Have they got our details or haven’t they? The question still hangs in the air awkwardly like that fart you let out just before your girlfriend walked into the room. I say let’s pretend they do, just to make up some poor jokes about it. In fact, here are those poor jokes. Enjoy (or not)!
- £1500 of royal wedding merchandise. Those hackers might be unscrupulous thieves and blaggards but they’re not devoid of emotion. We have little doubt that they’re wearing their “It Could Have Been Me!” tee shirts and union flag bowler hats.
- £3 on a DVD of Hackers. For research, presumably.
- £35 on an Xbox Live Gold subscription. Being a super awesome underground internet celebrity is all well and good but when you’ve had a hard day trying to offload stolen information on the black market you just want to settle down and play a game online. Unfortunately, you’ve ballsed up your chances of getting a game on SOCOM so you’ll resort to Halo and CoD: Black Ops.
- £800 of pizza and pepsi. It’s a well known fact that internet types only eat pizza. I saw it in a movie one time so it must be true. The Pepsi is just because they wanted Coke but the pizza place didn’t do it. So those poor hackers got the dreaded question we always answer yes to when what we really mean is “NO, NO, A THOUSAND TIMES NO! PEPSI IS NOT OKAY!”
- £15 on a tee shirt with the slogan “I’m Hot for GeoHot” on it. Because he fought the power and wasn’t completely destroyed by it, which is as much of a victory as you can hope for. What a hero.
- £29.99 for Portal 2 via Steam. Well, they can’t redeem those codes they got with the PS3 version they pre-ordered, can they?
- £500 on a plane ticket to Brazil. It worked for Ronnie Biggs and numerous Nazi war criminals. Brazil is the place to fly to when trying to avoid prosecution, they’ve got beaches, sunshine, pretty forests and negotiable extradition rules.
- £150 on fake beards and hair dye. Plastic surgery is a bit drastic but those unscrupulous hacker types will no doubt need to change their appearance a little bit, if only to make a decent game of avoiding the law.
- £250 on model railways. Let’s face it, pretty soon you’re not going to be legally allowed to own a computer. You need a new hobby. Model railways are harmless, fun and require attention to detail so it might be just the right avenue to explore.
- £80 on a very personal hair removal session. You’ve caused a huge media furore by breaking untold numbers of international laws. You will most likely end up having your door kicked in by the FBI at 4AM on a Sunday morning. You’re on the way to a federal prison you won’t be able to hack out of. So, a quick back, sack and crack waxing will make you all the more valuable to the prison meat market.
ron_mcphatty
Just about to ring the bank to cancel my card, still laughing :)
elpablo79
After what was clearly meant by ColossalBlue to be a lighthearted article, and some of the firm reactions against the article, I felt that this link should be used to support him. It’s not an easy job he does, there are always risks with articles like these that will kick up a fuss, but he, and no one, deserves to be talked at or treated harshly: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0la5DBtOVNI&sns=em
spooner_22
haha. Brilliant.
Seriously there are some right dicks on here at the moment though. They need to stop being so uptight or go somewhere else and leave us with a sense of humour and a sense of fun.
That’s one of the main reasons I started reading TSA, coz it’s fun…it’s always been this way!
elpablo79
Indeed, I appreciate that the writers here may seem overly defensive, but then they are here providing a free service, making choices all the time to not only infor, but to hold out interest. Even entertain. I understand some people may be a little sensitive, but a lot of us are in the same boat. It isn’t CB’s or our faults so there is no need for the attitudes shown by some. Incidentally, I prefer coke (the drink)
tantalus_blank
Wow, a lot of people really need to lighten up. Are you the kind of people who write in to great comedy shows like south park and complain about harmless jokes?
No, really that’s fair enough, but the rest of us are going to get on with our lives like adults if you’d like to come?
I enjoyed the article cb, nothing wrong with some light hearted fun
UKZ-N3M1515
Humor helps deal with situations immensly..
Yesterday my parents split up after 1month of trying to get it to work again, we looked at the ‘positives’ and laughed about them, such as, less coffee’s to make etc, and the situation didnt seem as bad. People need there senses of humor back urgently.
Great article, makes me want a glass of coke :) Pepsi stinks xD