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Emergency, Emergency! Paging Doctor Beat!

Crash! hits iOS.

Man alive, I was bang on. I called it! I was there. I said it. You know, like everyone else. What in the name of holy hell am I talking about? Burnout Crash!, which I said – when I reviewed it back on console – that it’d be a perfect fit for iOS. And I know ‘on console’ is the worst English in the world, but I also said ‘I called it’, a phrase that normally makes me do a minisick every time I read it. Ugh.

Whatever, here’s the bloody Hoff having a go at the game, which is now available on the platform it was apparently always meant to be on, and making some odd faces. You’ll witness flicking, tapping and general contorting of the facial muscles. I’ll come back to those in a bit, but in the meantime, gaze upon said 80’s icon and realise that – no matter who you are – you’ll never be as cool as him.

So, yeah, Burnout Crash! is every bit as good as it was on the PS3 and Xbox 360. The controls are naturally intuitive (even steering the car at the beginning is a breeze, and you don’t have to do massive big swipes, little ones anywhere will suffice) and visually it’s actually quite nice. On New iPad (thanks for that, Apple) you can pick out some blurry textures, but it’s a good looking game.

I’d rather you read the review than me have to repeat everything, but if your mouse has just broken and all you can do is scroll up and down, Burnout Crash! is like a pinball game without the pin or balls, instead replacing the metal sphere with an explosive car. Cause damage, get points, explode again, rinse and repeat. It’s simple, addictive fun, if a little unpredictable.

So, it plays fine, is cheap (three quid to you, sir) and the Hoff likes it. What’s not to love? Origin, which shoehorns itself between the UI and common sense, replacing Game Center for the leaderboards (I’m NEVER signing up, EA) and the fact that it’s pretty much exactly the same game. Played it before and didn’t like it? You won’t like it now, as nothing has really changed. Sorry.

But if that’s the case, you’re bonkers. Burnout Crash! is ace, if only for the wonderful 80’s soundtrack, which peppers the action every time something silly happens.

Quit dicking around, and buy it here.

  1. Bodachi
    Since: Jan 2010

    I’ll wait for an Android version or hopefully a Vita version.

    Comment posted on 13/04/2012 at 13:05.
  2. CarBoyCam
    Since: Sep 2009

    I’ll play this game a lot more on my iPad/iPhone than I ever did on my PS3. Although, this may lead to me playing the PS3 version a lot more also! The controls are great, you get to grips with them straight away. The only thing I do not like at all is the fact Origin is in there… JUST USE GAME CENTER! They didn’t shoe-horn Origin into the console versions (PSN and XBL sufficed), so stick with Game Center only for the iOS version!

    Comment posted on 13/04/2012 at 15:06.

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