Have they got our details or haven’t they? The question still hangs in the air awkwardly like that fart you let out just before your girlfriend walked into the room. I say let’s pretend they do, just to make up some poor jokes about it. In fact, here are those poor jokes. Enjoy (or not)!
- £1500 of royal wedding merchandise. Those hackers might be unscrupulous thieves and blaggards but they’re not devoid of emotion. We have little doubt that they’re wearing their “It Could Have Been Me!” tee shirts and union flag bowler hats.
- £3 on a DVD of Hackers. For research, presumably.
- £35 on an Xbox Live Gold subscription. Being a super awesome underground internet celebrity is all well and good but when you’ve had a hard day trying to offload stolen information on the black market you just want to settle down and play a game online. Unfortunately, you’ve ballsed up your chances of getting a game on SOCOM so you’ll resort to Halo and CoD: Black Ops.
- £800 of pizza and pepsi. It’s a well known fact that internet types only eat pizza. I saw it in a movie one time so it must be true. The Pepsi is just because they wanted Coke but the pizza place didn’t do it. So those poor hackers got the dreaded question we always answer yes to when what we really mean is “NO, NO, A THOUSAND TIMES NO! PEPSI IS NOT OKAY!”
- £15 on a tee shirt with the slogan “I’m Hot for GeoHot” on it. Because he fought the power and wasn’t completely destroyed by it, which is as much of a victory as you can hope for. What a hero.
- £29.99 for Portal 2 via Steam. Well, they can’t redeem those codes they got with the PS3 version they pre-ordered, can they?
- £500 on a plane ticket to Brazil. It worked for Ronnie Biggs and numerous Nazi war criminals. Brazil is the place to fly to when trying to avoid prosecution, they’ve got beaches, sunshine, pretty forests and negotiable extradition rules.
- £150 on fake beards and hair dye. Plastic surgery is a bit drastic but those unscrupulous hacker types will no doubt need to change their appearance a little bit, if only to make a decent game of avoiding the law.
- £250 on model railways. Let’s face it, pretty soon you’re not going to be legally allowed to own a computer. You need a new hobby. Model railways are harmless, fun and require attention to detail so it might be just the right avenue to explore.
- £80 on a very personal hair removal session. You’ve caused a huge media furore by breaking untold numbers of international laws. You will most likely end up having your door kicked in by the FBI at 4AM on a Sunday morning. You’re on the way to a federal prison you won’t be able to hack out of. So, a quick back, sack and crack waxing will make you all the more valuable to the prison meat market.
TheDeathAvenger
Thanks CB, got a good few chuckles from that.
I think that it is important for everyone to ensure that they realise that it is not all right to attack people for their views. It is only natural that some people find something funny, while others don’t see it humorous in the slightest.
Some people have stated that they didn’t like the article, that came across crystal clear from some of the comments (it’s just unfortunate that their view wasn’t conveyed in a pleasant manner). Some of the replies then ‘attacked’ the commenter, resulting on them going on the defensive.
I know how annoying some peoples comments can be, and that it even sometimes makes you really angry, but replying back in a nasty manner is helping no-one (well apart from maybe helping you vent your frustrations!).
It seems that some people instead of not having a sense of humour, they just have a really weird one.
Thanks CB, got a good few chuckles from that.
I think that it is important for everyone to ensure that they realise that it is not all right to attack people for their views. It is only natural that some people find something funny, while others don’t see it humorous in the slightest.
Some people have stated that they didn’t like the article, that came across crystal clear from some of the comments (it’s just unfortunate that their view wasn’t conveyed in a pleasant manner). Some of the replies then ‘attacked’ the commenter, resulting on them going on the defensive.
I know how annoying some peoples comments can be, and that it even sometimes makes you really angry, but replying back in a nasty manner is helping no-one (well apart from maybe helping you vent your frustrations!).
Reading through the comments, it seems that some people, instead of not having a sense of humour, just have a really weird one.
I suspect that in some cases people are really worried about their details being stolen, and what could be done with them. Therefore it is understandable that they find this kind of jokey article to be in poor taste. Hopefully though, anyone that has this view will take the time to look and realise that this kind of article is meant to lighten the mood and cheer people up a bit if they are feeling down about this whole fiasco.
TheDeathAvenger
Whoops :)
Kenny
Kudos to Colossalblue for trying to put a smile on peoples faces during such dark times. Personally, I prefer normal coke.
elpablo79
I thought it was the right level of wry humour. A serious matter which needed some levity. Although quite surprised one option wasn’t buying loads of Psn vouchers, oh the irony!
Flaming Turkeys
OH MY GOD!!! STOP WITH THE BULL CRAP ARTICLES ABOUT NOTHING… nah just kidding :) pepsi bit made me laugh, people need to acquire a sense of humour… :D
Kreisash
Freakishly earlier today I had a random thought of does anyone actually say no when the waitress says “we don’t have Coke, is Pepsi okay?” (or vice versa, but somehow you always find yourself asking for the one they don’t have.)
And wondered what it’d be like to cause a scene instead because of it.
Incidentally I prefer Pepsi unless it’s Coke in a glass bottle chilled to perfection.
Lastly, chill the f out (ctfo?) there are some tasty vids about brink and SSX needing to be viewed.
N.B. get out of my brain Cb.
cam_manutd
I’m dissapointed by the largely negative reaction form readers here. As annoying as the situation is, people should not be criticised for making genuine attempts to not annoy or offend but instead make light of the situation while emphasising its importance. The insults and swearing is a disgrace, constructive comments that offer valid points whether it be poisitve or negative needs to be on the agenda here instaed of people acting like a little girl having her first period with her hormones going into orbit while not taking it on the chin. We all go through rubbish at some point or another and I know this as my Dad has died this year-get over yourselves you pathetic individuals.
unclebob
This place has been invaded by Sony fanboys who can see no wrong in them not looking after our details as well as organisations are expected to.
They possibly deserve scathing criticism and certainly deserve to have a spell on the naughty step with no customers until they’ve worked hard to regain them. I hope any financial losses, penalties etc are as proportional large to them as they are to anyone unlucky enough to be scammed as a result of some pretty huge security failings.
I hope Sony is at E3 to support developers working on Sony products, but Sony’s e3 presentation itself, should just consist of Kaz, Tretton, House & Stringer appearing on stage with the words We’re Sorry behind them.
A light-hearted piss-take like this is absolutely fine in my book – and the fanboys that have recently invaded one of my favourite websites to visit & read can either grow a sense of humour or do one.
CdmanJak
dont feed the trolls ;)
KetchupBBQ
The word “milk” comes to mind. Can’t think why.
ron_mcphatty
Just about to ring Tge bank to cancel my card, still laughing :)