For the first thirty minutes of play (during which he sat on a sofa) Lee seemed to be fine and the Doctor agreed. The next session Lee stood up and the Doc noted ‘slight nystagmus, where your eyes race from side-to-side’.

For the third half hour Lee played the game whilst ‘walking idly down the street’. Lee’s pulse and blood pressure has risen, thus proving that the 3DS is having an effect and certainly not because Lee is a bit tubby and having to move. “If this was your resting rate, I’d recommend you saw a GP about high blood pressure,” says Doctor Carol.

It’s not his resting rate Carol, nothing to worry about, but well done The Sun for just slipping in the phrase ‘high blood pressure’.

The Sun does not report how many open manholes Lee fell in to whilst playing his 3DS, nor the amount of times he walked into a tree or got hit by a truck as he wasn’t paying attention whilst crossing the road. Surely these side effects of playing the 3DS whilst ‘walking idly down the street’ are far more serious?

For the final hour Lee is playing the 3DS in a car. Lee is feeling ‘very nauseated’ because his eyes are trying to focus on the 3DS whilst the car rumbles about. He has blood pressure of 140/84, pulse 85. “If this rate is sustained for a long period it could damage circulation. I think the break period needs to be significantly increased,” advises Doctor Carol.

The sun concludes with verdicts from both Lee and Carol.

LEE’S VERDICT: After two hours, it’s time to put it away.

CAROL’S VERDICT: Children should not be left to play on it for hours.

Excellent advice there, The Sun. Well done.

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47 Comments

  1. It’s all fun an stuff, but that basically means The Sun has earned the attention from TSA.

    • It’s hard to take the piss out of them without mentioning their name :)

  2. I might cancel my subscription

  3. Brendan Callaghan, 27, read The Sun in four 30-minute slots with a ten minute break between each read. For the first thirty minutes of reading (during which he sat on a sofa) Brendan seemed to be fine and the Doctor agreed. The next session Brendan stood up and the Doc noted ‘slight stupidity, where your brain can’t focus on anything more than boobs and bums.

    For the third half hour Brendan read The Sun whilst ‘walking idly down the street’. Brendan’s pulse and blood pressure has risen, thus proving that The Sun is having an effect and certainly not because Brendan is a bit tubby and having to move. “If this was your resting rate, I’d recommend you saw a GP about high blood pressure,” says Doctor TuffCub.

    For the final hour Lee is reading The Sun in a car. Lee is feeling ‘very bigoted’ because his brain is trying to understand why foreign-gypsy-wizards are stealing our babies and selling drugs to our grannys, all whilst the car rumbles about. He has blood pressure of 1400/845, pulse 900. “If this bigotry is sustained for a long period it could damage society. I think the restrictions on the paper needs to be significantly increased,” advises Doctor TuffCub.

    The Sun concludes with verdicts from both Brendan and TuffCub.

    LEE’S VERDICT: After two hours, it’s time go out hunting some baby killing immigrants.

    CAROL’S VERDICT: People should not be left un-supervised while a copy of The Sun is in the vicinity.

    Excellent advice there, The Sun. Well done.

    • *thumbs up, haha

    • Dammit, I forgot to changes some of the names in the 3rd paragraph, but youn get the point

    • Lol , well done! :)

    • foreign-gypsy-wizards. Teehee, made my day.

      • Good stuff! Made me chuckle.

    • Internets, you just won two of them!

    • I like this guy!

    • Great stuff Brendan. Good job it wasn’t the daily mail or foreign-gypsy-wizards would have been understating the bigotry.

  4. The only good thing to take from this is the “playing on the 3DS in the car”. There’s going to be a lot of chundertastic moments, I’m sure.

    My advice would be to have a few tots of whisky if you’re thinking of playing on the 3DS at the same time as driving. It’ll help steady your hands so the 3D effect isn’t ruined.

    • Well, surely they implied kids would be playing their “3DSs” in their parent’s cars.

    • The reporter ought to try reading the ‘Health and Safety’ instructions that came with the 3DS. These specifically state that you shouldn’t have 3D turned on whilst in the car, as the combined affect of motion/3D would make you feel sick.

    • I get motion sickness whenever I’m in a car, bus, etc. if I’m not looking out of the window. It’s a very common complaint which is brought on by the lack of coordination between the balance systems in the ear and the body’s physical motion cues picked up by the brain. So, I could be looking at the floor, be blindfolded or reading a book, they would all make me feel sick after about ten minutes of travel.
      The fact that the 3DS is in 3D mode or not would make no difference to me if I were playing whilst travelling, I’d be sick either way.
      so whilst their motion sickness statement is true, it’s also a little disingenuous.

  5. I think the Sun is getting a bit carried away with the 3DS reports.
    I wonder how many people have been put off buying one.

    • Probably a tiny fraction. They have quite a large readership and dare I say some of those readers will believe anything they print.

  6. oh, cool sad british office workers payed for hating on gaming

    ironically I have Street Fighter and PES only so far ehehe

  7. 140/84 is a walk in the park, wimp.
    I recently got 180/110 which I think puts me at the top of my friends list leader board and quite respectable on the global leader boards.

    • Maybe he’s afraid of cars…

    • I’ll let you know mine tomorrow – im inflating right now :)

      P.S. FNAR

  8. Even though these reports are mounds of horse shit, they will no doubt put loads of people off buying one

    • Nah, will have very little effect on sales if any. No such thing as bad publicity, More likely will make more people aware of the existence of the 3DS.

  9. Anyone else think of Steve Martins “The Jerk” when they saw the photo above right! :)

  10. The bloke looks like he’s had a long night with the missus/manservant/robotic sex doll.

    • He looks more like he’s making a new version of ‘Supersize me’ and is starting to suffer some sugar, salt and fat overdose effects.

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