News Snatch: Turkey And Other Fruity Birds

Happy Thanksgiving to all our chums in America, I hope you are having a lovely day off. It’s making my job incredibly difficult as there is no interesting news at all. The bottom of the barrel has been scraped so hard that I’ve gone through it and I am now picking up news shavings from the floor.

Oh well, the show must go on, let us have a look at today’s meagre pickings.

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A range of Angry Birds fizzy drinks have been outselling Coca-Cola and Pepsi in Rovio’s home country of Finland. Angry Birds Lagoon is apple and pear flavoured, Paradise is mandarin and pineapple whilst Tropic is generic ‘fruit’ flavoured. The bomb bird is represented in a silver can which contains an orange and cola drink. The sodas will soon be sold in Australia and New Zealand and probably everywhere else in the world soon after that. Nom!

The new Xbox London studio will not be making AAA games, free-to-play will be one of  the ‘many’ monetisation models they are investing in along with advert networks. “It’s just what I’ve always wanted, even more adverts on Xbox Live” said no one, ever. Meanwhile The Verge reports that the Next Box will come in two flavours, the full blown console and a streaming ‘Xbox TV’ unit.

Australian retail worker Okan Kaya has played Black Ops 2 for a record breaking 135 hours and has claimed a new Guinness World Record. “Yes, it’s official,” a Guinness spokesperson did not say, “This man has broken the world record for the most pointless waste of time, narrowly beating the muppets who are still tapping that stupid cube.” We feel Okan has missed a trick, if he had played Halo 4 for 135 hours he would only need to play for another five hours and he would have got a world record and 600 MSP!

Video games portrayed in a negative light in the media shocker! The latest episode of American TV show ‘Criminal Minds‘ begins when 10 students are kidnapped from a bus. The students are then forced to act out a real life version of a fictional shooter ‘Gods of Combat’ and run about with Uzis and frag each other. Apparently the “message is pretty clear – killing someone in a video game is not the same as real-world murder, something that should never be taken lightly.” Thanks for pointing that out Criminal Minds team! I am sure that it’s pure coincidence that this episode airs just days after the launch of Black Ops 2.

Pure coincidence. 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oxWQ4DYEemU&feature=player_embedded

And finally, a new iPhone app called BrightDriver is currently being developed and it lets you play games whilst driving. Yes, really. The game is audio based and has been designed to relieve bored drivers because, y’know, concentrating on the road ahead is so last season darlings.

That’s it for today, I would say tomorrow will be a better day for news but I’m taking a day off to hide under a duvet, eat cake and play games so TSA will be Snatchless.

Back Monday, tata!

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11 Comments

  1. This is rapidly becoming my favourite TSA feature. Sooo much sarcasm! :D

    • Thanks. Doing this was probably the stupidest thing I have agreed to as A) there is no news until at least January and B) trying to be funny is bloody hard work. I’m writing a topical comedy news programme every frickin day which is difficult if you’re a comedian let alone a bear of little brain – and even harder when theres feck all news! Come back Pachter and Kotick, all is forgiven! Say something stupid for gods sake!!

      However it does mean the rest of team are free to go rite clevah stuff wot i kant do.

      • At least the next one can be about Molyneux’s verifiable descent into madness. Hope his coffin is cube shaped.

      • I think I’m going to have to leave him alone, he’s obviously heading for a breakdown.

  2. Great article, always amusing to read the snatch! Those poor cube tappers…

  3. those kidnappers clearly aren’t very smart, i mean, kidnapping those students then arming them with uzis.

    i’d imagine their last words would be “crap, didn’t think this through.” when the students as one turn their guns on the kidnappers.

    i’m sure the episode plays out a little differently though.

    • I think you are crediting students with altogether too much brain power.

  4. In quite like the sound of the Lagoon & Paradise drinks. Tropic is generic ‘fruit’ flavoured, which tells you absolutely nothing, but an Orange & Cola drink though?? They can keep that one! Blech.

  5. Hard to beat Tuffcub’s snatch.

  6. I to am really starting to like this feature. Some crazy stories too. Looking forward to seeing a few of those angry bird cans in my fridge.

  7. As an Englishman in the US, I loathe Thanksgiving. Looking forward to being back at work.

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