Analyst Predicts Battlefield 3 Will Sell 100 Copies

[drop2]Analyst Crompton McFoster, of the renown Crimstalin, Moulder and Tacitus Associates, has predicted that EA’s Battlefield 3 will sell rather splendidly.

Citing initial sales of one hundred, with another 1,000 to follow in “another” period of time thereafter, McFoster seemed bullish about his predictions for EA’s flagship shooter.

The game, which leads EA’s assault on Activision’s Call of Duty franchise, will almost certainly sell more than their previous top seller for the year, FIFA 12. The football game has been said to have sold “more than I’ve had hot dinners” by several leading industry analysts with opening weekend figures sitting comfortably around the “shedloads, mate” mark.

If Battlefield 3 can live up to, or even exceed, these bold projections it will become the greatest selling game of this week and possibly even longer. A stunning achievement for EA who, as most of you will know, is just a two man team with a limited marketing budget, which operates from a spare bedroom in Dorset.

At the time of publication, McFoster (who also goes by the alias of Tomothy Olympustrip) was requesting ridiculous sums of money for his – admittedly on the money – analysis.  We’ve managed to negotiate him down to a pint.

We’ll reach out to EA for their sexy loving input.

This has been Crumdangle, seeking out stories that don’t exist…  for more ramblings on this particular matter, why not follow SPOnG’s Tim Smith on Twitter

45 Comments

  1. Eh?!

  2. Quality!

  3. it’s genuinely worrying that a few people don’t seem to notice that this is a comic bit entirely for giggles.
    Looks like we’ve not done enough funny weirdness recently. Have we become too serious?

    • I got the joke five minutes later, if that cheers you up.

    • How much did you accept from Activision to post this story?
      Or is its chance appearance simply down to a (t)roll of the DICE? :-)

    • Clearly the names weren’t silly enough. I’m on the case.

    • Not funny or weird enough.

    • To be honest, at first I thought that either some hopelessly out-of-touch person had announced this prediction or there had been a typo in an official analyst statement or something, and that the extra stuff (paragraph 3 onwards) was just standard TSA adding some humour into the smaller news stories.

      Once I got it (after clicking through to the twitter link) it was pretty funny though. Maybe in future these should be marked as a feature with a bit of explanation at the top that it’s just a joke: that wouldn’t detract from the humour and it would improve the impressions of people visiting the site for the first time, or maybe judging the site for some kind of award. :D

  4. a pint?
    really?

    i could have told you that for a packet of jaffa cakes.

    • you’re hired! I’ll tell Bartholomew to ring you next time he needs to make up some totally incisive industry analysis.

      • yay. \(^_^)/

      • that little emoticon looks better in the text entry box,
        there it looks like a happy face with both arms in the air.
        here it looks like a stoned vulcan.

  5. I predict it won’t sell as many as EA hope – 12 zillion.

  6. Yeah really don’t get this at all. Was looking for a funny spoof story, didn’t find one :S

  7. Brilliant! It’s nicely executed satire, although I can see why some people won’t get it.

  8. Now all this needs is pictures that are more relevant and absurd than that damn granny :3

  9. I think I’d better lay of that ground badger snout for a while, I might tripping out my box…..No wait….yep.

  10. Im trading in my GoW3 to get this for a fiver

    • Well we know that’s one sale.

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