“I Don’t Want To Brush My Teeth In A Game” – Danny Bilson On Heavy Rain

Some may say THQ’s recent re-invention centres around one Danny Bilson, American writer and prolific producer and a self-claimed ‘avid gamer’ – he’s been crucial to games like Homefront, delivering rich stories to a media not normally known for effective exposition.

But one of last year’s most story-based titles, David Cage’s PS3 exclusive Heavy Rain, didn’t find much favour with Mr Bilson.  “I stopped playing,” he said.  “I couldn’t get past ‘brush your teeth, make breakfast’.”

“I just thought, I’m not digging this, I don’t want to brush my teeth in a game.”

It sounds like he wanted to get past the very beginning, though – and obviously everyone should.  “I probably should play it, I probably have some sort of responsibility to play it.  But I’m still a gamer and if I’m not getting it, I’m not going to drive hard through it.”

Games he did play?  Mass Effect 1 and 2 – “they have the best story-delivery system” and Red Dead Redemption – “my favourite game of the year.”

Bilson alluded to helping out with Saints Row 3 though – stopping short of answering whether he’s been involved from the start, but replying with a muted ‘yes’ when asked whether there were things he felt he could add to the series from a screenwriting perspective.

Source: Edge magazine, issue 226.


  1. I felt that that section of the game served the dual purpose of familiarising you with the character and the control scheme for the game in a low-risk environment. In a game where character death can happen you don’t want to only be doing a control motion the first time when in a potentially lethal scenario.

    It felt a bit ‘gamey’ to me but I didn’t mind it that much and the payoff later was definitely worth it for me.

  2. Cunningly, I don’t want to play any THQ games.

    • LOL I think i’ve only ever owned 2 THQ games haha.

  3. It’s things like that which make the game so different and unique. A decent story doesn’t have to be 90% shooting and blowing things up.

    I loved Heavy Rain. Yes, I can see why it wouldn’t be to everyone’s tastes, but it really stands out among a vast majority of what are really quite mundane titles.

    You REALLY need to push past the admittedly slow beginning to get into the story and really appreciate it.

  4. What a moron. The brushing teeth bit was the effing tutorial! and he didn’t bother getting past it? Funny how he chooses a PS3 game to slag off, and that it’s from edge; the crappiest, most xbox fanboyish magazine there is! Aswell as him saying he likes mass effect (former xbox exclusive) and RDR (so much better on 360 apparantly) and this homefront thing with 360 exclusive dlc. I smell an xbox fanboy

    He’s a yank and an xbot. So all he can comprehend is FPS’ and his small mind can’t handle anything more in depth.

    • I’ve noticed all the Homefront advertising is once again being funded by Microsoft, in an effort to imply that it’s only available on their platform.

      I’ve often wondered if the influence of such pay-offs goes further than just the advertising. Even moreso given their deal with Activision for CoD, and the utter mess that constitutes the PS3 versions of those games.

      And yes, I’m aware Sony had a few similar deals for things like EA’s FIFA 11, but in contrast, the 360 versions of those games weren’t anywhere near as shoddy as the Activision PS3 products.

    • i noticed that as well the xbox does seem to advertise more games but as we all know sony is rubbish at advertising outside of the US. all the adverts i’ve seen here in britain have been off putting if anything

    • Your comment is hugely ignorant. It might be the tutorial but the game hardly differs later on in terms of mechanics, does it?

      And lay off the ‘Yank’ crap, we’re not kids.

      • Also, what did EDGE give Homefront again?

        Kind of shatters that whole “xbot” argument.

      • Not really, they’ve been widely criticised for their double standards reviewing and constant negative editorialising of PS3 exclusive games pre-review that never happens in previews and such of other console games.

        I can only go by what I’ve been told and seen discussed of course, as I stopped reading that pretentious rag years ago. Did I hear right that when they covered last year’s E3(Or was it 09?) they devoted 20 pages to the Microsoft conference and less than a single page each to the Nintendo and Sony conferences? No matter how you try to paint it, that is NOT balanced coverage.

  5. There was an element of freshness to Heavy Rain that was really enjoyable, I would play more games like heavy rain instead of pumped up yearly installments of the same generic shizzle!
    *looks at my COD collection*

  6. Ah so this is one of the minds behind THQ’s descent into obscurity.

  7. i don’t think i’ve ever played a game and decided it was rubbish just from playing the first 30 seconds of it. anyone who’s read a review of Heavy Rain will know the real story line kicks in after about 20-30 mins of gameplay. just lazy to give up that early

  8. So this guy couldn’t stick out the tutorial in a game which has a pretty unique interface to get to grips with, yet he find walking into a saloon, then riding a horse, and then shooting rabbits exciting in comparison?

    IMO more fool this turd for missing out on what was one of the best, most ingrossing and downright epic games i have had the fortune to play

    Jog on Bilson you buffoon!

    • People have differing opinions… No need to be nasty.

      • Correct Nofi, people do have differing opinions – mine is that this guy is a fool for not sticking out the tutorial

  9. personally i’m glad there are games that aren’t just about shooting people.

  10. It was probably too hard for him…

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