News Snatch: Fuse Screens, Cliffy Hearts Ubi And Better Willies

Blimey Charlie, news is rather sparse today so let us whip through the bobbins as quick as possible.

Ready… set… GO!

Call of Duty: Black Ops Declassified is getting patched and a bunch of LEGO Lord Of The Rings game discs have been sent out mislabelled as demos.

Ubisoft have slowed (read: stopped) work on Beyond Good & Evil 2 to concentrate on Rayman Legends and they are circling the slowly rotting corpse of THQ looking for juicy franchises to buy. They have also moved Rainbow Six Patriots to next gen consoles and are ‘very pleased’ with the sales of Assassin’s Creed: Liberation

Neogaf users are reporting that their Origin accounts have been hacked and Jet Set Radio will finally arrive on PS Vita next week. EA have opened a new studio in Sweden and have named it ‘Ghost‘, they are looking for a ‘vehicle artist’ which means their next game will have… wait for it… vehicles! Woo!

Bobbins done, only a few larger stories to cover, beginning with the news that Insomniac have opened a website for their new generic shooter with a dull name that no one will buy. Admit it, you know it’s true, unless the game gets 10/10 from every website and magazine in existence it will debut at around No.3 in the charts then sink without trace. At least it’s nice to see the cast of abysmal PS3 shooter Haze have found work again.

Ex-Epic chap, Cliffy B, has hinted than he may be moving to Ubisoft. “Hotel called my room. A package for me? Inside? A fully charged phone with one [number] programmed and the Ubisoft logo on the backdrop. Now what?” he tweeted. “I’m going to call the number on the Ubi phone and say: I do have a very particular set of skills; skills I have acquired over a very long career. Skills that make me an asset for people like you.”

This is the same Cliffy B who barely a month ago left Epic saying that after 20 years hard work ‘it’s time for a much needed break’. Hmmmmm..

Peter Molyneux has been making rather useless excuses (I’m a fiesty mood today, can you tell?) about the Curiosity servers, they have become overloaded as thousands of people pointlessly tap at their iPhones for no reason whatsover. “A tiny little studio from Guilford – how were we to know?” he said. Well perhaps the ridiculous amount of coverage from every gaming site on the web may have given you hint? The huge amount of hype perhaps, mostly generated by yourself? Just in the past 24 hours you have given interviews to CVG, MCV and NowGamer.

At least one aspect of the experiment is improving, “Every time a surface gets cleared the willy drawers come in and their willies are getting bigger and they’re getting more realistic and they’re starting to spurt DNA all over the cube and stuff like that,” commented Peter.

And finally… ever wanted a game in which straight-to-DVD star Danny Trejo teams up with Apple co-founder Steve Wozniak and they kick ass?  Then your wish is about to come true,  Danny Trejo’s Vengeance: Woz With A Coz will launch for mobile devices in a few weeks.