Have they got our details or haven’t they? The question still hangs in the air awkwardly like that fart you let out just before your girlfriend walked into the room. I say let’s pretend they do, just to make up some poor jokes about it. In fact, here are those poor jokes. Enjoy (or not)!
- £1500 of royal wedding merchandise. Those hackers might be unscrupulous thieves and blaggards but they’re not devoid of emotion. We have little doubt that they’re wearing their “It Could Have Been Me!” tee shirts and union flag bowler hats.
- £3 on a DVD of Hackers. For research, presumably.
- £35 on an Xbox Live Gold subscription. Being a super awesome underground internet celebrity is all well and good but when you’ve had a hard day trying to offload stolen information on the black market you just want to settle down and play a game online. Unfortunately, you’ve ballsed up your chances of getting a game on SOCOM so you’ll resort to Halo and CoD: Black Ops.
- £800 of pizza and pepsi. It’s a well known fact that internet types only eat pizza. I saw it in a movie one time so it must be true. The Pepsi is just because they wanted Coke but the pizza place didn’t do it. So those poor hackers got the dreaded question we always answer yes to when what we really mean is “NO, NO, A THOUSAND TIMES NO! PEPSI IS NOT OKAY!”
- £15 on a tee shirt with the slogan “I’m Hot for GeoHot” on it. Because he fought the power and wasn’t completely destroyed by it, which is as much of a victory as you can hope for. What a hero.
- £29.99 for Portal 2 via Steam. Well, they can’t redeem those codes they got with the PS3 version they pre-ordered, can they?
- £500 on a plane ticket to Brazil. It worked for Ronnie Biggs and numerous Nazi war criminals. Brazil is the place to fly to when trying to avoid prosecution, they’ve got beaches, sunshine, pretty forests and negotiable extradition rules.
- £150 on fake beards and hair dye. Plastic surgery is a bit drastic but those unscrupulous hacker types will no doubt need to change their appearance a little bit, if only to make a decent game of avoiding the law.
- £250 on model railways. Let’s face it, pretty soon you’re not going to be legally allowed to own a computer. You need a new hobby. Model railways are harmless, fun and require attention to detail so it might be just the right avenue to explore.
- £80 on a very personal hair removal session. You’ve caused a huge media furore by breaking untold numbers of international laws. You will most likely end up having your door kicked in by the FBI at 4AM on a Sunday morning. You’re on the way to a federal prison you won’t be able to hack out of. So, a quick back, sack and crack waxing will make you all the more valuable to the prison meat market.
a inferior race
Where is all the hardcore goat porn. I was really hoping I could pass that off as being the purchase of a hacker.
colmshan1990
Hackers don’t have to pay for porn.
They hack into those sites in a vague form of foreplay.
project84music
I think this has to be my favorite quote so far this year =]
jonny_bolton
I actually laughed pretty loudly at this.
Sympozium
Haha!… :D
Sympozium
It bought me Star Wars Jedi Knight: Jedi Academy
WIN! although its not a CC
Awayze
fattyuk should be just banned, he’s a troll and probably a chav.
Uptight people get over it, there’s nothing you can do about your details except cancel your CC.
MegaBonez
Some people might not have the sense of humour required to part of the human race, but I thought it was damn funny!
DJ-Katy
Right, ok. Been a while since I posted.
Now obviously while I didn’t find this article funny at all because it didn’t have any unprintable sexual, drug or religious references, and it would clearly have been _much_ better if I had written it and everyone including fatsouk would’ve laughed (that was all sarcasm just in case you missed it), lighten the fuck up. It’s not Peter’s fault PSN was coded by a bunch of monkeys.
Bladesteel
He did sell Sony the monkeys knowing what they were intended for, I blame him!
DJ-Katy
That scoundrel!
icuyesido
OMG Katy’s here! I would love to hear one of those rants on yours on the subject but I fear it will be taken seriously and kill joys wouldn’t understand.
Darksidesystems
I can see the point and for that matter the humour of this article but at the same time it was always going to be a dangerous comedy line to take. They call it a punch line because you’re either on one side of it or the other. I was kind of pissed off at first ‘cos I don’t want my card or my details used to rent a donkey by the hour in a back-street somewhere in Amsterdam but on the other hand it will only take a phone call to stop it happening. People, please be cool and laugh whilst there’s nothing to cry about. To quote the great philosophers,
“Be excellent to each other and party on dudes”
Boomshanks
I’m worried about my credit card details, but f*ck it I laughed. Worrying is not going to do me any good now is it. Taking action is, which means blocking my card and getting a new one. After that’s done let’s have a laugh at what’s happening for a change. Granted CB, this wasn’t one of your best top 10’s(it was still good though), but please don’t ever stop because some guys can’t take a joke.
Foxhound_Solid
Lol
Kitch
The video in the forums never go this much sh!t and it’s pretty much the same thing. Move on people.