News Snatch: GTA V, Dark Souls II And Gamescom Predictions

Aloha Snatchlings, welcome to the last Snatch for a while, which begins with yet another video of old people watching video games, a phenomenon that is getting quite tired these days but this one is worth a watch as they do not have the reaction you might expect.

The game in question is Grand Theft Auto V in which “Franklin has access to the nicer butts”.

“The console will still function if Kinect isn’t plugged in, although you won’t be able to use any feature or experience that explicitly uses the sensor.” – Marc Whitten, Chief Xbox One Platform Architect.

“We have no plans for that. We are 100% all in on Kinect.” – Major Nelson, when asked if Microsoft had any plans to sell a Kinect-less Xbox One.

“Well that’s a bit silly.” – Everyone else, ever.

According to Phil Spencer (not that one) the Xbox 360 has “the largest content library ever created in the history of the game space.”

Presumably he is including movies and music and forgetting about that little thing called iTunes.

The ridiculously titled Naruto Shippuden: Ultimate Ninja Storm 3 Full Burst has a release date and that date is October 22nd. This release will mark the first time the series has been ported to the PC and features the most extensive character roster of any game.

Another Splinter Cell: Blacklist trailer? Really? If you haven’t been overloaded by Blacklist trailers then check out our review which is hiding like a mischievous squirrel, just behind this link.

Former executive vice president of core games at THQ and the bloke forever known as “Rachael Bilson’s Dad”, Danny Bilson, has given Edge a few words about Deep Six, THQ’s lost underwater shooter.

“We were only working on the creative, we hadn’t started yet. It was really fresh and it has a really great concept. I think 4A was gonna do it, the team that did Metro. It was really awesome – we had lost the war of the worlds to a water-based alien planet and they’d flooded the earth so everything was underwater.”

“The player started in a work camp, because they’d imprisoned all of the humans on the ocean floor in these work camps. The players finds out that they’re exterminating humans and you have to escape – and the whole game was a journey to the surface, and what you found along the way was unbelievable. It was creative only. A team in LA were going to do a prototype, but then 4A were gonna do that after Metro.”

A trailer for The Witcher 3 which is being developed in Poland for a number formats including the Xbox One.

Shame no one in Poland will be able to buy a Xbox One to play it on.

Elizabeth has a new outfit for the forthcoming Rapture-based BioShock Infinite DLC and she has covered up her heaving cleavage that was so voluptuous that you could practically ski down it… to stick with the theme.

Staying with knockers so large they almost generate their own gravity, All Games Beta has a gallery of all the unlockable art from Dragon’s Crown. You can view four of the busty beauties above, just make sure your mum/girlfriend/wife doesn’t catch you looking.

A new Battlefield 4 map will be revealed at Gamescom, you can catch a livestream of the reveal via this link, so bookmark it for future reference.

EA have also announced that all profile stats and premium subscriptions can be moved from PS3 to PS4 or from the Xbox 360 to Xbox One, but the transfer can only be made once.

Stop the press! An Indie developer does not love Sony!

Pixel 2 for PS4 and Vita is dead :( Thanks SCEE! (not)” tweeted Super Icon, “I just wish people would be more open and honest, hiding behind corporate speak is the ultimate kick in the teeth.”

A rather brief teaser trailer in which the Dark Souls II universe takes a surprising new form. That’s what the PR blurb says anyway, looks like a reject from Skyrim to me, but what do I know?

And almost finally, I’m off on my yearly jaunt to the shores of Waikiki and as Gamescom is happening whilst I am away I thought I would make some predictions:

  • Microsoft will make a massive U-turn regarding something to do with Xbox One. 
  • Microsoft will cock up their presentation and talk about basketball and tree hugging.
  • Killzone Mercenary will be utterly awesome.
  • Knack won’t be.
  • There will be lots of journos talking about sausage.
  • Battlefield 4 and CoD: Ghosts will both announce maps packs based on previous games, they will not be called “The Money For Old Rope” packs but they should be.
  • There will be a game with zombies in it.
  • A Facebook/Mobile developer will say that games consoles are dead. Everyone will ignore him/her. Again.
  • Bob Kotick will make a surprise guest appearance wearing a wig and clown shoes.
  • Deep Silver will cause a scandal by including a voucher for a free prostitute in their Saint’s Row IV ‘Welcome to Cologne’ pack.
  • The phrase “next-gen” will be used by everyone, for everything. E.g., “This sausage is so next-gen”.
  • Sony will announce more indie games for PS Vita.
  • There will protests outside Gamescom by the half of Europe who won’t be able to buy an Xbox One.
  • Rockstar will announce that “Booty booty booty shooty shooty shooty” Grandpa will make a cameo in GTAV
  • The Last Guardian will get a release date. Hahaha.

And finally, a rather cool prequel to Half Life.

See you in September!


  1. Snatchlings, like it. I also like the Gravity Gun video, great quality little production! Have a pleasant and enjoyable holiday.

  2. The Witcher 3 looks brilliant (visually). Have fun in Hawaii too! :)

  3. Loving the new Elizabeth costume.
    That Elders React video was funny.

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